Log In Sign Up

new here


Forum: Loss of a Child

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Loss of a Child LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 7th, 2011, 02:23 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
hi ladies,
my name is amber (from ddc september '11) and we just lost our beautiful baby boy tuesday morning at 12:45am, he was just 5 days old. going to be a long road ahead of us, my first pregnancy, kristopher was born 3 months early, very sick and just couldn't recover...not sure how to deal with the loss of a child, extremely hard not to blame myself..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 7th, 2011, 07:15 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 592
I'm so sorry. There's nothing right or fair about losing a child. We all blame ourselves at some point. It's a very normal reaction. I'm a little over 3 months out from losing my daughter and it's very very hard, but I am starting to have times when I don't have to remember how to breathe.

Remembering your sweet Kristopher with you.
__________________



Mary Elizabeth stillborn at 26 weeks
Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 8th, 2011, 09:49 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
thank you..im finding that i already have to keep talking about it...to keep remembering the 5 wonderful days he gave us even if it was in the NICU..im just afraid im not being strong enough for brian (my fiance' and kristopher's daddy)..that it's always me that's crying on his shoulder and crying myself to sleep and he doesn't get a chance to..but he won't he feels he has to be so strong for me..guess that's normal huh?
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 11th, 2011, 01:54 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 592
Totally normal. I would suggest remembering to ask him from time to time how he's doing. Don't be surprised or upset if he's not grieving the same way you are. Men and women often grieve differently.
I often find myself pretending to feel better than I do because I don't want to be such a burden to my husband. What I'm finding is that he can tell when I'm having a hard time and it puts more stress on him when I try to hide it. He'd rather have me tell him what's going on. It's not my nature to talk about my feelings, so it's a slow painful process. I think open and honest communication is probably the most important thing for a couple especially following the loss of a child, even though I'm no good at it.
__________________



Mary Elizabeth stillborn at 26 weeks
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 11th, 2011, 03:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
i talked to him last night about how he's doing and told him that im worried about him...but he said he's ok..he's never lost anyone close to him..i lost my grandfather (who was like my daddy) 3 years ago but that's been nothing like loosing a baby..i guess ultimatley i want him to know that it's ok to cry and lean on me just as much as i am doing to him...its also our first day apart since i have been home from the hospital...sorry im rambling..
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 11th, 2011, 05:09 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 592
It's all so hard. I'm sorry hon. *hugs*
__________________



Mary Elizabeth stillborn at 26 weeks
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 12th, 2011, 10:53 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
it's all hitting me again today all over again...had to spend the afternoon at the funeral home picking out a casket and finalizing plans for his service....i think im going to be sick now...
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 13th, 2011, 04:02 AM
Delekatala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 3,626
Send a message via AIM to Delekatala
Sorry I am late popping in over here, I don't check this forum much lately. I lost my daughter in the NICU too, she was 16 days old. It is so unfair.

I still look for opportunities to talk about her, I am so afraid she will be forgotten, especially since because she was in the NICU so many people hadn't gotten to meet her yet.

Planning the funeral is stressful, but important, want to tell us about it? are you planning anything special?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 14th, 2011, 05:57 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
as wierd as it's going to sound, reality is hitting now because today (its 430am here) we are doing the last minute things for the funeral friday morning...we have to go pay the funeral director, call the cemetery, pick out the outfit he's going to be dressed in...kristopher is gone, we know he is, he passed last week and we've been dealing day by day but now it's like " &&^%*^%$%^^ it's time to say our final goodbyes to our son whom we will never get to watch grow up, never gotten to see smile, hold, see him open his eyes (well daddy did)"

i am now having the days where I am getting very irritated and very angry with the world, teling people how unfair it is that this happened (this is my second loss but first pregnancy i have delivered) and how i think i want nothing to do with anyone who is pregnant or anything of that sorts...its very hard for me to be active in my DDC here but i pop in and out because my ladies care and during my time of pregnancy i spent in there they have become my friends...my best friend just found out she's pregnant and is hesitant because she knows we are going through out loss and i want to be there for her and help her its just very hard

we are having a small, immediate family only funeral, going to be very short, we (me and my hubby) arent' very religious so we are not having a lot said, actually it will take people longer to get to the cemetery than the actual funeral will itself, kinda feel bad about that but apparently there is really only one cemetery in this state that specializes in baby plots...

does this ever get better? will i begin to feel better both physically and emotionally? we are both considering counseling...i'm having a horrible time because i feel like i'm to blame for all of this...
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 16th, 2011, 06:31 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
At the start the bad days far outnumbered the good but now the bad days are less and aren't as bad. I left funeral plans ect to my husband. He was (and still is) much stronger about things than I am. I still have days now when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry. Especially this time of year.
__________________

Thanks to Claire1979 for the amazing siggy.


Tweet Tweet Facebook Bloggin'

Our Angel Baby on Facebook

Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:07 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0