We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
I am speaking at our ladies meeting in our church next month and I am to speak on how God's been Good through my expirence. That's not the hard part, however I have been asked so many times, what things did people say to you that helped (encouraged) you and what things are the WRONG things to say.
Can you help me collaberate a list for them. I have the things I can think of... Keep in mind this is going to be a church meeting so keep it mild. I think they already know that cussing doesn't help.
Thank in advance.
Things that did not help
When people tell you it was God's plan. It may be but this is something that people have to come to terms with.
When people say your not over that yet. We will always be grieving our loss for the rest of our lives.
When people do not want to talk about your LO. It helps to remember the time you had with your LO.
When people send a note or call on a hard day or Angel Day.
When people talk about your LO.
When people ask how you are doing?
When people ask if they can do anything?
When people donate or do something in honor of your LO.
When people step out of their comfort zone to help you, or just listen.
What doesn't help:
anything about God's plan
that Cam is in a better place (better than with his mother?!?), is no longer suffering, etc
consciously not mentioning his name for fear that it will upset me - I'm already upset
Other people sharing memories with me
Bringing over food - I just couldn't think about cooking, eating, etc.
Sending cards out of the blue
donations in his memory
There is someone who keeps fresh flowers on Cameron's grave. I have no idea who it is but I appreciate their gesture more than they could know
Cameron (3-3-99 to 10-30-08)
+ 6 angels
I don't know if it helps since my situation is a bit different.
But the single most comforting thing said to me the entire time was "you are still a mom of twins" I imagine "you are still a mom" would also be a needed thing to hear.
When Genevive was dieing, I am not sure how it came up, but the nurse said "your job is just to talk to her and be with her, none of us can do that". That was very helpful, I was feeling a bit lost, with all the doctors and everyone I felt like I could do nothing.
Another thing that I feel made a huge difference was being told I can do whatever I want, there is no wrong way to deal with it. I don't know that I would have been so bold to do her bath and all those little things if I hadn't been told this. That bath was the single most meaninful thing I did with my daughter, it seems so morbid bathing a dead baby but it was very healing, and actually brought me great joy.
I understand a lot of your feelings delekatala. It was very comforting to me when people tell me that I am still a mom of twins, one is a angel and one is here. I bathed Madison after she died. I am so glad that we did everything with her.