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I have been battling with weight for as long as I can remember. I was the first in my class to develop and at the age of 12 I was 5'4" and 120lbs. Seeing all my skinny friends I thought I was fat. At that point I would go days without eating anything at all. My parents were into their own lives so they didn't really seem to notice. I went away to college and gained weight - I was up to about 145 and felt miserable. When I left college I started working full time and taking classes to enter a teaching program at night. I start living on vending machine food and dropped down to 117. It felt great to be that weight and the best part was that I never felt hungry. So I keep eating very little food. I met my husband, went to school and became a teacher. Sometime in that period my weight became less important (probably because I was happy). I stabilized at 125 and as long as I didn't gain any I was okay.
THEN...I got preggo with twins. I weighed 199 at the time of delivery. It didn't really bother me to gain the weight because I knew I needed to for my kids. Unfortunately it took me 2 years and several stomach flus to drop it. I was miserable. Once agian I stopped eating for extended periods of time. When I got pregnant with my dd last year I was down to 115 and could not get myself to eat. Even throughout that pregnancy I worried about gaining too much weight and carefully monitored what went in my mouth. That time around even the "for the good of the baby" thought wasn't helping me eat. I was told multiple times that I needed to start gaining weight.
I took what little weight I had gained with Katelyn off and now sit here at the computer at 118lbs and obsessing about everything I put in my mouth. The sad thing is that I eat for crap when I do eat and I justify it by not eating alot.
My typical day:
2 packages of oatmeal
a couple of saltines
I know some of its self esteem and a lot of it is the control that I can exert over the food. I am also afraid of eating since for 2 years everything I ate made me sick to my stomache (pregnancy, stress and stomach flus). I never want to feel sick agian so I just don't eat.
I get the same problem... EVERYTIME i eat i get soo sick. So i just dont eat much. What kind of sick did u get... like bowel problems or wanting to throw up? sry if thats to personal. Do you still get sick?
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