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I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore to be honest. I should be so thrilled and happy that I just had my baby girl but part of me feels worse. I figured it would be too soon to have another baby because my mind is on Izaiah 24/7. I mean, there is literally not a minute where I am not thinking about him, missing him. Now I've been having horrible crazy dreams involving him. I feel like no one around me understands how serious it is. I love my baby girl, but I don't want to not be a good mother to her because I can't pull myself together. I just don't feel like this is ever going to get any better. I just needed to come vent because I just don't feel like anyone in my real life truly UNDERSTANDS my grief. I don't want to be a prisonor in my own mind anymore
This is what I go through with Lillian and Genevive. I have bad postpartum depression. There are some points where I just can't even look at Lillian. Luckily Eddy is understanding and gives me those breaks when I need them.
I totally understand how you feel. ALthough I don't have another new baby I feel the same way. I am not sure how to make things better for you, but know your not alone.
Wife to Brian since October 2004, Mama too:
Jakob (May 12th 2004- Feb. 24th 2009 Had Joubert Syndrome RIP)
2 Baby beans lost
Ava Sept 14th 2007, Beaux Oct 3rd 2012
* Tubal reversal December 17th 2010
I too like the PP don't have a new baby but I do understand what you are feeling. There are some days it just physically hurts to look at my girls. Especially since Calypso was a mini of Raeden. She looked soooo like raeden as a newborn