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Insensitive family members how do i cope :(


Forum: June 2014 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By mrsdaiwa24
  • 1 Post By moxiemommie
  • 1 Post By chrysalis1

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  #1  
December 31st, 2013, 01:04 PM
chrysalis1's Avatar + Positively Pregnant! +
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 472
I have been MIA lately because I have been feeling kind of depressed. I had my gender U/S two weeks ago and was so excited because I wanted a boy and have always wanted my first child to be a boy. I have always been a tomboy growing up and felt like I would fit right in a house full of boys. DH wanted a boy too mainly because he comes from a family of all girls and it would be the first boy in a while. So at our 16 week gender u/s we discovered its a..
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BOY!!!

And my happiness was short lived because I called my family all excited and they were instantly deflated. Its like no one cares about my pregnancy any more. I know it is probably the hormones but I am so depressed and sad because of how they treat me differently now. I understand that they were all rooting for a girl and the past 7 children born into our family have been boys and there are 5 boys under five, and they are dying for a girl, but they didnt have to make me feel like I didnt matter anymore. My grandmother didnt even try to hide her disappointment and turned to my cousin and asked her when she was getting pregnant again because she wants and needs a girl in the family. I know its stupid but now I feel like I let them down. I feel like I wished for a boy and feel so selfish for feeling excited for having one when my family all wanted me to have a girl and are tired of boys. And I also feel sad because I feel like everyone was only nice to me and treated me well before I knew what I was having because they all were convinced it was a girl. It makes me wish I never told them. I wish they could have been happy for me and I don't understand why I have to be chopped liver now because I didnt give them their girl. At least DH's family is thrilled and excited but its sad because they are now SO much more involved than my own family. No one in my family has even called me since I visited and told them the gender, when before people called me every couple days asking hows the baby. It makes me not even want to take my son around them when hes born because how dare they not appreciate him because hes not the girl they were expecting. I still have been feeling so sad lately because its hard to ignore that I feel like chopped liver to them and that I am a disappointment and unimportant. I wanted a boy so bad and will have one but I cant even be happy because they are ruining it for me by making me feel like a let down.

Sorry for ranting but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I usually am so upbeat and chipper all the time so I am sure it is the hormones but it is like my family sucked all the excitement out of my pregnancy and I feel guilty for not giving them what they wanted.
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  #2  
December 31st, 2013, 01:41 PM
mrsdaiwa24's Avatar Amy, soon-to-be-mama of 2
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Midwest
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First of all, welcome to TEAM BLUE!!!!!! We're certainly glad to have you aboard!

Secondly, it is a complete and utter shame that your family is treating you this way. Babies are blessings and no matter what the gender is, they should be celebrated. We are currently experiencing some family drama of our own over here, and I can share in some of your pain -- it is heartbreaking when those closest to you cannot be happy for you. Do NOT let them steal your happiness. They are being selfish and miserable -- they are stealing your joy and excitement. If they cannot be happy for you, then it is their loss. Your baby boy is a treasure and a blessing, and if they can't understand that, then they will miss out on so much.

You are NOT a disappointment. You have NOT let anyone down. This is THEIR problem, not yours. So celebrate your little son -- be excited, be happy, and be joyful. You deserve to be happy about this and if they are holding you back, then perhaps you need to distance yourself from them for a while (easier said then done, I know!).

Yay for a healthy baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #3  
December 31st, 2013, 02:19 PM
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I agree 100% with Amy. That is AWFUL that your family acted that way. You should be happy and celebrate your baby, regardlessof gender.If they arent happy then, its just a shamethey cant appreciate a precious newlife. I understand you are hurt, and rightfully so, but just stay positive, and embrace your dhs family a bit more. Stick with the people who love and support you and hopefully your family will come around

Oh! And this makes 6 girls and 9 boys for the june ddc!!!
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  #4  
December 31st, 2013, 03:10 PM
chrysalis1's Avatar + Positively Pregnant! +
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Thanks you guys, both of those responses mean a lot to me. I feel stupid for letting this get to me, but it just HURTS so bad to feel like a disappointment. It doesn't help that one of my closest friends also prefers girls and seems disappointed with my baby. She had to return a little pink dress she bought (which I didn't even know she bought!) I don't know if my family got in her head or what. But I will need to stay a little distant from them I guess. DH's family is thrilled and seem even more attached now that we know the gender. I just wish it was the same on my side. The part that hurts the worst is that this is DH and I's first baby and they aren't even excited for us anymore, but I will have to watch them be genuinely excited for someone else (whoever does give them a girl) at some point and that is going to suck. I can't help but feel like my cousins ruined it for me because I always wanted a boy and maybe if they all had girls, everyone would be excited for my little boy.
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Baby Braden 5/25/2014

Last edited by chrysalis1; December 31st, 2013 at 03:22 PM.
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  #5  
December 31st, 2013, 03:36 PM
bluewren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Massachusetts
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Congrats on having a boy!! I'm sorry your family felt the need to react that way and hopefully they will come around. If not, I agree that it is totally their loss. None of it is your fault and you deserve to be happy.
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  #6  
December 31st, 2013, 06:35 PM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 5,057
Congrats to you mama! Seriously, something is VERY wrong with all of them. How dare anyone make you feel that way.

Having a little boy is SO amazing. They are so much fun and they LOVE their mamas. You are so lucky! Just remember that and forget everyone else. *hugs*
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  #7  
December 31st, 2013, 07:36 PM
Marissa's Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry that your family is being so insensitive. That really is no way for them to act and I'm sorry that their selfishness is bringing you down. I think it's awesome that you are having a boy like you wanted. Hopefully everyone will get their head out of their you know what and start celebrating with you soon!!
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  #8  
January 1st, 2014, 06:49 PM
chrysalis1's Avatar + Positively Pregnant! +
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I just wanted to thank you guys again for the support and warmth I receive in this forum. I feel a lot better! My grandmother actually called today to say happy New year's and she asked me how is the baby doing, and I felt a lot better. Maybe they will come around and start being excited again....and if not I still have dh's whole family and all our friends
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Me: 23 DH: 25
"Mild" pcos, blessed with BFP on cycle #4 ttc
Baby Braden 5/25/2014
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  #9  
January 1st, 2014, 07:18 PM
mrsdaiwa24's Avatar Amy, soon-to-be-mama of 2
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Yay! Glad you're feeling better and really glad to see that your grandma called!
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  #10  
January 2nd, 2014, 08:34 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
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i know almost exactly how you feel. in my family, my grandma has 6 great grand children. they are all boys. she only had two children, which were girls (my mom and my aunt) so she really wants a great grandDAUGHTER. same with my mom. five grandsons, 0granddaughters. they keep telling my sister, cousin and myself that we 'arent doing it right'. i always wanted my first to be a boy too.

when i was pregnant with Keegan, we were told at our u/s that he was a girl. you can imagine the excitement when it had come out that he was a girl. my mom and grandma shopped and shopped and shopped. buut...he came out with some extra parts. we skyped my grandma into the delivery room so she could see the baby being born and she loved that, but wasn't thrilled when it wasn't a girl. and i felt like a failure. while calling all the family to tell them the exciting news of the baby, not a one person believed us when we said 'oh by the way, it's a boy'.

when my sister (the habitual liar) was pregnant with #2, she told everyone it was a girl. it was no big deal then, because it was only the second grandchild(great grandchild) so they didn't seem to care much when it was a boy. but she had her third baby last year and was also telling everyone 'its a girl'. of course we were all skeptical after i thought it was a girl and it really wasnt. turned out it was a boy. we take everything she says with a grain of salt because you really can't believe a single word that comes out of her mouth.

so now, it's turned into a competition in the family of who can have the girl. this pregnancy this time around would be nice to have a girl, but we won't be saying a word until AFTER the birth. i felt so bad that so much money was spent for this little 'Chelsey' that was really a 'Keegan'.

i hope things look up for you. be thrilled about your baby, even if no one else is. it's their loss <3
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