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Forum: Due Date Club of November 2014

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  #21  
April 14th, 2014, 12:20 PM
The Purple Butterfly's Avatar Stacey
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 10,059
ITA, but I was on the defensive, not offensive. It was a jab to those who don't vaccinate. I was only trying to defend the position. I would never have given my opinion, otherwise. Sorry to cause such an uproar.
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Oliver (5) VBA2C, 7lbs 3oz, 19.5" ~ Grayson (10/16/13) 2VBA2C, 9lbs 12oz, 22"
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  #22  
April 14th, 2014, 12:31 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 244
B, probably (with hand sanitizer). I am overly relax. I had my twins out at Walmart at 2 weeks b\c I was going stir crazy. This may be controversial, but I always felt germs were the best part of building an immune system.

ADDED:
I probably should have read the thread before posting. Sorry if I have made anyone feel judged at any time. I try to stay pretty down the road on everything, even if I secretly feel differently. If I do ever make anyone feel alienated, please let me know and I will correct it!
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Last edited by hopin2bpreggermeggers; April 14th, 2014 at 12:38 PM.
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  #23  
April 14th, 2014, 12:33 PM
michelleH's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 840
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Purple Butterfly View Post
ITA, but I was on the defensive, not offensive. It was a jab to those who don't vaccinate. I was only trying to defend the position. I would never have given my opinion, otherwise. Sorry to cause such an uproar.
That about covers it. I don't care if you give every vaccination on the planet, makes zero difference to me. It's the constant and unfounded "blame game" picking at the the people who don't choose to do the same thing that you do that gets under my skin.


You can't say "people who don't vaccinate are the reason for xyz" and then say that you are not being judgemental of other people's decisions. You are directly blaming them for illnesses.
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  #24  
April 14th, 2014, 12:45 PM
MommyOf22014's Avatar Sarah
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: So Cal
Posts: 942
You two are the reason I don't want to be on this board anyone. You two are way too abrasive. It's okay to have your opinions or parent the way you chose. But to "jab" belittle or try to tell me how to parent my kids is wrong. It's rude and very controlling. You don't believe in vaccinating but I do. ENd of story. I don't "jab" belittle you or post link up and single you guys out. This is the SECOND time BOTH of you have done it. I'm tired of seeing posts from both of you telling others what to do an d not to do. For this post and others today. I'm staying off JM for awhile. I can't take the negativity and the controlling and high horse mentality you both have.
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  #25  
April 14th, 2014, 01:50 PM
jellis82's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 764
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Purple Butterfly View Post
ITA, but I was on the defensive, not offensive. It was a jab to those who don't vaccinate. I was only trying to defend the position. I would never have given my opinion, otherwise. Sorry to cause such an uproar.
That's just it. You don't need to defend the position. She has her opinion, you have yours. When you single her out by saying she needs to do research before she makes a comment, you are making it personal, you are attacking her. If you wanted to insert your opinion you should have just written a response to the original post stating your opinion, NOT call someone out specifically.


There's a tactful way to voice your opinion and that is not it.
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  #26  
April 14th, 2014, 10:59 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,046
Please, please, please don't anyone leave- not yet!!! We just started and I know it's been bumpy! And if I have caused bumps, my apologies.
Jamie suggested the blocking feature, and I totally suggest this if it's not the entire forum you have issue with. I was on my way out before I decided not to allow anyone to take this from me. There are many worthwhile ladies here and your best friend could be the woman who posted right before you Don't lose out on a possible good opportunity for you just yet!!
That said I think that the issue is (as said above) of how things are said. I think we have a bunch of wise women on the board. Some are experienced and some are not. Some are seeking advice and some simply are not. I think it'sour own personal responsibility to remember that this is a support forum- not an advice column that only certain people run. And with that, when advice is asked, care should always be taken. People are here because they truly do want support and comradery. Very rarely are any of us looking for a mother type to hand hold or condescend and so we all must be careful on how we deliver advice even when solicited (myself included).
When you see a “wrong” in your eyes that must be corrected,remember your tone. Remember that this is the internet and only typed words. If your concern is truly sincere and not meant to be offensive, that wonderful-but it’s up to YOU to make that come across. Otherwise you are looking at a very bumpy road on message boards and you end up losing out because people will distance themselves from you.

Ultimately if you simply just want your info out there no matter what the cost to others, know that you will lose your audience by being overly aggressive and not having a balance where people first, care and second, respecty ou.
And if this same issue has happened in the past, and you are the one in the middle of it over an over again, it’s time to look at you and your actions. What are you doing wrong? What can you do to change your tone maybe?Where did the convo go wrong? What are you looking for in this forum? How do you want people to view you?


Okay I am done with my unasked for .02! Please don’t leave

Confronting Issues without Being Confrontational: Effective Communication Skills for Any Relationship

PRINCIPLES OF ARGUMENT | ARGUE WITHOUT CREATING ENEMIES OR OFFEND SOMEONE

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Last edited by Lucy S.; April 14th, 2014 at 11:02 PM.
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  #27  
April 15th, 2014, 06:48 AM
michelleH's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 840
Quote:
Originally Posted by jellis82 View Post
When you single her out by saying she needs to do research before she makes a comment, you are making it personal, you are attacking her.
It wasn't an "attack" at all. Someone posted information that was not factual. Non-factual information is not opinion, it's just incorrect. That's not an attack, that's an attempt to educate.


If I post that I can safely have my baby at 30 weeks, people will likely post articles that inform me, based on fact, that a baby born at 30 weeks has significant risk of health issues; that's not an attack. It is an effort to educate me that the information I have (and hold to be true) is actually not supported by evidence/documentation. And, quite frankly, I hope people DO correct me if and when I post things that are not correct.


The forum community can be helpful and supportive without being a bunch of nodding heads. We can't learn and grow if we never see anyone else's opinions or views. I've had many opinions change over the years after people have presented opposing viewpoints and I've looked into what they give as "supporting documentation" and then investigated further on my own.


I post here to share and learn. I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I say, and every dissenting opinion is not an attack. But placing blame on others is an attack, it's more passive aggressive than anything, but that doesn't make it less of one.
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  #28  
April 15th, 2014, 07:04 AM
KellJoO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,878
We are all different. We all have our own opinions. Thats what makes us, US!

Sharing information, thoughts, ideas, and opinions is a wonderful thing. When your opinion becomes an argument, its time to step down.


Nobody here needs to agree with ANYONE on ANYTHING....and its not a fight to be won.





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  #29  
April 15th, 2014, 07:12 AM
QuinnBaby's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 327
Why can't we be friends? lol I hope that I haven't caused any issues since being here. I love this board and the support that comes from it. Let's not allow a little bump to ruin it....
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  #30  
April 15th, 2014, 07:21 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuinnBaby View Post
Let's not allow a little bump to ruin it....
No pun intended!!!
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  #31  
April 15th, 2014, 07:48 AM
Jennyt13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,584
I've been around the boards for a while. This argument will always happen, along with c-secitons verses natural, along with circumcision - and there will always be people trying to push their opinions, or facts on other people. I'm not sure how many people are in this DDC - but there are so many different personalities here. I do beleive saying "educate yourself before talking" - is a jab, and you just have to think about how you say it. How about something like "I understand where your coming from, but have you thought of it this way - here is a supporting article" You catch a lot more flies with honey (not sure why anyone wants to catch flies though - ick!

I love my January 2011 DDC, and I still keep in touch with so many of the ladies there. This is a great way to get support. If your not happy with some of the ladies here - just don't reply to them, and move on. They aren't going to change you - and you aren't going to change them. Don't leave!
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4/10/13 - FET - 2 embies transferred as planned! 1 boy 1 girl!
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  #32  
April 15th, 2014, 08:40 AM
kellyowens's Avatar forever learning
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: south central MI
Posts: 504
Is it too late to answer the OP??

Tania, I tend to be hyper cautious having had a newborn that contracted a life-threatening case of pertussis and was hospitalized by 7wks (spent 11 days on life-support and 16 days total in the picu as well as 6 full months of weekly dr visits and breathing treatments...she coughed constantly for 2yrs and is now 14yrs with asthma due to constricted airways from scar tissue ). I also have two nieces who were hospitalized with RSV by 3wks. Both of these diseases seem like a common cold at first and RSV may never progress beyond mild symptoms in adults but can have severe consequences for newborns (all 3 babies were being bf by healthy mommas and had no health concerns).


It may sound unkind, but I would ask the family to wait until they are all well. If I'm just one of many people at a gathering then I wouldn't have any expectations for others. I would take all the precautions by either not attending at all or putting baby in my moby with arms tucked in and ask people to please not touch and keep their distance .


People do get upset, but it's my job to protect my baby. Even a mild cold in a LO is miserable since their only source of comfort and mode of eating is to suck which is difficult when they can't breathe through their nose.


I certainly wouldn't judge any other mom for her choices though...if a mom says it's fine, then it is . My sil has never had any stipulations at all...anyone and everyone is welcome to hold the baby even little children. She doesn't require hand-washing or sanitizer and her babies have never had more than a mild cold, so everyone has to do what they feel is right.
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  #33  
April 15th, 2014, 11:15 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyowens View Post
Is it too late to answer the OP??

Tania, I tend to be hyper cautious having had a newborn that contracted a life-threatening case of pertussis and was hospitalized by 7wks (spent 11 days on life-support and 16 days total in the picu as well as 6 full months of weekly dr visits and breathing treatments...she coughed constantly for 2yrs and is now 14yrs with asthma due to constricted airways from scar tissue ). I also have two nieces who were hospitalized with RSV by 3wks. Both of these diseases seem like a common cold at first and RSV may never progress beyond mild symptoms in adults but can have severe consequences for newborns (all 3 babies were being bf by healthy mommas and had no health concerns).
My DS#1 caught RSV at 3m and was on breathing treatments every 4 hours day and night for a full month. He was also on an inhaled steroid every 8hrs day and night. He is now 5yo and still has asthma like symptoms but the pedi is hopeful that his lungs will continue to recover as he grows.

My DS#2 had a planned surgery at 12w and could NOT be vax before it or for a month after b/c the surgeon said his body needed to focus on healing and his immune system would be weak and have a hard time with a vax. He was born in Oct and had surgery in Jan. A very scary time of the year when a lot of people are sick. We were also in social isolation a month before and a month after surgery. I couldn't even take him to the grocery store. It was a very tense time for our family (He had a 2nd surgery at 18m and we had to go through this all over again. He was not fully vax until almost 3yo b/c we had to play so much catch up. We delay vax anyways but not by that much!)

All that being said if someone is not well I have no problem telling their family not to visit until they have recovered. But I am very grateful I have not had to do that b/c most people in our lives our thoughtful enough not to visit when ill.

I also ask that all visitors wash hands and not touch babys face or hands.
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  #34  
April 16th, 2014, 10:33 AM
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I think we all get so testy about it because our babies are so important to us. We are all just motivated to do the very best for our babies.
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