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Forum: June 2014 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Missymoos
  • 2 Post By lennymae
  • 1 Post By Fall
  • 1 Post By Justjessie
  • 1 Post By Missymoos
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  #1  
November 25th, 2013, 12:55 PM
Regular
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 67
I haven't been around much because school and work have been crazy but things just got even crazier. The baby's father proposed last night. We haven't even been on a real date so I feel crazy even considering it but I am. Ahhhh. I haven't told anyone in real life but need somebody to either talk some sense into me or tell me in isn't the worst idea ever. I don't know what to think.

I hope you all are having great weeks!
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  #2  
November 25th, 2013, 01:04 PM
Missymoos's Avatar 1st time Momma-to-be
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ontario (Canada)
Posts: 1,089
Well - it is a def. a sign that the baby's father is committed to you and the baby...but make sure that marrying him is what you, yourself, want to do.
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  #3  
November 25th, 2013, 01:30 PM
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 1,910
I agree with Missymoos. Its a sign he is commited and really wants the best for you and your baby, BUT and this is huge, you NEED to make sure you want it, and not only want it, but that it will be an ideal situation for you all. I found out I was pregnant 4 days before we had been together a month... (with our first)
We were already living together, but we knew it was too soon for marriage, now 4 years later, we are 100% ready. There is no doubt, whatsoever. Even when we argue, and disagree, I still absolutely love him, and wouldnt want to argue that way with anyone else hahaaha.
Then again I knew a couple that was engaged within two weeks and married three months after and they have been together 50+ now. In my opinion though, getting pregnant is not the "right" reason to get married if it is the only reason. You shouldnt feel pressured to get married just becasue you are pregnant. You need to want it, because you want him. I look at it as : would you stick through his side no matter what? For example God forbid Brian (my dh)was badly injured and ended up in a wheel chair, lost a limb or two, had stroke/heartattack, would I still want him, and want to be there for him then? Even if all financial responsibilities became yours and you had to juggle taking care of hubby a baby and a career? Granted you never ever want these things to happen, but if it did would you still love him in the same way and want to be there to love him, and still be proud to say he is your partner? If you can honestly say yes, then I think that is a good indicator of being truley commited. That said he should make you happy and you shouldwant to work through problems together. You both have to want and do the best you can for each other.

Sorry that may have been a bit "intense" but that really is how I look at it LOL.
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  #4  
November 25th, 2013, 01:42 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxiemommie View Post
I agree with Missymoos. Its a sign he is commited and really wants the best for you and your baby, BUT and this is huge, you NEED to make sure you want it, and not only want it, but that it will be an ideal situation for you all. I found out I was pregnant 4 days before we had been together a month... (with our first)
We were already living together, but we knew it was too soon for marriage, now 4 years later, we are 100% ready. There is no doubt, whatsoever. Even when we argue, and disagree, I still absolutely love him, and wouldnt want to argue that way with anyone else hahaaha.
Then again I knew a couple that was engaged within two weeks and married three months after and they have been together 50+ now. In my opinion though, getting pregnant is not the "right" reason to get married if it is the only reason. You shouldnt feel pressured to get married just becasue you are pregnant. You need to want it, because you want him. I look at it as : would you stick through his side no matter what? For example God forbid Brian (my dh)was badly injured and ended up in a wheel chair, lost a limb or two, had stroke/heartattack, would I still want him, and want to be there for him then? Even if all financial responsibilities became yours and you had to juggle taking care of hubby a baby and a career? Granted you never ever want these things to happen, but if it did would you still love him in the same way and want to be there to love him, and still be proud to say he is your partner? If you can honestly say yes, then I think that is a good indicator of being truley commited. That said he should make you happy and you shouldwant to work through problems together. You both have to want and do the best you can for each other.

Sorry that may have been a bit "intense" but that really is how I look at it LOL.
No thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. I have been caught up in this dream of the possibility that we could be a family. One like I never had. But I can't answer any of these questions because I don't really even know him. Marriage right now would 100 percent be because I am pregnant. And you are right, that shouldn't be why I get married.
I guess I can take this as a sign he is commited to trying to be there for the baby but just that and not try and rush things.
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  #5  
November 25th, 2013, 03:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,290
My husband married his exwife because she got pregnant and he thought it was the right thing to do. They didn't really love each other and hadn't been together that long. They didn't even last long before divorce.

I agree it's a sign. You could tell him that you aren't comfortable rushing into marriage. Let's get to know each other first and go from there. If all else fails it's better to have a friendship for the baby then to hate each other because you jumped before looking.
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  #6  
November 25th, 2013, 03:14 PM
Justjessie's Avatar Really Just Angela
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 5,125
It's nice that he is showing the commitment...but like everyone else said, you want to make sure you get married because you love one another. That being said, commit to a relationship and see how it goes! Tell him you guys can discuss marriage/engagement after the baby. A LOT goes on in a relationship with a new baby/schedule adjustment. When the baby is about 1, if you guys made it through all that, and all is going well, then I say go for it! (And it's different with everyone!)
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  #7  
November 25th, 2013, 04:04 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 6,097
My advice would be to take it slow. You don't need to be legally bound together to have a family. My oldest is almost 7 and youngest is 2 and I just married their dad this year. We lived together and pretty much were married ever since I ot pregnant with Sara but neither of us were ready to make it official. Our girls never really knew the difference, they were loved by both parents and that is really all that mattered.

I do think it was amazing that he stepped up to the plate, and I think he maybe ready to step up and be a great support to you
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  #8  
November 25th, 2013, 04:15 PM
Missymoos's Avatar 1st time Momma-to-be
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ontario (Canada)
Posts: 1,089
ps - I totally agree with the other girls re: dating and relationship - for sure get to know him better and let him "court" you during the pregnancy. If all goes well after the first year then maybe rethink the marriage deal...kudos to Baby-daddy though for stepping up
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  #9  
November 25th, 2013, 04:17 PM
mrsdaiwa24's Avatar Amy, soon-to-be-mama of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 10,094
That's great that he wants to make a commitment to you and the baby, but I agree that it's a good idea to take things slow. You can be part of a loving family without rushing into marriage. See how things go -- you don't want to get married just because you're pregnant.

But hooray for stepping up!!!!!!
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  #10  
November 25th, 2013, 05:18 PM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,443
I wholeheartedly agree with the other ladies' advice! It is such a great sign that he's stepping up and it shows his commitment to you and the baby. But, take it slow, get to know each other and grow as a couple. In the end, attraction may fade, but love is a choice. You need to get to know him enough to decide if this is a person you are willing to choose to love all through life; it's ups and downs, your relationship's hard and good times, can you lovingly accept his faults, are you willing to stick it out when your relationship hits a hard patch, etc. *hugs*
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  #11  
November 25th, 2013, 05:37 PM
TiggersMommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 708
I completely agree with the other ladies. How old are you? I'm sorry, I have to ask.
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  #12  
November 26th, 2013, 05:22 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,854
That's awesome! Glad he's taking responsibility, however, I too agree with everyone else. You don't have to rush into marriage! Date, be friends, having a good relationship (even if it's just "friends") is the best thing for you all right now. You'll definately want to have a good relationship with him when the baby is here. It wouldn't be good for anyone if you rushed into marriage without knowing him and it ending in divorce, that can get messy, expensive and STRESSFUL on you both and your baby!
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  #13  
November 26th, 2013, 06:32 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NYC area
Posts: 268
Quote:
Originally Posted by lennymae View Post
No thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. I have been caught up in this dream of the possibility that we could be a family. One like I never had. But I can't answer any of these questions because I don't really even know him. Marriage right now would 100 percent be because I am pregnant. And you are right, that shouldn't be why I get married.
I guess I can take this as a sign he is commited to trying to be there for the baby but just that and not try and rush things.

Yeah, even though it's nice to know he's committed, take your time. A friend of mine recently got married after knowing a guy for a month, and they divorced like 2 months later.
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  #14  
November 26th, 2013, 07:48 AM
susie_q's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 986
I agree with the above. My baby's father and I were together 6 mon when I got pregnant. Although my mom would love to see us hitched, I'm not ready. I realize a baby is a huge step and a lifelong commitment, but I don't want someone marrying me because I'm pregnant. I want him to marry me because he loves me and wants to spend his life with me.

I say his commitment to the pregnancy and the baby are fantastic. And he should keep that up. But like the others say, I'd go on a few dates, date him and get to know him to make sure he's someone you want to be involved with on that level.
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