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I suppose I can give a little background on myself to start things out.
My Name is Nikki, and my DF is Josh. We have known each other since we were in 8th grade, and in high school were very good friends. We lost touch after high school, I was married, divorced, and then through friends, we were invited to a party. Josh was there. We picked up our friendship and started hanging out on a regular basis again. After a while, things were flirty, but I had always had that problem as I dont have many girl friends and prefer to hang out with boys (less drama, Im not very girly, etc..) and once in a while signals get crossed. However, this time, having been married, I thought... You are suppose to marry your best friend... he's my best friend... why not try a relationship? So we started seeing each other without letting our friends know. (in case it didn't work, we didnt want things to be weird with our friends)
After dating for a year, we finally came public, and that was that. Everyone was like "finally! you two are two peas in a pod"
We dated for a while, and had a rough patch during the time I got pregnant, so sadly, there was a paternity question. (I never thought I would be THAT girl, I have always played by the rules, and was the "good" one.)
I always felt in myheart the baby was J's and thank the lord, it was. We worked through everything and he was there for the end of my pregnancy, the scary delivery and jumped into fatherhood with full force. He was definitely my saving grace. He let me sleep for 8 hours at a time, and helped with as much as he could.
We definitely were not expecting to get pregnant with number two so quickly. I battled endometriosis, PCOS, a hostile uterus and blood and heart issues for years, trying to get pregnant before having Zane. I had my right ovary removed in 2008, and was told that my left fallopian tube was blocked. I was officially medically infertile. Josh and I were ok with that, we thought one day we could adopt, and we'd have a family some how.
When I randomly became pregnant with Z... we had no idea if it was a fluke, or if we'd be able to expand our family. We both wanted 3-4 children, and were just thrilled I was able to birth one myself...
My doctor told me when DS was around a year, it wouldn't hurt to try and get pregnant again (a year because I had a c section) so when DS was 10 months old, I said, hey I think I am ovulating... should we just start trying and see what happens over the next year? He said sure... and we got pregnant that night... I was SHOCKED when auntie flo didnt show.. I was prepared for another fight, not getting pregnant on the first try!!
So, here I am. Miracle baby #2 on the way. I never thought I would be here... and I am loving being a mom. It's like I am complete now, I was meant for this job, and it's finally happening I Still look at DS and am amazed I get to be his mom.
Last edited by colette20; December 10th, 2013 at 11:38 AM.
I think the rough patch was actually what we needed, in the long run. (Not happy about the paternity thing, I still have a lot of guilt there) We had to work hard to get through it, but before that I feel like we both took a lot for granted and we were't fully committed and lazy in the relationship. But, with that lovely rough patch, we had to make head on decisions and talk about everything. We definitely picked up good relationship habits. We are much more honest with each other about EVERYTHING. and We are stronger now than I think we ever could have been. I am not proud of my mistakes, but in the end, it was a the hit we needed.
I lost my sh*t again last night and apparently DF was in a mood too because he just came back at me, and I ended up just feeling more like crap.
I am just worn out, and holidays are not my favorite time of year. (We lost my 24 year old brother in law last year, a few days before Thanksgiving., and we are just...blah about holidays since then)
Plus DF's family drives me crazy. His Dad especially. DF get a ride home from him every day (Our car is currently out of order, and my dad is a mechanic, but our stuff is always the last to get worked on! Grr and the bus ride is over an hour home) and so he's at my house pretty much daily.
A little background... his parents are very sweet, very very sweet. However, their common sense is.... lacking. DS had RSV and because of that he had some restrictions and some I enforced (because ANY time he gets sick.. he gets REALLY sick. Needs to be nebbed... all that) and they just don't seem to listen. I told them repeatedly, he was to be no where near the pool, per the doctor. He wasn't even getting sink baths at that point, to avoid splashing and getting water in his lungs (right after RSV had been diagnosed) and what does his dad do? Put his legs in the pool. His neice told us, or else we would not have been told. This was the first time they were grounded. No unsupervised visits.
As time went on, we had told them a million dang times, I have severe food allergies, and DS had reacted to a few foods, so we were VERY careful with his diet and NOT to feed him anything but the food we provided. What do they do? Give him pudding. Once again, the niece snitched, and I was beyond upset. Not only are they feeding him sh*t, but by not telling us, if he reacts to something, we have NO IDEA what is going on.
The in laws have 2 granddaughters, and their moms are single mothers, so they have them A TON. So, they act like parents. They think this carries over to US and think everything is up for group discussion, or that they have say, and just do whatever the he** it is they want.
They are currently grounded again, and I am not letting them off anytime soon. (IE: They come here with one of the girls who is a TOTAL brat, and she tries to pick up DS, and they sit there and DON'T correct her.) DF has to yell at her, and tells me I need to if I see it I need to yell. Ummm no. I don't yell, or discipline others children. That is just NOT my place. I am not her aunt (yet) but I am not blood, I am not comfortable correcting her. However the fact that his parents DON'T correct her.... p*sses me off to no end. And this is while we are IN the room, I can only imagine what it would be like if we weren't there.
His mom is always calling, asking to take him, and we constantly say no. They just don't GET that their behavior needs a noticeable change before DS can be with them.
This is also frustrating as my parents are often busy with my nephew (my sister being a widow now) and I don't have many chances to get a sitter and have tome to myself, or with DF. It would be nice if I could TRUST his own grandparents.
I also don't like him going over there, because they both chain smoke, and the house is covered in nicotine (literally dripping down the wall, ashes on the floor) This is their choice, and it's their home, but it doesn't mean my kids have to be a part of it. They seem to take offense to it.
I smoked. I am not insensitive to their rights to smoke (although they do smoke, with windows rolled up, with the granddaughters in the car... gross) But I never smoked in my house, or around children. I had some dang sense about it....
Anyway... They are coming over today.... so I am a super. crabby. patty.
I'm ready to get my car fixed and get a dang break from his family.
So yeah... right after my last ranting post, DF's dad had a heart attack :/
He has a surgery and is home, and is ok. This is his 3rd heart surgery....
However, he still smokes, and that is soooo not good for an already weak heart.
I am still not looking forward to the holidays. I think a lot of that is from Ben's death last year... we had cruddy holidays and honestly it still feels like we should be mourning and not celebrating...
Plus, I am still not looking forward to having to spend all that time away from home and with the families, and traveling and all that... Im just sooooooo tired these days... and I know people are so unsympathetic during your first tri for whatever reason. (People see no belly... no reason to be miserable.) and I am just not looking forward to being worn out and having to put on a happy front.
Im just glad we're done with holidays for a while after this.
I feel like I only come here to whine.... and that's probably true. I have no one to listen to me around here, and sometimes I just need a dang outlet.
So yesterday after he gets off work, he's like... The guys invited me to lunch tomorrow. (I am instantly annoyed because "lunch" means a random meal in between beers and is an all day long event)
Then he says, I can call my parents an they can watch Zane and we can both go.
I instantly see through him. He wants to go out, and by offering his parents as sitters I will obviously say no, and then he's covered because he can say "I told you to come with."
I just sigh, and tell him do whatever you want. And that was the last he brought it up.
So at 11 today he gets a text saying they're on their way. I had no idea he was leaving, especially that early, I didn't get my shower, and I'm stuck at home yet again.
Since we moved in (end of september) I haven't left unless its for a family event, or to grocery shop, and honestly I can count those on two hands.
I just want him to actually think of me once, plan something ahead of time, so sitters and transportation can be worked out, and actually get me out of the house for something I actually want to do.
I love staying home with my son. I love it so much. But I don't get any breaks. I literally go three weeks at a time without ever leaving the house.
I feel like today was a big f**k you.
He wants to go out, so he does. I stay home, (with a crabby, diarrhea baby) and he comes home to a clean house and his laundry done. There is no downside for him at all. I get all of the crap.
I feel like I can't complain either because then it feels like Im complaining about spending time with my son, and that isn't the case.
I also understand he works full time, and he deserves time away too. But he actually gets time away, enjoyable time away, and I don't. I work full time too, and I never clock out. My boss hollers and Im up at 4 am fixing bottles and changing butts.
So, with all the lovely pregnancy hormones, Im swinging between incredible hulk type anger, and crying like a blubbering fool.
I don't wanna pull the pregnancy card, but it IS hard work just growing a baby, Im tired, Im sore (thanks spd) and I look forward to the weekend because I have help and get mini breaks.
You should tell him how you feel you can not do things on your own I went through some thing like that When my daughter was little and I was pregnant with my son . Tell him you need to arrange a time on his days off for you to leave the house for a little you time even if it is only to get a manicure or pedicure or walk the mall. You can not be at your best with out a little you time at least once a week . Explain to him you love your son but need time to your self as well that he needs to help with his son as well.