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Expecting after the loss...


Forum: Loss of a Child

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  #1  
July 21st, 2010, 02:46 PM
Mellza's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NWArkansas
Posts: 3,457
Reality is really starting to set in. I've posted on here before, but its been a long time. I lost my son Logan, who lived to be a little over 7 months old. He was never diagnosed, but had a degenerative disease that only appeared after birth.

This is second baby, first after Logan's passing... My circumstances are differently and genetically speaking, I have really good odds of having a healthy baby. I'm no longer with Logan's father, and it was likely that it was something autosomal recessive.

I caught myself wanting to buy a moby wrap, but wanting to wait until this baby is almost due, just in case he doesn't live...

I have this beautiful nursery, and I cannot believe that I have let myself get this prepared. If this baby doesn't live, I am going to pack up all this stuff... again, as I did when Logan died. I swore that if I ever had a baby again, that I would not put anything together until after they were born... but here I am, with a fully stocked nursery.

Are there any moms out there that have gone through this? How did you cope with the fear? Did you enjoy your pregnancy at all? Did you feel bonded to the baby at all?

I terrified, cannot enjoy this, and can't bond. I feel like no one can understand how this feels...
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Melly, 27. Wife to Jim. We're pregnant! VBAC hopeful after 2 c-sections
Living and loving life in NW Arkansas, USA

Mom to Logan, my beautiful angel son. 7/8/07 - 2/19/08
Collin , born on Oct. 15th 2010, 9.11 lbs. 100% breastfeeding, cloth diapered, all organic goodness.

Baby #3 on the way. EDD May 21st, 2012
SAHM, Student (science major). Volunteer (Arkansas Childrens Hospital).
Facebook :http://www.facebook.com/melly.jeffers
Family blog: http://mellyjimandcounting.blogspot.com/
My first son Logan, 7/8/07 - 2/19/08.
6 months in the NICU, 1 month at home, missed and thought about every single day.

Logans blog: logansworld.blog.com
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  #2  
July 21st, 2010, 03:05 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9,769
I wish I had something to say to help you but Calypso was our last baby. I will keep Collin and you in my prayers though and I know there are some ladies here who have been through having a new baby after a child with a loss and genetic issue.

I'm sure what you are feeling is 100% normal
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  #3  
July 21st, 2010, 06:54 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
What you are feeling is 110% normal. We had pretty much nothing for Lucy when she was born. I was just to scared to buy anything, just in case.

The stress and anxiety is one of the main reasons Lucy is our last. Neither my husband or I could go through that again.

Honestly, no, I didn't enjoy my pregnancy at all. I was so glad when it was over. I never really bonded with Lucy either until after she was born. We kept the gender a surprise to try and help give us some excitement about the pregnancy but I think all it did was make it easier not to bond.

I was afraid to tell people this is how I felt or fear of their reactions because it probably does sound abnormal and wrong to those who have never been through it.

I just took thinks one day at a time and counted down to my EDD (then went 5 days past it ). I was supposed to give birth at a birth centre but at about 36 weeks wanted to transfer to a better hospital but was told my reasons for wanting the transfer for were not good enough. That really didn't help ease the fears I had or help me cope with the feelings.

for you. I hope for only the best for you and you new baby boy.
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  #4  
July 30th, 2010, 04:13 PM
*MaLLoRy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: TeXaS
Posts: 1,239
I have been exactly where you are now. I lost my son, he was 2 years old and I found out I was pregnant the same night we had his funeral. Its so very hard to juggle the mixed emotions. I was so nervous and scared the first couple of weeks because I couldn't bare the thought of another loss so quickly. As my pregnancy progressed my worry eased, but until the very end I didn't want to set up her nursery or get anything for her. Your emotions are totally normal. It even took me a few months to REALLY bond with my daughter because I was still grieving my son. If you ever need to talk send me a message. My prayers are with you and your family.
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  #5  
August 11th, 2010, 11:22 AM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 42
hugs.... i am here after losing my first in 2007, and now having Taylor that is 6 months old. For me once I held Taylor and had him home in his room some emotions started being more clear and I was much for confident/happy. I still have my days, but love telling Taylor all about his big brother
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  #6  
August 16th, 2010, 07:25 PM
mommy2mykiddos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,209
I lost my son in 2009 and am now pregnant again. Every day Im scared that this might be the day I have to say goodbye. I don't know how to get over the fear. I too have things ready for the baby already and the fear of having to pack it all up is always in my mind. I wish I had advice for you, but just know you are not alone. Big hugs.
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