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I'm wondering, if your partner has decided to get a vasectomy, has he discussed this decision with other friends/family? Did they try to talk him out of it?
DF mentioned to his dad that Ellie will be his first and last biological child, and FIL said "Well, so far." DF kind of laughed and responded that he was planning a vasectomy after she's born and FIL told him to reconsider... uh? Luckily the subject changed quickly, because that was super uncomfortable, but I'm kind of upset that FIL thinks he has a say. Ellie makes three for us, and when we became serious three was the number we were 80% sure on. Once we knew she was a girl, and especially with how difficult this pregnancy has been on me, we were for sure that she's the last. FIL keeps going on and on about how he's never going to treat the boys differently from Ellie... but I kind of feel like he's against the snip because he wants more "real" grandkids.
Ry, happily engaged to Zach.
Mom to Bodhi, Brigham, and Elliott.
Mine already did, but this is our number 3 and we had planned on two. Family has been very supportive. I am having some health issues and it would not be good for me to have another pregnancy. I looked into a tubal, but my ob does that at 6 weeks post partum and since my husband travels I would be recovering on my own with 3 kids and no help. My two cents is to wait at least until the baby is a few months old if it is his first. Not that I think you guys will or should change your minds, but you will want to be absolutely sure its the right thing for both of you.My husband's family definitely has a thing for biological grandkids over adopted/step grandkids. When his grandpa died he left money to all biological grandkids and then my son, the only great grandkid, but not the two step children that were raised by his son. My father in law is making a big deal about this being the first biological granddaughter and while that is exciting, he has an adopted granddaughter who is fortunately old enough not to feel like she is in competition with the baby. (17) Hopefully that isn't your case. I guess I am on my soapbox because it bugs the heck out of me.
Just make sure that you are 100 percent positive. We thought Betsy would be our only child.....for three years we said we were one and done. However, I think both of us were always hoping that we would have a second child. Thankfully, even though we had said we were done, we hAdnt done anything permanent.
This time, we can say with complete certainty that we are done and our family is now complete. Of course, in our case, it helps that we are 39 and 40. I had the tubal ligation after the c section.
Make your decision based on what you guys really want. I'd suggest that once you make a decision, wait a while before you act on it. Once you do it, there's no going back. Good luck!
DH first volunteered while I was pregnant with DS to get one once we were done. Right now he says he will wait until Penelope is a year old just to make sure. Speaking for myself, I am 100% done and I'm surprised by him wanting to wait. He would have been happy stopping at one. I'm also of the mindset that if we did decide that we needed a third I would definitely push for adoption.
As far as your FIL, it could be less about "biological" and more that he wants lots of grandkids or has some guy thing about a male undergoing such procedures. Like a "I would never let anyone do anything to my business area ever!" sort of thing.
DH was all set to get the snip before little miss arrives but he is now saying he wants to wait until well after the birth just in case something goes wrong. I can see where hes coming from but im really hoping he is not changing his mind and using delay tactics.
DH is getting snipped but we've decided to wait a few years. I want to know that we've got two healthy kids and I want to be 150% we only want 2 kids. I'm 110% sure now but I'm reserving the right to change my mind at least for a few more years. I'll be getting the Paraguard IUD after Sprog is born.
We have the opposite problem. My parents have already decided on DHs vasectomy for us We are both confident this is it for us. 3 is a good number. We've also said if we ever wanted a 4th, we would want to adopt.
That said, we have both also said we would feel uncomfortable ever doing anything permanent. For us, it's just such a risk. We both change our minds all the time!
Yes, we are carrying the risk of an unplanned baby in the future, but that's our choice, and not my parents. It may have been the right choice for them, but at least for now, it isn't for us. And it's the same for you. First child or tenth, if it's what you and your SO want, and I know you've thought about it and researched and have made an educated choice, then it's about what is best for YOU and not what is best for you FIL.
And I understand the whole issue of step vs. biological grandkids. Both my parents and my ILs are wonderful to both kids, but they also each tend to favor their boi grandkid a little more. I definitely wonder what will happen with baby. In some ways, I am hoping baby is a girl. My ILs have two bio granddaughters and two step grandsons. I feel like it will be easier on the boys if any differences in treatment can be chalked up to gender differences versus differences in parentage. I also struggle with my son with this, since my husband IS his dad, if not his bio-father. He raises him and will adopt him. While DSD has her bio-mom and bio-mom's family, to DS, my husband and I are his only parents.
__________________ Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)
This will be my second, and my DP's first biological child.. with that said, we actually have plans to have 1-2 more. (1 more if it's a girl, and 2 more if the next is a boy)
After that, I have no idea what we'll do... that's some time away. BUT - I feel like no matter what we choose, we would wait until our last is at least 1 or 2 years old, to make sure that's what we are definite on.
We discussed it again last night and he is still dead set on having it done. The way he put it, if in a few years we are in a place financially and mentally where we feel that we want more children, he doesn't feel right about creating more children and would want to adopt, which is the same way I feel.
I also know I can not go through pregnancy again. This pregnancy was technically normal and it has beaten me within an inch of my life, and I don't think being older and adding in the potential for problems will change my mind. I told DF that if he changes his mind and wants another biological child, he better plan on having another wife too because I won't be doing that.
Ry, happily engaged to Zach.
Mom to Bodhi, Brigham, and Elliott.
Our (Dh's plan) was to have me have my tubes tied after our last baby, but I just couldn't do it...I didn't feel done (even if we were done)....this time...DH wants me to have my tubes tied again...and even though I feel we are done, I don't want to to do it.
I told him that he can get snipped, but he has major qualms about having his parts messed with - my feelings though...if you are 100% sure you are done, then you can take care of business.
__________________ Rhietta LillyAnna 10.26.02 William 11.06.03 Ethan 7.3.08 Liam Ryan 2.17.12 Rowan Oliver 6.19.14