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Hello ladies. I just found out that one of the 3 month old twin daughters of some friends passed away from SIDS yesterday. My heart hurts for them, but I am at a loss as to what I could possibly say to comfort them. Do any of you have any suggestions as to what I should say or do (or not do) to be a help and support?
Natalie - Mom to Brad (Oct 2005) and Lucy (May 2008) and married to my best friend, Joe for 8 years.
There is nothing you can say that can take away the pain and hurt they are feeling right now. But..... you can tell your friend that you have no idea what she is going through, but you are there to listen to her or to cry with her or be her support. Whatever she needs at this time, you are there. For the longest time, I didn't want to talk with anyone. People would say things just to say things. That hurt even more. I appreciated the honesty of those who said they had no idea what to say to me. That's what I wanted to hear. If you haven't lost a child, you cannot even begin to imagine the depth of the pain. There were a few people who brought us some meals which was nice too. Cooking was the last thing on my mind.
I agree with Debbie. I know personally all I wanted to hear was 'This ***** SUCKS' and that's it. I wanted someone to be angry for me because I was too numb to be angry myself.
Just be there for her. Don't mention it was God's will. Don't ever start a sentence with 'At least she's....' be there for your friend if she wants to go out and gets smashed and needs a designated driver. DO talk about her baby DO let her talk about her baby. Don't think that she'll ever be the same as she was before teh loss
I agree with all the posts. Just listen to her. If their is any little task that you can help with. It may not seem like much, but I really appreciated it. I too had twins and lost one. I know it was so hard for me to not be with Kenzie. Everyone offered to take Kenzie but I needed her to be their. Your friend may feel the same way or she may need time for herself. The bottom line is too just be their.