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  #1  
September 16th, 2013, 10:07 AM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,708
I'm Stephanie, Due with my 2nd son James 2/12. He is diagnosed with multiple defects and Trisomy 13. The doctor's told me to be realistic, and plan his funeral.

I just had to pick out an urn for the child I'm carrying.

How do I go on?
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  #2  
September 18th, 2013, 11:06 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 397
I am so sorry Stephanie... I really am. I wish this things just didn't happen. They shouldn't...
I was in similar shoes, I lost my first boy when he was 27 hours old - but that was completely unexpected. Although I think I would have liked to know it in advance, again, I'm not sure. I just don't know.
I keep my son's ashes hidden in the closet. His nursery is still decorated, as if nothing ever happened.
How do you go on? How could someone possibly go on??
Well, wether you do or don't, life will just keep going. The days will keep passing by. There's really no other option, it is not up to you to keep living or not. You just wake up and live another day. At first you may not shower and you may not eat, but that's not that necessary after all.
I suppose your existing son and husband/familly will be there for you, and you may realize not hurting them is a good enough reason to keep living.
I'm sorry I don't have better words, but all that "it will get better, have faith in a miracle, you will overcome this, you will have another child, you have to be strong for your son" stuff people keep saying sounds like nonsense to me.
I am now expecting my 2nd child. I really hope this child gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. I miss my son terribly every day. I truly believe I will never be "happy"again.
But I owe it to my husband, parents, and to my new daughter on the way, to just "keep going"...
Please PM me to vent anytime...
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  #3  
September 19th, 2013, 06:45 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could take all the hurt, fear. The only thing I can offer is support. I have 9 angels in heaven. I have not been as far along as you or had to plan for my childs funeral. I cannot begin to imagine what your going through. As far as carrying on, I honestly think your body just kicks in and goes on like a robot for awhile. It's hard, really hard (I'm not going to lie). The support of family, friends, love ones and other who have been through what your going through are a big key. One thing I really recommend is do not push people away. You will need them. Let them help you, let them support you. Let out your anger, your pain. Grieve your loss. If you need someone to talk to you can always PM me.
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  #4  
September 19th, 2013, 07:17 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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I am so sorry. I wish you and your family strength in this difficult time!
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  #5  
September 19th, 2013, 12:39 PM
hopelessly wishing's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: California
Posts: 546
I know no words could help heal your broken heart. This is very difficult. I pray for better days and help to deal with such a great loss..
Hang in there Hun, god has a plan for us all.
I will keep you and your family in my heart and prayers.
I'm so sorry.
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  #6  
September 19th, 2013, 01:58 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am so deeply sorry. I truly wish the words existed to bring you comfort.. As Katie mentioned I think the most important thing to keep moving forward is to talk to your family and friends and accept their support. Take all the time you need to grieve. We are here for you if you ever need and I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
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  #7  
September 19th, 2013, 02:17 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,865
I'm so sorry for your loss I've never been through a loss similar to yours, I lost a baby at 9 weeks pregnant and I know the pain you feel is very different. I hope you find some peace. Your livng child still needs his moma - use him as your courage & strength to move forward. Thoughts and Prayers to you.
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  #8  
September 19th, 2013, 03:23 PM
smsturner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 3,730
To be quite honest, I have been following you, to see how you are. This post broke my heart in ways I've never felt. I truly don't know how say anything that will help you move on. I don't think you'll ever forget it, or 'get over it'. I know you will miss little james forever. And I wish I could say anything at all that will help you be strong and feel more at peace. But I know there is nothing.
Please know you are cared about and you are NOT alone. I miss posting with you and I hope you don't mind that I keep following you. I'll be thinking of you, sending you hugs and love and wishing you strength and peace. And thinking of little james and wishing I could hug him too.
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  #9  
September 19th, 2013, 07:23 PM
OscarsPaprika's Avatar Strong proud Army wife ;)
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bragg, North Carolina
Posts: 680
I'm so deeply sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I've been thinking about you and praying for you guys. Your situation affects me deeply and I wish there was something any of us could do or say to help you through this. I can't say enough how much my heart breaks for you sweetheart, it's hard and it is going to take so long for you to even think about seeing the sun again.
But when you do, and you will some day, you'll realize no matter what you do and how long it takes you to get to that point..you'll always remember baby James.
You take your time, cry your tears, grieve for as long as you need to. Some day, you'll go to bed without crying, without the restlessness, you'll look back and see strength not only in yourself but in your family and in the little angel you are carrying right now. You'll never stop loving him and wishing you could keep him forever, and you won't forget. You'll look at your little man you have now and know how special he is and love him even more too.
You are stronger than most, you'll be even stronger, and when that strength seems to waver, we'll all be here for you too, as best we can be.
I wish I had better words, but nothing is really going to make it better except you grieving and accepting support and help when you need it.
God bless you and yours. I truly wish you nothing but the best possible. It'll get better eventually sweetie, just take your time.
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  #10  
September 19th, 2013, 09:29 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,750
This hurts my heart so bad. I can't begin to imagine what your feeling and I wish so much I could do something to help your pain. I have had miscarriages but never lost a child in this nature so I know it's different. You have love and support all around you. I keep you in my thoughts all the time and will continue to do so.
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  #11  
September 19th, 2013, 09:36 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Delta, BC
Posts: 2,391
Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers.
I can't imagine what your going through.
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  #12  
September 20th, 2013, 08:57 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,353
Stephanie I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish that there was more that I could say or do to help with your pain but I know there is not. Just know that we are here for you in any way that you need us. We are here if you ever need anybody to talk to or vent to.

I'm praying for you and for James.
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  #13  
September 22nd, 2013, 05:31 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,024
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I wish there were words of comfort for you but I know there isn't anything I can say to help you. Perhaps a counselor or pastor may help you get through the coming months?

I don't want to give you false hope, but my brother was born with a permanent hole in his heart and Trisomy 21 almost 50 years ago and my parents were told the same thing at his birth (there were no Ultra Sounds back then). He is a healthy older man now and a joy to be with.

I will be praying for you and your child.
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  #14  
October 4th, 2013, 04:04 PM
SuperMartianRobotMom6's Avatar Proud Mama & Happy Wife
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,708
I'm at 21 weeks now, we had our anatomy scan. James has a heart defect also. It just keeps getting worse. I don't know how Im going to survive 19 more weeks of this.
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  #15  
October 11th, 2013, 11:54 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,353
Stephanie I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better but I know that there is not. I lost a baby with downs but I lost her while I was pregnant with her so I know my loss is no where near what you are going through. Just know that we are here for you if you ever need to talk or vent or just need anything.
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  #16  
October 11th, 2013, 02:54 PM
Formerly ConnorMorgan
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,268
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through this past while. I can't even imagine what it must be like. Make sure you get some counselling to help you through this. HUGS.
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  #17  
October 11th, 2013, 03:41 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,750
Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you. As a mom dealing with the fact my baby has a heart defect also I know how heart breaking this all must be. I'm keeping you and baby James in my thoughts. I wish there were so much more I could do for you.
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  #18  
October 11th, 2013, 03:41 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,592
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way to you, baby James, and your family. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't forgotten.
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  #19  
October 11th, 2013, 03:46 PM
Jibby's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Hell, also known as Arizona ;)
Posts: 1,406
Stephanie, I am so completely and totally sorry. My heart is breaking for you. I cant even begin to fathom the depth of your pain and grief. PLease let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do for you at all. My thoughts, prayers and wishes for peace will be with you and all of your family.
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  #20  
October 13th, 2013, 03:29 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,105
I'm so sorry this is happening. No parent should have to say goodbye to their child. My first son Adam I lost to sids at 20days. It was so hard. No matter what people said it would annoy me. I was so angry at everybody including God. I went down to my very lowest, but I got through it. And you will too. I'm praying hard for you, your husband and James. I'm hoping for the very best outcome for you all.
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