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The pain of her death is so new and fresh, I don't know how I will even handle Christmas this year. I am reluctant to even celebrate, but I know I must go on and she would want me to enjoy the holiday, although she isn't here to experience it with us.
Compassionate Friends has a worldwide candle lighting each year, a few weeks before Christmas. This will be my first year attending. Last year, the candle lighting was 3 weeks after Gracie passed, and I just wasn't ready to do it.
To commemorate her last year, I did buy an angel. I also bought a gift for a 3 year old girl whose angel I pulled off a tree at the mall. I will do that this year for a 4 year old and follow each Christmas buying a gift for a child in need who is the same age as my Gracie would be.
I can not return to Victoria General Hospital where she passed away, but I have been back our local hospital a few times and feel comfortable now going back to the pediatric floor. I will be making about 4 dozen Christmas cookies (different types) and bringing them to the nurses that looked after her during visits we had on the floor during her 3 years. We got to know our nurses quite well and they did so much for Gracie.
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
I am still putting her stocking up, and I Will light a candle for her. Other than that i am not sure, christmas, her birthday, and her death date are all one right after another, that 3 weeks is a doozy for me.