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Wednesday is going to be a hard day. The girls have a cardiologist check up. At the Children's Hospital. In the Cardio Clinic which isn't with all the other out-patient clinics. Its upstairs. On the 7th floor. In the Cardio Ward.
I have to go back there. The place where I spent most of Zac's life with him. I'm not sure I can. I'm not sure I can walk those halls again but this time not get to see him. I'm not sure I can. Even just the thought of it now makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Its odd. I've been back to the ER where he died. But, I think at the time I was too focused on Lucy's crushed fingers to really notice. Even when the Ped remembered us. It wasn't the exact same place. It was the other side of the ER. Wednesday will be different. It will be in the ward. The same elevators, the same walls. Probably the same dr's and nurses too.
Too many memories. Mostly bad. I have to go. I can't make Rodger go on his own and take both girls. We always went in to see Zac together on a Wednesday. I'm really not sure I can do this.
We leave in about 50 minutes. I feel sick to my stomach. Even thought about cancelling the appointments since I have a cold but it could be another 6-12 months till we could get another appointment and I don't want it hanging over my head for that long.