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A litle bit of background. I've had problems on and off since middle school. My Dad is the kind that really focuses on looks-my Mom for the longest time was a size 0. She is now a size 2 or 4 and has had 7 children and is in her late 40s. He always makes comments about her size. So I grew up with that going on a lot and even had comments directed at me. Now I am married and have 4 kids. I am 5" almost 2" but my weight is not where it should be. What really freaks me out is that I am not trying to lose weight. I am BFing and I really don't want to have to stop because my son is not a year old yet. I feel really crappy about this. I want to be healthy for myself and my kids-especialy my daughter who is 2, I don't want her growing up feeling pressured to be super thin.
I thought that I was over this problem but every week I check my scale and I keep losing weight. My Mother (and MIL) are constantly making comments about how skinny I am and it drives me nuts. Its like "thanks for reminding me that I am not perfect.
I don't want to talk to my husband about this because it just seems to frustrate him and I know that he will feel guilty for complementing me on how good I look.
I guess I am hoping to find tips on how to deal with it sneaking up on me like this. Has anyone else just realizedthat they are getting smaller and it isn't b/c they are counting every calorie they eat?
I am still having a hard time maintaining a healthy weight. I feel like I eat a lot-and not all of it healthy. This morning I weighed myself and I am 100 lbs. DH would be really upset if he knew. I feel like I have to keep it a secret from him. I am still nursing my now 1 year old-so perhaps if I stop my weight will stop dropping. I don't want to wean him though, I am really enjoying the connection and he shows no interest in stopping.
A few months ago I tried keeping track of my meals and calories to see if I was indeed eating enough and it looked like I wasn't making it to the 2,500 I am supposed to eat every day. I felt like if I ate anymore it was going to make me sick!! I dont' eat that great of a breakfast-usually yogurt, cereal or a protein bar with my coffee. I snack and such but it is not helping. I feel pretty good about how I look. Although I still dislike my stomach-and I feel that if I am not 100% happy with my body now at 100 lbs...I have a real problem. For a while I thought I was making it up in my head-that I really didn't have an issue and that I can gain weight any time I want. It hasn't happened yet. My mom, grandmother and MIL constantly ask me if I eat, try to shove vitamins down my throat (figuratively of course) and I just want to smack them.
I wasn't even going to weigh myself but I started feeling really tired and dizzy more often...so I thought I should check and i was really shocked and embarrassed when I saw the number. I don't have any friends who know about my problem and I am scared that DH will not help...or that he will try and force me to wean my son. I don't have anyone to talk to IRL about it. I feel like a failure and I worry that I won't be a good example to my daughter. If I can't keep myself healthy and confident in my body and be comfortable in my own skin how can I teach my daughter to do those things? Sorry for the long post, I am having a really tough time with this right now.