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Warning: I REALLY hope I don't come across as a spoiled brat, because that is SO not the case... but I want your opinions on this matter.
So, my DP and I picked out the crib we wanted. We searched tons of different stores, and fell in love with this nice, sturdy one that would hopefully last through this LO, and another LO or two. We put it on the registry, just because, but assumed it would be an item we'd be buying ourselves- no problem.
Sooooooo... my family lives 500 miles away. They haven't been too excited about my DP and I having a little one to begin with, but they've come around to the idea. My baby shower is in less than two weeks, and I had my DP's aunt (who's throwing the shower) invite my mom, sisters, and sister-in-laws, etc, just in case any can make the trip. My mom called me a couple weeks ago (after I knew she already received the invitation) and said they wanted to come visit Easter weekend. I was a little baffled, since they only come to visit about once per year, and why wouldn't they just come the following weekend, when my baby shower was scheduled?? I suggested that, but she insisted Easter weekend for whatever reason. (They're also very religious, and we aren't at all... so why this weekend??)
Ok - fast forward some.. sorry I'm rambling but it's all relative. lol.
Where my family is from, there's a website that does local auctions. You can buy brand new things SUPER cheap and pick it up within 2 days. (They're usually missing a bolt or something that you can get for a buck at Lowes or something) My mom told me they bought us a changing table, which I'm pretty excited about because we didn't even plan to get one - so it's a nice bonus!! She got it for about $15 !!
Now, last night my mom sent me a picture of a crib that was for auction, and it was pretty cheap looking. It's the color we want, but just doesn't look like it'll last. She asked what we thought (she's mentioned the cribs on this site before, but we politely declined) but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. and guess who won it?
I'm excited because we have a crib now. Butttttt... it's not the one we wanted. And my DP is dead set on getting the one we decided on anyways. He said we can buy the crib we want, and just say that someone bought it off the registry because we forgot to take it off or something. But I don't want to offend my parents; I mean, they didn't have to buy it for us, ya know?! And it would save us money for now (although I'm sure it won't last through 2 more babies).
Oh, that's a tough one. I know I sounded like a spoiled brat after my first shower because I was baffled that people did NOT buy off the registry. We seriously have more blankets and ugly clothes than we could ever use. Many of which we are now donating. I guess some people just don't shop of the registry.
Anyways, I would probably go ahead and use the crib if you like the color. If it doesn't hold up, get the one you registered for. Just know that this crib is probably just for one kid. I would, however, make sure there are no recalls or anything on the crib since it was not purchased from a store. If so, that could be your excuse.
It does sound like your mom is coming from a good place though, which is good since I know your family hasn't been overly supportive.
I'd use it unless obviously there is something about it that could make the crib potentially hazardous . It seems like your family is trying to support you in their own way.
I also agree that people are not always registry shoppers. At the risk of coming off as a total control freak, everything that really mattered to me I bought myself and never put it on the registry. Some people would see a car seat on the registry as a "They need *A* car seat" and I see it as "I have painstakingly researched how I could do a center install with an infant seat in our car and still be able to fit DS's seat next to it. This is THE seat."
Hah! My inlaws gave our first a radio add and a piece of artwork for the nursery. We were dirt poor and needed everything. Heaven for bid they use the registry. Most of the professional advice I have seen says you should never buy a used car seat or crib and many recent cribs are recalled due to having drop sides. (Not judging those who do. I looked everywhere for a good used crib this time and would take a used car seat if I knew where it came from.) You may be able to use some of that research to explain why you don't use the crib she bought.
I'd use it. My crib is a hand-me-down that my boss gave me, that's made it through 13 years and 5 kids before mine. When I first saw the pictures, i thought it looked cheap but because I'm not at a place right now to afford a crib, I took it. Plus, my rationale was I have a pack n play with a bassinet option, AND someone gave me their bassinet, which he will probably use for the first couple of months, so I can go a little longer without a crib.
But, once it was set up, it's actually pretty cute. Probably not what I would've picked because it does look older but it's clean and it's super sturdy. I had my bf get in it and lay down to make sure it held him. Then we secured all the sides with extra bolts because I worry about that, but the mattress is set so low. Once I put the crib sheet in and the crib skirt, it came together.
I guess point is they use the crib for such a short period of time in the long run. It does suck it's not the crib you wanted, and I totally get that, but who knows, maybe when you get it it'll look nicer in person. I'd save the money you would've spent on a crib and put it elsewhere, either other furniture for the nursery or towards her bed as she gets older, or something. Plus it may not be worth the hassle of hurt feelings with your family getting you a big ticket item and you not using it (but that could just be my family, they're all super sensitive :/
Another thing that might help, my bf's mother gifted me a glider bc she heard I wanted one, but the glider she gifted me was super old and way ugly. My sister came up one weekend and reupholstered it for $15, we cleaned it up and it came out looking amazing! Sometime the decorating touches help, so once the crib is all decorated it may look almost as nice as the new crib
I'd use it. We picked out "the dream crib", and before DS was 1 year old the crib was recalled by the company. I had to send the bolts back to the company in order to get the voucher and when I called to company to ask where I should put my son in the mean time, they agreed to reimburse me for a crib purchase if I sent in the receipt. So I bought a new crib, and when I put friend's son in to nap one day I noticed that the wood split on one of the sides and it was totally not repairable. So, we're going on our 3rd crib now for baby #2. Just go with the flow and accept their gift.
Having had my baby shower already and also receiving a ton of clothing and whatnot - I knwo where the other ladies above are coming from. The worst is when you get all this stuff without gift receipts too - some people don't bother with registries at all...and some people see registries as a "guide" as opposed to a purposefully planned list. This is why we did get a lot of the big ticket items ourselves.
That said, your family sounds like they are trying, so I guess the main thing to decide with whether the crib is worth possibly upsetting this newfound interest they are taking in your LO.
I would at least wait until you see the crib in person - some of the older cribs are actually built better than the seemingly better newer cribs so you never know. Even if it only lasts for one baby and you end up buying your dream crib for the next baby - at least you can save and budget for it over a longer period of time.
As far as crib recalls go - if it is just because of the drop side, I agree with Susie, an extra bolt or two will take care of that. I bought my entire nursery set off of my old boss (and I was lucky, the nursery set is a gorgeous solid honey-coloured wood and very clean and classic looking). The crib however IS a drop down side, but DH secured it so that drop side will now take my entire weight without budging and I feel fine about it now - there is no way GingerBean is going to be able to move it
A crib is kind of a big deal. If its not the one you want and its used, then I'd decline to use it. You never know how used cribs were treated by their previous owners. Cute or not it might just not be safe. I'm ALL for used baby gear but cribs and car seats are where I draw the line.
As long as it's new and has no recalls, I would try to use it. Then like others suggest if it breaks, buy the dream one then. I know it sucks not to have the one you really wanted, especially for something like that, but the drama that is created by turning it down could be far worse.
I think you should accept it and try to us it if you can. It seems like it might be your mom's "olive branch" so to speak. I'd check and make sure about recalls, but as PP have mentioned - you can always reinforce it with extra screws.
I don't think there is anything wrong with using used baby gear, as long as you have a general idea of where it came from.
Honestly, it depends on what you and your DP want I don't think you'll go wrong either way. If you decide NOT to use it, you can politely decline it (depending on your family and how they react), come up with a reason not to use it (safety, etc.), or heck, if they only visit once a year, just pretend you're planning to use it and get the one you want. They may not even notice once all the bedding is on. Or, if they do, go with the whole "someone bought it off our registry" or "the one you bought ended up having a defect, so we had to replace it" or something else.
That said, if it's safe, I would use it. Again, I DEFINITELY don't think you guys would be brats AT ALL if you decided not to. I'm just super cheap, haha, so I'll use anything if it's free My parents very generously just got us beds for our big kids. We were in the market for them, but my mom picked what she liked for the kids, not necessarily what DH and I had been looking at. Regardless, the kids are excited, and they will work great for now. So if you can look at it as a means to an end, a way to save the money from the crib for something else, and if it's safe and study enough, use it for this baby. See what happens I know that with Max, I got a nice, sturdy, heirloom quality crib for him. And he chewed it and jumped in it and drove cars in it and climbed on it and stuck stickers all over it (where the darn stickers came from, I may never know). After one kid, it looks like it's been around since the 1940s. Point being, you may invest in a higher quality crib, and it still may fail you or even just look like it came from a back alley by the time baby number 2 is here. Or, you may have the most gentle baby in the world, and the lesser quality crib may come through looking perfect for her siblings You just never know.
__________________ Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)
Thanks for all the replies ladies!! I'm totally on board now with keeping/using it if it's not recalled or anything. Nowwwww... I have to get my DP on board with the idea. He's a first time daddy to a baby and bio kid. (My son is his step son [practically real son] and he never experienced the baby years with him either) so he's wanting to go all out, ya know. But I will try to work my magic! lol
I understand that I bet you can convince him, though! Is there anything else or something a little extravagant or crazy or just unnecessary that he had wanted for baby? Or that he might want? Maybe offer to let him take half or all of the money that you would have spent on the crib and get X or even just got on a "baby shopping spree" and let him pick whatever he wants for baby?