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Forum: Loss of a Child

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  #1  
August 31st, 2009, 04:50 PM
3preemies4me's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 93


My name is Erin and I just wanted to introduce myself (I'm new to the site) and share my daughter's story with you.

On July 17th 2007, my hubby and I welcomed our first child. Berkley Elizabeth made her arrival 5 weeks earlier than she should have but she was perfectly healthy. She was a tiny 4.13 and 17 inches long but she was perfect. She was born with a rare birth defect but it was not considered fatal. On August 15th 2007, just 5 days before her actual due date, she passed away. I'll never forget that day as long as I live. My hubby got up with her the night before so that I could sleep because I wasn't sleeping at night or during the day because I was paranoid something would happen. He got up with her at 1 am to feed and change her. He sat down with her in the recliner waiting for her to fall back asleep before he put her back in her bassinet. Well, he feel asleep too. He woke up at 5-ish and she had blood in her nose and he noticed she wasn't breathing. He woke me up and I swear as long as I live, I will never forget the panic in his voice. I jumped out of bed and he was already on the phone with 911. I performed cpr on her but it was already too late. The EMT's arrived and pronounced her time of death. Before long our house was crawling with police, family, and the medical examiners office. When a baby dies unexpectedly at home, the parents are immediately under investigation. The ME determined that she died shortly after her 1 am feeding and that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. I, of course, was a complete wreck. I couldn't and didn't want to process what was happening. I just sat in her room holding her and crying until the ME made me give her to them so they could start their investigation. It took 3 months for her autopsy to come back and they couldn't determine her cause of death. It wasn't ruled as SIDS because she did have a brain deformity and because she was in her daddy's lap when she died. Our pediatrician thinks that Berkley had a sleep apnea moment and because of her brain deformity, her brain never alerted her to take another breath. Its been 2 years but it still hurts like yesterday. I have since had twins and while they are wonderful distractions, they will never take her place. She was my first and my only girl. I miss her like crazy every single day and there are days where I still cry and grieve like it happened yesterday. The only comfort I have is that she was in her daddy's lap when she died. She was full, clean, warm, happy, and most importantly, not alone in her crib.

My condolences to all you ladies. We are truly the only ones that know what the other is going through even though our stories are all different. My heart goes out to you all!
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  #2  
August 31st, 2009, 06:29 PM
Drakesmommy's Avatar My rainbow Twins are here
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 631
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It's with a sad heart that I welcome you to this board. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Berkley. The ladies on this board are amazing and we are always here if you ever need anything, if you just need to vent, cry, scream or just need a shoulder or even a hug(even if it is a virtual one).

I'm Rachel (the host of this board) I've been married to Dh for almost 7 years and we have 5 angels (4 miscarriages and our son Drake who passed away at 4 days old (Feb. 1, 2006-Feb. 5, 2006) due to microcephalic osteodysplastic primordial dwarfism. It is apparently a genetic disorder that me and Dh both carry but are not affected by it. I hope if you ever need anything you will feel comfortable enough to come here and we will try our best to help you in anyway we can.
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  #3  
August 31st, 2009, 07:36 PM
Delekatala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Rhode Island
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Welcome. I am Jenny, my husbands name is Eddy, and I have a whole bunch o kids. 2 stepdaughters Emma, 10 and Teri, 8. A son named Alex who is almost 7. And in December I gave birth to twins. They came at 29 weeks, Genevive was 3lb 1oz, and Lillian was 1lb 13 oz. Genevive passed away at 16 days old. Lillian came home after 67 days.
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  #4  
September 1st, 2009, 02:38 PM
3preemies4me's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delekatala View Post
Welcome. I am Jenny, my husbands name is Eddy, and I have a whole bunch o kids. 2 stepdaughters Emma, 10 and Teri, 8. A son named Alex who is almost 7. And in December I gave birth to twins. They came at 29 weeks, Genevive was 3lb 1oz, and Lillian was 1lb 13 oz. Genevive passed away at 16 days old. Lillian came home after 67 days.
My twins came at 28 weeks. They spent 65 days in the hospital so I've been there. I was terrified that one or both of them wouldn't make it but God watched over us and made them fighters. I'm sorry about your little Genevive!
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  #5  
September 16th, 2009, 10:30 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
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hugs. I am very sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl
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