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I have a three year old son who I treasure so much. Im expecting my second child right now. I haven't lost my own child. My friend who was pregnant at the same time as me. Her son Adam was born three months before my first born. She was only sixteen and so was the father. Both parents were druggies still are. Both of them drink and party. ON april 19 2009 Adam drowned in a back yard pool while they were inside paying attention to tv and drinking heavily. My sister called me around 4 pm and told me. It was soo heart breaking cause i watched him grow up for those two and a half years. I went to the wake but wasn't able to attend the funeral. I cried so hard for days. I don't know how i managed to get to where i am now. I feel like i've lost a child and it still hurts. HIs birthday is oct 23 and after a year of him being gone i thought my griefing would be over. I live a mile from the cemetary where he was burried. I visit often and cry everytime i do. I think of him often and cry everytime. I really just don't understand why i'm struggling so much. Its not intervening with my life but its makes me scared everytime i look at my son. I tell him i love him often and i just worry soo much when he is in someone else's care. Im still scared of swimming pools and my son going swimming period. I have no one to talk to and i feel like every now and then i just need to talk about it because of the pain.
There is no 'one way' of coping. Everyone copes in different ways. And you mourning this little boy shows what kind of caring and compassionate person you are. I mourn for all my friend's children. I mourn for children I don't know who passed away.
You can use your grief for Adam for good things also. Teach your son water safety. Three years old is plenty old enough to start learning the rules of using a pool and being around water.
I'm so sorry to hear about you and your friends loss