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So my husband's cousin just found out that we are expecting (we made the announcement about a week ago) and started spam texting him about how excited she was. Also, one of the first things she said was 'when is she gonna be 30 weeks? I am so excited to throw her shower! I am a boss at planning showers!'
Weeeell, first of all, why would she assume she would be the one to throw it? I knew my mom wouldn't be up to it, but my MIL had already hinted that she would be happy to do it, and I would be thrilled if she did - she threw my wedding shower and it was great. Even if MIL decided she wasn't up for it, I had a friend say she would be interested as well, so I was pretty much set without her nominating herself :/
I wouldn't mind so much that the cousin in question assumed she would be in charge, except she was in my bridal party - ended up being the Maid of Honour, what a mistake that was - and she dropped the ball on EVERYTHING, so I expect nothing better this time around. She was supposed to throw us a Jack and Jill - never happened. Not only did she fail to plan a proper Bachelorette party (we kind of just aimlessly bar-hopped, not really my kind of thing), but she was super late for that too. Then there was the bridal shower, which I think MIL threw together for me at the last second when she realized that the cousin wasn't going to do it - it was 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding and I had almost no heads up... good thing I happened to have that day off work! She was late for every appointment (including on the day of, she was 45 minutes late showing up to the hair appointment) and didn't even pay for her bridesmaid's dress or anything. Needless to say, I ended up resenting her a bit at the end and really regretting my decisions...
...And now I'm supposed to trust her with another big life event? She didn't even ask me if I had someone planning the shower yet or anything, she kind of just assumed it was something she would get to do. I guess the best I can do is hope that she and my MIL collaborate. That way, at least I know it will get done.
Sorry about the rant; I just don't feel like I have any control over the situation, and I can see 1,000 ways this might end badly. I'm really annoyed she would just make such a big assumption like that. I do feel a bit better just for typing it all out, though.
I know I'm not the first one to have friends/family totally take over something even though they don't have the right... anyone else want to share horror stories?
I'm lurking, . But I would talk to dh about this and explain why you don't want her having a leading role in planned the shower, and then send him to talk to his mom about it. I think issues with dependability might come across better from her son. And you won't have to be in the middle of deciding who plans your shower. Is this something dh would do for you?
I would just ignore it and let your MIL plan it. You can ask your MIL to contact her to see if she would like to contribute since she wanted to plan one, she can be in charge of the games/prizes or something that really isn't difficult for your MIL to throw together at the last minute if she flakes out.
I agree with Steph just ignore her. If she brings it up say oh shoot MIL was really looking forward to doing that and I told her she could. Smile brightly and say maybe on the next baby? Let it go from there and make it like it's no big deal. Just warn MIL that you are doing it.
I wouldnt ignore her but I would sternly say "no thank you, but my MIL has it covered, if you would like to help her, you may ask her if she NEEDS help" And let your MIL know that said cousin wants to help!
__________________ Ryker Benjamin is coming on Oct 10th, 2014!
Thank you for your thoughts, ladies I am going to talk to MIL and confirm that she wants to host (by which I mean beg her to, probably ). Everyone knows that the cousin in question is less than reliable, MIL included, so if I explain why I want her to host it she will probably understand my concerns and go along with it. MIL likes bullcrap about as little as I do, and she saw what the cousin did with my wedding event planning, so I bet she will be on the same page as me.
I thought about letting people throw a separate shower (or heck, throwing my own, LOL) but I'm pretty sure that the guest lists for both would be so similar that it just wouldn't make sense. If she DOES get around to throwing it, people might think that I was making a grab for extra gifts or something.
I'd have your DH talk with his mom and explain the situation. Make sure she is cool with throwing the shower and was planning on it. Once it's all for sure a go, I'd have him text his cousin and say something like "Thanks, that's really nice of you but my mom is going to take the lead and plan a shower for us. It really means a lot to us and to her to do this for her grandchild. Maybe you can get in touch with her and see if she needs any help."