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I don't frequent this room much...for a strange reason...


Forum: Mommies With an Eating Disorder

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  #1  
October 26th, 2010, 03:58 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,931
I have bopped in and out of this room many times, sorta lurking and posting ocassionally. But it is strange, I feel like I don't really belong in this room. I seriously HAD an eating disorder. I know they say that it never goes away and that you are recovering all the time. I get that. I went to six SOLID years of treatment, lived in hospitals and treatment centers the entire time. I did listen to that stuff and get what an eating disorder is all about.

But most of the time, it feels like all that was another person/life/experience all together. I have been in recovery for 5.5 years, which is a long time. Almost as long as when I was sick. But I have no desire to go back there. I have horrendous memories of those times. I remember how painful it was, how sick I felt all the time, and how awful it was to live in a hospital room and have someone else tell you what to do all the time. I have reached that point where I forget about it a lot. I forget that I had that part of me.

I am a high-end normal weight for my height and have been overweight (I was severely anorexic, just to put that in perspective). I eat whatever I want and don't count calories at all. I don't weigh myself, try on clothes, or feel guilty when I eat a second bowl of ice cream. I am very comfortable in my own skin, stretch marks, extra weight, and all. I am still obsessive about things (like shopping or picking at my skin), but that is the OCD part that I try to control with medication. I feel like the anorexia part is just gone. And that makes me feel like a faker. Like I don't really belong in this room because I can't relate to things in the "here and now." I can only relate to having that experience in the past.

I don't know if any of you feel this way. But I wanted you to know that I don't dislike the folks in here. I think the ladies in here are awesome and would love to hang out. But I just feel weird and out of place. Thanks for letting me talk confusedly
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  #2  
October 27th, 2010, 03:37 PM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
lol - i know how you feel - i go back and forth between feeling out of place. I think when you're not active with your ED and it doesn't take priority any longer and your in a comfortable place with recovery - things arent' really a struggle - so you don't look for that support or those relationships. I think that's why this room is usually so slow and has a lot of lurkers - because when the ED is the past or you're trying to put it in the past - you don't always need that support. And it's hard too when we're all at different places in our recovery or struggle to relate to each other at times. I'm glad you know we're here if you do need a place to vent or need some support. Hey, and you're always welcome to put up encouraging words or advice for the ladies that are still struggling. I'm so glad to hear you're doing so well!
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  #3  
October 31st, 2010, 08:52 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 2,162
Ditto to what Alethia said!!! she put it perfectly!
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