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my name is amber (from ddc september '11) and we just lost our beautiful baby boy tuesday morning at 12:45am, he was just 5 days old. going to be a long road ahead of us, my first pregnancy, kristopher was born 3 months early, very sick and just couldn't recover...not sure how to deal with the loss of a child, extremely hard not to blame myself..
I'm so sorry. There's nothing right or fair about losing a child. We all blame ourselves at some point. It's a very normal reaction. I'm a little over 3 months out from losing my daughter and it's very very hard, but I am starting to have times when I don't have to remember how to breathe.
thank you..im finding that i already have to keep talking about it...to keep remembering the 5 wonderful days he gave us even if it was in the NICU..im just afraid im not being strong enough for brian (my fiance' and kristopher's daddy)..that it's always me that's crying on his shoulder and crying myself to sleep and he doesn't get a chance to..but he won't he feels he has to be so strong for me..guess that's normal huh?
Totally normal. I would suggest remembering to ask him from time to time how he's doing. Don't be surprised or upset if he's not grieving the same way you are. Men and women often grieve differently.
I often find myself pretending to feel better than I do because I don't want to be such a burden to my husband. What I'm finding is that he can tell when I'm having a hard time and it puts more stress on him when I try to hide it. He'd rather have me tell him what's going on. It's not my nature to talk about my feelings, so it's a slow painful process. I think open and honest communication is probably the most important thing for a couple especially following the loss of a child, even though I'm no good at it.
i talked to him last night about how he's doing and told him that im worried about him...but he said he's ok..he's never lost anyone close to him..i lost my grandfather (who was like my daddy) 3 years ago but that's been nothing like loosing a baby..i guess ultimatley i want him to know that it's ok to cry and lean on me just as much as i am doing to him...its also our first day apart since i have been home from the hospital...sorry im rambling..
as wierd as it's going to sound, reality is hitting now because today (its 430am here) we are doing the last minute things for the funeral friday morning...we have to go pay the funeral director, call the cemetery, pick out the outfit he's going to be dressed in...kristopher is gone, we know he is, he passed last week and we've been dealing day by day but now it's like " &&^%*^%$%^^ it's time to say our final goodbyes to our son whom we will never get to watch grow up, never gotten to see smile, hold, see him open his eyes (well daddy did)"
i am now having the days where I am getting very irritated and very angry with the world, teling people how unfair it is that this happened (this is my second loss but first pregnancy i have delivered) and how i think i want nothing to do with anyone who is pregnant or anything of that sorts...its very hard for me to be active in my DDC here but i pop in and out because my ladies care and during my time of pregnancy i spent in there they have become my friends...my best friend just found out she's pregnant and is hesitant because she knows we are going through out loss and i want to be there for her and help her its just very hard
we are having a small, immediate family only funeral, going to be very short, we (me and my hubby) arent' very religious so we are not having a lot said, actually it will take people longer to get to the cemetery than the actual funeral will itself, kinda feel bad about that but apparently there is really only one cemetery in this state that specializes in baby plots...
does this ever get better? will i begin to feel better both physically and emotionally? we are both considering counseling...i'm having a horrible time because i feel like i'm to blame for all of this...
At the start the bad days far outnumbered the good but now the bad days are less and aren't as bad. I left funeral plans ect to my husband. He was (and still is) much stronger about things than I am. I still have days now when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry. Especially this time of year.