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Forum: Loss of a Child

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  #1  
January 13th, 2009, 12:24 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 7
After 8 months in hospital, my brave boy lost his battle and passed away on Sunday. At the moment the biggest emotion I have is almost a sense of relief. Relief because he is no longer suffering, relief that I no longer have to face the unknown, and relief that I was in him for his last moments and that I will now never get that phone call saying he has gone and I was too late.

So far I dont think it has really sunk in. His dad seems to be coping badly but I am not sure if this is grief or regret (he hardly ever visited his son in hospital as it was 'too hard and depressing') whereas I was there as often as I could be, to the point I did absolutely nothing for myself knowing I could have all the time I needed should he not make it.

I am now wondering when the grief will really hit. I thought that once he had gone I wouldbe walking round in a daze, screaming and crying and not sure what to do with myself. I am of course devastated and it is the little things that upset me (at the doctors yesterday on my notes they were putting down my son's details and instead of his age there was just a line through this box which upset me more than the other box filled with the word 'died'. It is so strange how some things you can deal with but others are a trigger.

Also, how long does the pain last? I know I will never forget him but when does it start to become easier? When can I smile without feeling guilty? When can I look at people without feeling anger that they just dont know how lucky they are and that I have just lost my beautiful little boy?

Please tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that people can survive this.

Helen
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  #2  
January 13th, 2009, 01:55 AM
..Michelle..'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,298
Helen,
Everyone takes his/her own time in the grief process. Sometimes I feel like I forget about Roman more than I think of him. And that makes me feel bad, then I start to cry. I see a grief counselor 2 times a month and that helps me A LOT!!
I still get that angry feeling when I see other women with their babies who would be around my son's age. My step sister is pregnant (again...fertile dang thing), and sometimes I get sooo mad that she doesn't even seem to care that all of her 3 kids are a blessing and so is her #4 on the way!
's to you honey! On this board, we've all been there and are still grieving in our own ways. We'll do our best to help you get thru the hard times when you're feeling alone, just message us! All the gals here are wonderful. I feel blessed to have made so many loving, wonderful friends here!
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  #3  
January 13th, 2009, 02:53 AM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110


Michelle has pretty much said it all. Grief is a very individual thing. I too felt a sense of relief when Zac died. The same relief you have. His suffering was over. I was relived that he would not have to under go further ops, infections and face the possibility of a heart transplant.

The numbness will go. It left me slowly. Its still there some days and other days the grief hits me like a ton of bricks. On those days I long for the days of total numbness.

It has been 5 months today since Zac died and honestly, I never thought I could make it. I just take one day at a time. Its ok to smile, to laugh and to enjoy life. Talk about your son. I still have trouble talking about Zac without crying but it is getting easier. Talking keeps him alive to me in some ways.

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  #4  
January 13th, 2009, 07:16 AM
Drakesmommy's Avatar My rainbow Twins are here
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 631
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First off I wanna say I am so sorry for you loss and I agree with both Michelle and Mellie talking about your son does make it some what easier. I know when I lost my son talking about what happened helped me a lot. It took me along time to actually grieve for my son but that's because I held it all in and one day I finally lost it and it all came out and I still have days where I cry just thinking about him and it's been almost 3 years. So I won't say that the pain will go away because it will always be there but it just gets easier to deal with. We are all here for you if you need to vent, cry, scream or anything.
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  #5  
January 13th, 2009, 07:36 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9,769
I'm so sorry for your loss. I 4th everything the other girls have said. I was numb for about 6 months. And even now 18 months later have moments where I don't really believe it happened to me. And then other times when the grief just bowls me over
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  #6  
January 13th, 2009, 12:39 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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my experience is a little different my baby daughter was born sleeping but can relate to the loss, im so sorry for the loss of your son.

just take one day at a time thats what i did/do its been nearly 4 years for me u never get over your loss but it does become easier to bare as days turn into weeks and weeks into months and its ok to cry, scream and be angry! its gonna be hard but one day u will think of your son and smile without getting upset and thats ok! noone can really say how long before it gets better as its different for everyone. what makes it a little comforting to me is have a special place for your angel like a shelf with his things on like a special teddy or a photo.

:dothugs:
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