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Forum: Due Date Club of September 2014

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  • 1 Post By sek3982
  • 1 Post By KeliRevels

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  #1  
August 15th, 2014, 08:51 PM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Small town, rural Wisconsin
Posts: 540
Okay, so DF and I REALLY need to learn to say no. In fact, we have been. First of all, I am ALL about helping people but there is a difference between helping and being taken advantage of. DF's sister is CONSTANTLY pawning her 8 year old and 3 year old off on us. And I really don't mind watching them but when she puts us in situations where we couldn't say no even if we wanted to, I get frustrated.

What happens is... she either sends the kids to the door so we have to tell THEM no and essentially reject them (***?!) or she will text and call DF and when he doesn't respond or straight up says no, she texts/calls ME. So *I* get put in the middle.

So today, she decides to go 4 away to Chicago for some sketchy reasons with her baby daddy that I'm not even going to speculate about on here. She texted me at 10:30 last night, asking if her 8 year old could 'come hang out' for a little bit so he wasn't... wait for it.... HOME ALONE ALL DAY. And then if she wasn't back at 5, the 3 year old would have to be picked up from daycare. I talked with DF and he said he'd rather not (completely understandable, today was his last day of vacation before he starts his new job) so we didn't respond, because she hasn't been taking no for an answer. So she gets a hold of Nick later in the day today and says that the 8 year old is indeed home alone and if we weren't going to watch them, could we at least pick the 3 year old up from daycare and take him to the house to just chill with the 8 year old until they get back. (Mind you, it is now 11pm and they still aren't back. I'm seriously mind-boinked right now that this was even an option.)

SO! Instead of our blockbuster, in-home date-night for DF's last day of vacation, we have the boys. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids, but the situation makes it less than desirable at the moment. ALSOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not to pull this card frequently, but this very well may have been our last night that he has off work without a newborn. And she is very well aware of that. RUDE!

To make matters even more fun, the neighbor who consistently takes TOTAL advantage of DF because he KNOWS DF has a hard time saying no.... decided that he is divorcing his wife who is lying to him (long story, but through a friend of mine, we also got dragged into that so it is really awkward to be involved at all because we know both sides of the story and don't really want to intervene because it is M-E-S-S-Y....) and he wants to go figure out what is going on so he brought his 4 year old daughter over here, too AND THEN con DF into driving him 15 miles away because he has a doughnut tire on his car. I am seriously baffled.


What an annoying, frustrating, disappointing day. I feel terrible for DF because he is keeping it together really well and I am TRYING but seriously, I'm outraged at the willingness of the people we have around us to take such advantage of us. I could write lists and lists of why I'm reacting so dramatically over these two occurances, but this is already long enough.

Did I mention all three kids are spending the night?

All I wanted was a chill, relaxing, romantic night that is very much needed and deserved with my fiance' before we are officially parents and before he goes back to working 12 hour shifts... why was that too much to ask?
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Last edited by KeliRevels; August 15th, 2014 at 09:04 PM.
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  #2  
August 15th, 2014, 10:37 PM
bandriessen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Um... what the hell is wrong with his sister? That is neglectful. Leaving an 8 year old alone all day then expecting them to watch a 3 year old? WOW!!!!!
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  #3  
August 15th, 2014, 11:17 PM
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I would call social services. That is child neglect. She should not be a parent.
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  #4  
August 16th, 2014, 01:17 AM
Caerus's Avatar Due in Sept 2014
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Ugh. Just UGH. I hate that some rude people are perfectly happy to walk all over and take advantage of people who are willing to be helpful. So frustrating!

Also, the thing with the 8 year old at home alone watching a much younger sibling. A bit mind-blowing. Yikes.
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  #5  
August 16th, 2014, 06:56 AM
_Jewlz_'s Avatar Veteran
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Location: Seattle,WA
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Yuck! This sucks in SOOO many ways. I get that it's family and all but really, if you hadn't picked up the kid from daycare she'd have been FORCED to come home or the daycare would have eventually called CPS And she probably would have had a huge late fee. Maybe you should let it halls that say next time. At least then it's not on you... I could see maybe letting this happen in an emergency situation or once in a blue moon but it sounds like something she's made a habit of & this mama could really use a reality check
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  #6  
August 16th, 2014, 07:34 AM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is just beyond awful and yes you should be making a call to DHS.
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  #7  
August 16th, 2014, 08:02 AM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
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I would be more concerned about that part of it if it wasn't done solely because she KNEW that it would force us to say yes. She literally knew specifically that we were just planning on renting movies and vegging all day and normal, decent people would never let something like that happen. That is what is so frustrating about it (and the general fact that the 8 year old was left home alone until 5pm regardless).

So we were up until 2:30 with the daughter of the couple next door to us, then again at 6am because he decided to come and belligerently bang on our door drunk (fully aware that there were two other kids asleep in our living room) successfully waking everyone up... and then the 3 year old was awake wearing tracks in the floor (above an elderly lady who lives below us) and torturing my poor kitties at 8am.... on DF's last morning to 'sleep in.' I'm a crabby woman today.

I feel like I have an advert that is just attached to me at all times. "Do you NOT feel like taking care of your kids?! Do you NOT have money to pay for child care? Do you not want to have a curfew when you act like a child yourself?! I'm the girl you need to talk to !!!"
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  #8  
August 16th, 2014, 08:53 AM
FlyingFlower's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Whaaaaaaaat? That is just beyond infuriating! What would her plan have been if you said you couldn't pick up the 3 year old? Um, hello, you could actually be in labor at this point and would have had to say no! I get family dynamics are weird and not necessarily calling child services yet. It seems like her plan was to force you to watch them so she knew in a weird way they'd be taken care of. But from what I understand, with a lot of daycares if a child isn't picked up after a certain amount of time, CPS does get called. I remember being left alone at 8 but never with my 3 year old brother. Also I think I wasn't left alone for a whole day (though not night) til I was 9 or 10.

The neighbor thing is really messed up, too. What are people thinking? The only thing I can think of is that divorce does really weird things to people right when they're in the middle of it. I know a few guys through work who basically just kind of went a bit nuts in a non dangerous way during their divorces. It kind of was like that situation was all they could think about and they couldn't focus on other things, like not pawning off their kids to other people. I'm not saying it's not any less aggravating to you, but at least maybe that situation won't be a regular thing as time goes on.
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  #9  
August 16th, 2014, 09:17 AM
lemieuxcrew's Avatar September DDC Rocks
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What???!!!!!!!
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  #10  
August 16th, 2014, 10:44 AM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingFlower View Post
It seems like her plan was to force you to watch them so she knew in a weird way they'd be taken care of. But from what I understand, with a lot of daycares if a child isn't picked up after a certain amount of time, CPS does get called.
The neighbor thing is really messed up, too. What are people thinking? The only thing I can think of is that divorce does really weird things to people right when they're in the middle of it. I know a few guys through work who basically just kind of went a bit nuts in a non dangerous way during their divorces. It kind of was like that situation was all they could think about and they couldn't focus on other things, like not pawning off their kids to other people. I'm not saying it's not any less aggravating to you, but at least maybe that situation won't be a regular thing as time goes on.

We live in a REALLY small town (I'll attach a funny picture just to lighten the mood) so the whole family knows the daycare provider (not even positive she is certified) so DF's sister is well aware that they wouldn't ever call CPS. They may refuse to watch her child anymore after enough times, but they'd never turn her in. She loves her kids the best she knows how - she's just wrapped up in herself right now, which is exactly what happens in divorce or similar situations, like you mentioned.


I know first hand how easy it can be to get caught up worrying about how things are affecting YOU and how YOUR emotions are unstable without even realizing that you're affecting your kids (and your neighbors/family/friends/etc). I understand that, and there is grace there, but it doesn't make it any easier to 1) WATCH them go through that and drag everyone along with them or 2) clean up their messes and stave off bitterness.


It's done and over with and I'm not angry anymore. A little bitter still and a little heart-sore about the kids and what their parents are dealing with, too. And a little frustrated because I know this won't be the last time. I wonder sometimes how I get myself into these situations (and DF is the SAME way). Like, do I seem THAT willing, or do people really say no on a regular basis? How the hell do I change that about myself? lol
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  #11  
August 16th, 2014, 10:54 AM
KeliRevels's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Small town, rural Wisconsin
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I took this yesterday. By 'city,' they mean area of less than 1400 people (still 3x bigger than my hometown) and by 'horses' they are referring to Amish buggies... <3


Speaking of Amish.. this is ADORABLE! I took this a couple weeks ago.



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  #12  
August 16th, 2014, 12:12 PM
Maddy6912's Avatar Super Mommy
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I would of called CPS too! Oh my gosh I feel sorry you have to go through this!
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