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Well, I'm finally starting to put on some weight and show a bit. I've gained 7 pounds so far and it's killing me. In my early teens I struggled a great deal with anorexia and didn't even get my first period until I was about 17 years old. The journey to recovery was long and hard and although I am able to live happily without a (heavy) burden of an eating disorder anymore, I still feel as though recovery is a life long journey. I have good days and bad days but mostly good. I have been a healthy weight for quite a while (6 years now) but I realized that I have built a comfortable life and mind frame around that weight. Now that I'm gaining weight, it's shaking up my whole world and it makes me realize that maybe I'm not as recovered as I once felt. One girl at college told me I'm starting to look "meatier" (she knows I'm pregnant and she wasn't being mean). But it just makes me feel bad for myself ya know? I'm eating more and that makes me feel bad for myself. I don't fit into the same clothes anymore and I pity myself. My S/O was joking around today and just started taking silly snap shots of me on his phone today. Looking at the pictures, I saw my weight gain. I look fuller. And it made me feel bad for myself.
I don't really know why I'm feeling this way. All this pity? Maybe I'm just hormonal and need a good cry. These are emotions that are surfacing that I've never faced before and it's really hard. My S/O took pictures of me today with my "20 week" sticky belly and I kept making him take them over and over. I hated all of them, I looked so huge and I just wanted to cry.
Well, you have to change where you are looking from. Its not just YOU gaining weight. Its another person and all that they require to thrive. 7 lbs is doing awesome for half way! I hate the way my pictures look too, so I just dont do very many. Once its super obvious that its a baby bump not just a bigger tummy, its a little easier for me to accept. I hope you can look at it that way too.
I have a bit of an opposite experience. I was very obese, then had gastric bypass surgery and lost 160lbs. That was about a year before I had #3. When I started gaining weight with him I struggled with that, wondering if it would ever come off, etc. Thankfully it did come right off.
I've found this chart comforting to know it's not just me getting fat, but all that extra stuff you don't necessarily think about really adds up!
Baby: 8 pounds
Placenta: 2-3 pounds
Amniotic fluid: 2-3 pounds
Breast tissue: 2-3 pounds
Blood supply: 4 pounds
Stored fat for delivery and breastfeeding: 5-9 pounds
Larger uterus: 2-5 pounds
Total: 25-35 pounds
So think after delivery 8lbs of baby is out, 2-3lbs placenta is gone, 2-3lbs amniotic fluid is gone, then soon your blood supply and uterus go back to normal...so while things might be mishapen, the number on the scale looks a lot better pretty quickly.
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I don't like people commenting on weight one way or the other. I would definitely be offended if someone made that comment to me. Someone the other day said I looked "big" and I was feeling good before that, and it made me feel bad too. My husband made me feel better after, but it's still hard to feel good after having people comment at all, even when they don't mean anything bad.
Try to tell yourself that this is temporary. It will come off after. For me with my first, the weight came off without trying or doing anything (if you give yourself time). The first part came off fast and the very last for me came off when I stopped nursing. Hang in there and try to tell yourself that it is the baby and whatever you gain will come off. It can be a challenge after. I hope you can enjoy this time despite having some days that are harder than others. Is there anything that your husband or a friend can do to help you feel better? Do you have anyone you can talk to? Sometimes getting it out can help or talking to someone that can relate. For me, even going on a walk can help sometimes or if someone tells you that you are beautiful. Hugs to you! (and yes, hormones definitely make things worse! And no sleep if that is harder now too)
Oh hun, I know what you mean. While mine was a fairly short stint, I also had a bout of anorexia in high school after a boy made a comment about my weight (not even someone I liked, just an acquaintance!). I lost 35 pounds and have pretty much kept it off since then. I haven't gone over 110 or so since halfway through high school (though I believe that is partly due to lingering health problems from even that short time starving myself). Like you, I've kind of built my mind frame around being that weight.
Putting on weight now, even knowing that it is the healthy thing to do, is MUCH harder than I thought it would be. I thought my body image was healed, and that I was okay with myself. Guess I wasn't as healed I thought I was! You just get stuck on wondering if the weight will "really" come off, and feeling really, well, big. Personally, talking with my husband has been an enormous help.
I get it. Big hugs and prayers for your mental health.
I know body changes like this can be shocking, even for someone who hasn't struggled with body image. The most comfort I can find in the changes is that it has a purpose...you're growing a life You're not just gaining weight because of bad habits!
You've also gained a healthy amount too, your not over-doing it, and you are doing a great job at maintaining a healthy weight gain during your pregnancy...that should make you feel great! Your being a good mama already
We are here for you to vent/rant anytime you want! While I dont think that obsessing over your weight is good at any point in your life - it is particularly futile during pregnancy. If there is anyway to just "press pause" on those feelings until, maybe.....December 2014....you would be giving yourself such a gift of acceptance? Give yourself time to have a healthy baby and to shed the water weight ect after baby is born (breastfeeding will help)? I know that is so much easier said then done, but I guess what I am saying is that this is temporary. Hang in there, be strong, eat healthy, and come over here to b!tch anytime you need! (BTW - I have gained about 10 lbs so far.....all in my face as my Mom likes to tell me! Grrrr........)
I love that chart - I've looked at it many times in one of my pregnancy books lol
I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with this. Weight gain is difficult for us all, especially during this awkward phase where we can't really see an actual BABY belly yet. I know I'm having an incredibly difficult time with it as well. I have also gained right around 8lbs, but the way it is sitting on me is not flattering at all.
If I didn't have to get up and go to work every day, I swear I would sit around in my PJs all day long and not even bother with hair and makeup. I don't ever really feel sexy or attractive these days, and it sucks.
But I keep storing up all those negative feelings as motivation to really kick ***** after Baby Girl is born and get into the best shape of my life. I've seen some of my friends do it, and we can do it too.
Thank you everyone for the reassurance and kind words. I guess I just have a fear that the weight is permanent and will never come off which is a fear I had in my darkest anorexic days. So strange to experience the same feelings I worked so hard to get over almost 9 years later now. It is much different this time though. I am stronger and have way more self esteem than I did when I was 14. I need to keep reminding myself of that. And yes everyone is right, there is an amazing purpose is all this weight...a new life! And thank you for that chart Morgan, made me feel a million times better
i have always been a thin girl, but i have always also been super conscious of my weight because i watched my mother struggle with hers my whole life. so when the pregnancy weight came with my first pregnancy, i didnt know how to handle it.
one day, when i was maybe four months along, i was getting into the car, and i heard a literal popping noise. i got out and saw that, yeah, my fat pregnant butt popped a tire. are you kidding me!?!
i was inconsolable. ...of course, we found out that there was a screw in the tire which is what actually popped it, but that did not matter at all. timing is everything, and that thing popped when butt touched seat.
pregnant ladies have bad days! i eventually accepted that this specific weight gain *had to happen*, and decided to take a page from ru paul: "got a big butt? throw glitter on it!"
so i did!
i started spending more time styling my hair and putting on makeup... doing my nails... wearing high heels with maternity clothes! just simple things to make myself feel pretty and awesome. i even went to a party at seven months pregnant where i wore a crazy, short, blue sequined dress over my giant bump, and i felt like a fabulous blue disco ball.
heres the thing... as big as i got (and i gained over 50lbs!)- the weight went away. all of it! pretty quickly, too. (yay breastfeeding!)
and? i had an awesome little dude as an adorable trophy to keep forever, for enduring the gross-ness. ...hes totally worth it.
I hope all this has reassured you. Past history does complicate things, it's hard enough to deal with the changes without what you've previously been through. I had some minor issues in HS as well, but nothing too too serious.
In my experience, I was in better shape after my children... kidding you not. I ate better.. was a lot more active.. I felt great.. but it was a process to get there. Some women do have more permanent changes.. some don't.. try and understand a lot decides that. Gaining on the lower end.. good genetics.. etc will probably ensure you look the same or better after this pregnancy. Try and stay positive even though easier said than done sometimes.. keep venting/talking on here.. everyone here is very supportive and talking through it might be really helpful. Day to day focus on other things.. getting ready for baby.. nesting.. pampering yourself.. be kind to yourself.. all possible to do after they are here.. but a little more challenging
Lots of hugs.. it's tough not to really have control of our bodies right now.