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My nephew was 38 wks.. He was born premmie at 29 weeks.. and about 2 weeks ago he was finally aloud home.. He was doing so well, he was healthy..
He passed away last night or this morning.. I don't know the full details yet as my family is quiet a mess... They said he had breathing difficulties but he passed away before the ambulance was there.. They aren't sure whats really happened.. he had to get sent to a bigger city to get tested.
Its been along mentally exhausting day.. I have no idea what to say to my brother. He left his gf and bub at home to go to my mothers to work since they had no money.. Now he blames himself for leaving his son when he needed him.. He's devastated that he'll never get to watch his son grow up and teach him things.. see him take his first step.. & so on..
How am I meant to help him?? I know the pain will never go away.. But I wish more then anything he never had to loose his baby boy..
Now he goes home to seeing his son passed, a empty nursery that he had worked so hard on, every thing they got their son was the best.. Now whats he meant to do with it all? (do you leave it as is or pack it away?) Its hard because I dont think they'd want to use their sons stuff on his next child.. his sons nursery was meant for him to grow up in..Now everytime he walks past it its going to kill him.. He wont get all the happy times like if had with my kids.. or those special moments.. its going to be with him forever that his little boy isn't in his arms.
I wish I could turn back time.. to stop this from happening.. I wish my kids could grow up with their cousin..
What should I do to help him? What helped you ladies at first? Any adivce would be great..
Last edited by Marlz.; October 7th, 2009 at 08:39 PM.
My biggest advice is to just be their to listen. You may be able to help with day to day tasks for them. They were just so unimportant for me and my hubby. It was nice not to worry about food, or laundry. I would not worry what to do with the stuff right now. It will take time for them to decide what they want to do. My situation is different since I had twins and could use some of the stuff for her. It has been 1 year and 7 months since Madison grew her wings and I still have her name on the wall. I still can not take it down.
HUGS! Sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
First off let me say how sorry I am for your families loss. My opinion would be to maybe make some premade dinners and take them to them that way they dont really have to cook. I also agree with helping with the day to day stuff and just be there to listen to them if and when they are ready to talk. Your family will be in my thoughts.
It just sucks so bad that you cant change whats happened.. It just seems so unreal and like a blurr at moments.. He was doing so well and now that he's not here to grow up with my brother is just heart breaking.. He was so little and tiny to go trough all of this.. He was healthy and happy and now hes gone.. I just cant believe it.. Its seems alot easier to expect when someone is old and they die because they have experienced life in some ways.. but when a child or baby dies.. it doesn't seem fair.. they dont get to experience much in life.
I know im not the parents going through this.. but the roller coaster of emotions is so draining.. No one seems to know what has happened to him.. Ive heard two stories now.. so our family is waiting for the report.. It hurts and scares me to think what the little man had to go through before he passed away.
I am sorry for your families loss. Like everyone else said just sit there and listen to them if they want to talk. Don't be afraid to ask questions or talk about the baby, and use his name. But also remember men and women grieve differently. I spend all my time wishing people would mention my daughter and talk about her. But my husband doesn't want people to most of the time, he prefers to grieve on his own, even at the cemetery he prefers to be alone. As for the nursery, everyone should just leave it as is. Over time mom and dad will figure out what to do with it all. There is no right or wrong thing, Some things I got rid of, some things i saved and they are Genevive's and will never be used again, and some things I use for Lillian, and they are her special mementos from her sister. I can't even tell you why for each item, I just did what I felt. But I didn't touch anything in the nursery for the first couple months. Hope this helps, I can only speak form my experience and what I have heard from other angel parents.
Thanks ladies for your support. 3 wks since his passing they where able to have his funeral and done everything beautifully. It was very sad but they did it nice for him. They moved out of their house and packed all of his stuff into storage as for now they are keeping it all.
They are both having there up and down moments.. Trying to keep busy.
Please keep them in your t&p and their beautiful son.
Thank you for the update. I am glad they had a nice funeral. I personally went a little overboard with genevive's funeral, i wanted her to have the best. I think when it comes to the death of a baby people underestimate how significant the funeral can be.