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My first post: Pre-baby obsessing


Forum: Mommies With an Eating Disorder

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  #1  
July 28th, 2011, 10:32 AM
cdukes2010's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 585
Hi all, I am new to the JM boards all together and generally am in the TTC boards. As I was hunting for some useful boards I found this. I thought it might be a safe place for me to express my fears of baby weight.

I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia for about 14 years. Recently I've started really recovering (or so I think) I went over a month without making myself sick which is HUGE for me. Although I've been able to maintain a normal weight, eat normal meals, let go of most of my insecurites I still freak out about the way I look. Some days are better than others.

Long story short, since we are TTC our very first and I am 27 I am TERRIFIED of the weight gain. At the same time I am buying OPKs I am trying to find a juice fast to go on so I can shed pounds or buying exercise equipment to make sure I can workout with every spare moment before baby. In my head I just feel if I weigh less when I get started I'll have less to lose after baby. I'm constantly looking up "ways to lose the baby weight" and I'm not even pregnant yet! I'm terrified of not being able to workout at my normal intensity after I get pregnant. At the same time though I want nothing more than to be pregnant.

Has anyone else gone through this? What helped? Is it normal for women to do this or is this really ED talking it's nonsense in my ear?
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  #2  
July 28th, 2011, 02:57 PM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
Welcome! :wave:

It's totally normal for you to be going through this as far as thoughts and fears. I've had 5 pregnancies and 2 live born kiddos. and each time it hit me in a different way. I struggled for 13 years with anorexia and bulimia and good ol EDNOS.

the start of the weight gain before i could tell like i was preggo -- where i really looked preggo not just a few extra lbs was really hard for me -- i daily had to have positive notes on my mirror and just remind myself every-time my thoughts started going down hill that i'm making a person and that requires that i gain weight and i be healthy. Sure i had my "omg i'm huge" days but you push your self to get through it... feeling like that doesn't make it so, and it's not going to do anything to you to sit with those feelings and move past them --- it will harm you and baby to act negitivly on those thoughts. I just kept reminding myself. I also stuck with foods i felt "safe" about when i was having a hard day.

i also focused hard on the amazing parts of being preggo especially when you can start to feel movement ... it's an easy and great reminder..and it's amazing - it'll get you through the though thoughts.

as far as baby weight loss - i've said it here before - but as someone with a history of anorexia you know how to loose weight - so it'll happen. It does however come off a lot easier and faster than 'normal' weight. a lot of it is fluid and baby etc. I think with both kiddos after their births i lost 30lbs not doing anything in the first 2 weeks. but if you eat right, do and move around - which you will with a baby - it will come off. You also have to remember it took 9 months to put on the weight you have to give your body time to let it go -- they like to say 9 months on 9 months at least to get it off.
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  #3  
July 28th, 2011, 05:56 PM
cdukes2010's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 585
Thanks! That helps! I keep telling myself that once I am preggo that little bean is the only thing that will matter and I really believe I am a strong enough person to make that happen. I think it's almost the thought of getting pregnant and the anticipation of gaining weight that's thrown me back a little lately. I never thought I'd even be at a point where I was trully healthy and happy enough to bring another person into this world so that's a step in itself!

It's hard to express these things to other people because they assume if all you are worried about is the weight that you are not ready to have children. I think that's so inaccurate. I'm more than ready.

Maybe I should try to positive notes on the mirror thing.

I look forward to getting to know everyone on this board and thanks for the support!
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  #4  
August 1st, 2011, 08:09 AM
alethia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 18,623
^^ I agree. I really had a lot of worries with my first (DS) but i was ready and I knew i had the drive to be healthy for him...but people assume if you have the fear you're going to act on it.

I think the fear and thoughts can stay for a long time ... it's a long process to have a quite mind, but you can feel the fear and work through it internally without negatively acting. Its frustrating to not have the understanding.

Another thing to put up is any scan pictures you get -- i put those on the fridge
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