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So here I am, I feel like I need to be here right now because I feel a serious relapse coming on. I was so excited about my BFP. I was eating great, I even toned down my exercise so I wouldn't over do it like I normally do. Well today at 11 weeks I had some brown spotting. Went to the hospital and waited an hour to see a nurse. We finally were taken back and they were soooo very disorganized. The nurse could not find the heartbeat. I was supposed to be 11 weeks along and I don't have much extra cushion there that would cause her to have issues finding it. So we were sent to have an ultrasound. The tech told us she did not see a baby. I knew this was all wrong. I know the exact date that we conceived this baby. So now I'm waiting it out. I don't want the D&C and I am very hesitant about taking the pill they want me to take.
So I'm freaking out.
1.) my waist has definitely expanded and I'm suddenly feeling disgusting since I'm not "allowed" to be fat anymore because I'm technically no longer pregnant.
2.) I gained a couple pounds because I was forcing myself to eat for the baby. I'm already planning how many meals I can skip to get them off.
3.) My gym time has suffered because I didn't want to over do it now I'm obsessing about getting back into the gym full force
4.) I am SAD and I suck at expressing my emotions. I will inevitably internalize everything that I am feeling right now and take it out on myself. I will blame myself for this even though I know these things happen.
I'm so so so sorry. I had a loss like that too - where i had tissue that was releasing HCG but never grew into a baby, but to my body i was preggo ... it's so hard. I'm so sorry. You can make it through this. Also, if you're thinking about wanting to try again, it is easier to get preggo the next round after a loss.... after my last loss before my DD i didn't even have a normal period before i got preggo again - focusing on trying again really helped me through it. I did have to have a D&C. Hopefully you're body will move things forward on its own. It's still a loss and i'm so sorry. You CAN get through this - and try to stay healthy - keep healthy so you can try again!
1. the weight you gained was healthy weight and is helping you prepare for another pregnancy
2. It's normal for your waist to expand when your uterus is - even women who don't really gain weight during pregnancy still grow because their uterus is
3. If you start hitting the gym like crazy and skipping meals again, you're only going to be hurting yourself physically and hurting future pregnancy chances
4. if you feel like you need to loose the weight you gained - you can still do it in a healthy way - sure go back to the gym , work out - since it's hard for you to express your saddness it maybe a great way to get it out - but keep on track with your food.
Thank You! I know I just have to take it one day at a time. There are just so many emotions flooding my head right now. I knew I could safely vent in here about my fears. Deep down I know that I need to stay healthy so it's easier for us to conceive again. I was so proud of myself for doing so well and accepting the fact that I was getting bigger for baby. We'll get through it. DH has been here every step of the way and I know he will keep me stong. We'll keep each other strong.
I'm soooo glad you're DH is being supportive - and you did an AMAZING job getting on-track for your little angel. You should be so proud of yourself! You will get through this and like you said - a day at a time - for me sometimes it's an hour at a time. It's hard to be in recovery, and it's even harder to have such a painful loss. You're doing great!