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Hey all. 2 weeks ago yesterday, I had my baby boy, Lucas, by c-section after my inducement didn't progress. It's been a crazy 2 weeks and I haven't been to the board at all. I've been adjusting to being a first time mom, recovering from surgery, dealing with mastitis and a bout of food poisoning, and then what will most likely be diagnosed as postpartum depression. I already suffered from depression before, although just bouts of it here and there usually not needing medication.
But last Friday, my OB put me back on antidepressants. I started crying bouts at night and started questioning whether my son and husband would be better off without me. Big sign of a problem. DH has been great and I keep open communication with him. He has 12 weeks of paid paternity leave and I could NOT be handling everything without him. The antidepressants can take a couple of weeks to build up to a therapeutic dose, so DH is still dealing with me. The other night he found me sobbing in the bathroom on the floor. And even though I know it's the hormones and sleep deprivation, it's still hard to stop these crazy thoughts. And just to make clear, my thoughts never ever ever ever ever ever include any harm to my son. I love him completely and wouldn't harm a hair on his head.
It's also been hard because the hospital completely and utterly failed me in getting me started on breastfeeding. I had no real help from them until 2 days after Lucas was born, and then it was only limited help. Once my milk came in, I got mastitis in the left breast. It caused a golf ball size lump by my armpit. So I was placed on antibiotics. My milk supply isn't up where Lucas needs it and for the past week he won't latch. For the 1st 10 days of his life, he was on formula. I went to a lactation consultant on Monday, who was a huge help. Due in large part to my PPD, I decided to focus on breast pumping and not breastfeeding for now. I can't handle the emotions when Lucas doesn't latch right now. My supply is almost caught up to where Lucas needs it. 75% of what Lucas gets is breast milk now.
So it's been a rough road. Lucas is a great baby though, and I cannot imagine life without him. It's just going to take some more time to adjust to life WITH him lol. I'm going to try to take some more time out for me so I can get on the board more.
Congrats to all the other new mommies! I posted my birth story in One in a Minion.
Lucas Xavier is here! Born 4/24/2014 at 10:47pm
7 pounds 6 ounces
20.5 inches long
Wow, I'm sorry you've had it so rough I had the baby blues after my first and was miserable for a few days so I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm glad you got diagnosed and are getting help though. Things will get better...I'm sorry it's hard in the meantime though. Make sure to take time for yourself because that's important too.
Kudos to you for sticking with breastfeeding! Sounds like you guys are making good progress.