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Forum: 2013 Playroom

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  #21  
July 16th, 2012, 06:40 PM
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Don't worry about coming here to gripe! Believe me, after almost 3 years of journaling, I have shared my fair share of gripes!!!! This is YOUR journal, talk about what you want...baby related, boy related, or work related!

I am very happy to hear you have a little in your day when ex did the dishes!

I am NOT happy to hear of your work situation. One of the main reasons I left corporate america after over 15 years doing a job I *loved* (like you, loved the jobs, often disliked a company or people), was mostly because of the politics involved. Granted, politics are everywhere (even with my volunteer work), but things just got really, really bad where I was. Very unfortunate.

I hope that either your situation improves (will someone see the light of day with all your policy crap??) or that perhaps you even find a job you like better? (I know, easier said than done, esp with a bambino on the way). Either way, I hope you can sort it out in the way that is right-est for you!

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05.24.2011



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  #22  
July 20th, 2012, 11:53 AM
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Well I survived the week, but next week is looking worse. I am sooooo exhausted today. I have no idea how I made it through so many visits this week. Actually I do. I love my patients and time spent with them is great. I have been pretty much useless once i get home however... I set up camp in bed and pretty much stay here until its time for bed.

But it's friday, and I can relax once I get this laundry done. Which is good, since I have to be up at 4:45 am tomorrow, lol. But I am glad to be doing it!! It's a car show weekend here, and Ive been attending with my father since I was 6. We get up early and get into the fair grounds, and set up for the day. We get to spend the day talking to other car enthusiasts, answering questions about his muscle car, and eating a bunch of crap food. ( I am SOOOOOOO excited for a pronto pup and cheese curds!!!! Like seriously, I had a dream about it last night).

It's a long day, but I look forward to it every year. It's our special day together, our tradition.

I am anticipating having a very lethargic sunday after this work week and tomorrow's festivities, hence the laundry and house hold things getting down today. I want to be able to just relax my sunday away!!
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  #23  
July 20th, 2012, 12:10 PM
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Glad you made it through the week with the help of the patients you love! Have a super fun time at the car show this weekend! And most of all, enjoy your relaxing Sunday! xx
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05.24.2011



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  #24  
July 22nd, 2012, 01:20 PM
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I'm glad your ex is being nicer. Is he moving out any time soon or are things on hold? Are you finding out the gender soon?
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  #25  
July 22nd, 2012, 03:53 PM
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He doesnt want to leave, so I am going to be the one who leaves... So once we find a house, I'll be gone.

I am hoping to find the gender out in a few weeks, the u/s appointment will be made at my next Dr appointment on the 2nd.


I am so tired today, I honestly am questioning if I will be able to make it through the next week, if I dont get some sort of help with my visits, I really doubt it. I can't keep this pace up and find it hilarious that in healthcare, I get no sympathy. They know I am moderate risk as well, and dont care. It's like Im just a body... I just need to do what I need to do and they don't care.

I slept 13 hours last night, I fell asleep during the big bang theory and slept through the entire night... Felt pretty good Im hoping that helps with this fatigue!!

Oh and I got up yesterday and had morning sickness!!! Ugh!!! Thought that was over!!!
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  #26  
July 23rd, 2012, 05:41 PM
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Ugh, the return of m/s! I know that's happened to a few ladies. I didn't even start mine until 10 weeks!
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  #27  
July 24th, 2012, 05:59 PM
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I hope your m/s went away again!

I also hope you land the home of your dreams and perhaps once you start showing more you'll get a bit more sympathy on the job?

I, too, fall asleep so quickly during watching episodes. I only can make it thru one and once my husband starts a 2nd (netflix) my eyelids get so UNBELIEVABLE heavy!
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  #28  
July 26th, 2012, 04:32 PM
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I could really strangle my mother some days....

While in the ER tuesday the doctor did an ultrasound to check the fluid around the baby... we were able to see that squiggle looks very much like a boy, but we are not 100%.

Of course my mother was there, and immedietly called my dad and sister, and I asked her to keep her mouth shut with everyone else until my big ultrasound on the 20th.

She had to go calling everybody, saying it was a secret and she knew what it was and she wasn't telling.... What is she FIVE????? Who does that?

Well now my 4 year old nephew knows, and is now telling random strangers I am having a boy. He will of course encounter family members in the next 3 weeks...

So now my mom texts me telling me I have to do some gender reveal thing tomorrow night for my family.... Ummmm, we don't even know its for sure a boy!! (I saw it, and Im like 99.999% sure.... but I still want confirmation from someone who does this for a living!!!!!)

I am soooo mad. I am literally at the point of tears as I write this!!! I feel like they feel entitled to this pregnancy and can call these shots... They are just taking over everything and of course when I protest I am a brat, or a *****.

I am sick of feeling bad for wanting my pregnancy go MY way. I mean seriously, I am only 17 weeks... this is not time to do a gender reveal....

I KNEW I should have had the doctor just write it down, I knew my friggin mother would do this... I am so sick of feeling this way. I am danged if I do, danged if I dont.

I tried explaining that with the situation I am in, I need to be more connected and all that.... I was met with, for all intensive purposes, "get over it" kinda attitude.

I feel more alone in this now then I have in the past weeks.... The ex is having a hard time dealing with me leaving soon, Tom... god he is driving nuts. (Whole other rant, trust me) and of course my lovely mother and family. No one gives a crap about where I am in all this.

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  #29  
July 26th, 2012, 06:11 PM
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I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this family drama right now. I miss having my family nearby, but when I hear about things like this, I know that my family could be the same, so for these reasons, I'm glad I'm at a distance.

I hope everything settles down for you soon, hun. x
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  #30  
July 31st, 2012, 05:26 PM
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I dont have it in me to write a long post... but I am just so angry, I have to vent.

I was alerted to an email the other night, and I saw it was from Tom, but it was an unfamiliar email address.....

this MORON accidentally forwarded an email to me that he'd written to someone he'd met online.....

He and this person had been emailing back and forth for a few hours, they had both said they weren't trying to meet in real life, but wanted to chat... He'd said I was pregnant and not giving him any (SERIOUSLY??? I was CONTRACTING last week and ended up in the ER... Sorry Im not giving it enough for you!!!!) and so you can guess what kind of chatting was going on...

Anyhow, I texted him, and of course we got in a huge fight, and he tried so hard to turn everything around me... he was deflecting and lying like a 2 year old who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I refuse to talk to him now. He keeps saying he didnt "actually cheat."... and won't talk like an adult, and until he can, I'm done talking to him.


It really sucks because I have 2 Dr's appointments this week (Regular OB and my gestational hematologist) and I will be going alone.... I suppose it's something I should get used to right?

*sigh*
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  #31  
July 31st, 2012, 05:34 PM
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I'm a little speechless just because it makes me SO ANGRY!. How dare he try to blame you! Shame shame shame is all I can say.
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  #32  
July 31st, 2012, 08:20 PM
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Wow. I am so sorry to hear he would act like that. I'm so glad for you that he was a moron and accidentally sent you that message, but now what do you do... I know I would lose all trust in him for going behind your back like that... maybe he didn't cheat, but it sounds like he had every intention to. That sounds like such a terrible day.
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  #33  
July 31st, 2012, 08:42 PM
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In a way, it's almost worse than physically cheating. He obviously felt some emotional void and just decided to go elsewhere to fulfill it...
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  #34  
August 1st, 2012, 09:25 AM
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UGH. I read this last night on my phone, but I was also rendered speechless.

I still am. I AM FUMING for you. I'm really sorry hon. xx
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  #35  
August 3rd, 2012, 08:44 PM
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So I had my OB appointment yesterday and my hematology appointment today. Turns out I have a atrial septal defect that was actually found in December when I had a T.I.A and the hospital neglected to actually tell me!! So I now have to take baby aspirin daily in addition to two new meds I was prescribed yesterday. I will need an esophageal echocardiogram after the baby comes to get a good look at the defect and see if there will be surgery needed. There is nothing we can do now, besides the aspirin and ultrasounds to check for blood clots.

We think this defect is causing the headaches I've been stricken with the last few weeks. We are unsure if it is directly linked to my shortness of breath, but it certainly could be.

So, at least we know what it is, and have a game plan. We're still unsure how all this will affect the pregnancy as we go on, but we'll see as we go.


Im sitting here tonight with my kitties, trying hard not to think about tomorrow morning... I still cant believe I am losing both boys in like 12 hours. I got them the month I moved out of my parents house. They have been with me my entire "adult" life... I cant even wrap my head around not having them in my life.

I know that Ollie is suffering with his tumors, and that Ollie is declining quickly, and it IS time... It's just so hard. I imagined they'd be with me for at least a few more years.... I am going to miss them soooo much.

Tomorrow is going to SUCK.

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  #36  
August 5th, 2012, 01:21 PM
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Oh hun, sounds like you've had a run for your money lately. If I were you I would kick Tom to the curb. If he's doing that crap now........ what about when you have a newborn? It might be easier on you to have NO man in your life!

Also, what's up with your kitties?
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  #37  
August 5th, 2012, 03:08 PM
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Oh Adie, I know. I am so sick of both men. I think because I have always been so independent my whole life, I would prefer to be alone.

Tom keeps begging me to understand it was a mistake, and he understands that emotional cheating is just as bad as physically cheating... but I can't seem to get him to understand I cant just call it a mistake and "work past it". He knows I was in a crappy abusive marriage where I was repeatedly lied to and cheated on, and I would hope he would understand why I have NO tolerance for this kind of crap.

and the ex? I am so pissed. I had to put my 11 year old cats to sleep yesterday. It was an insanely difficult day for me, and I told him I wanted to come home and clean the house (Ollie had cancer and there was puke under the chairs, Opie had been losing chunks of hair, so it was EVERYWHERE) to distract myself and really wanted his help as my belly has been sore and I havent felt well since my initial hospital visit 2 weeks ago, and I honestly wanted help (usually I am too proud, and just do things myself and never ask for help, but I NEEDED it yesterday.)

I am sure you can already gather he didn't help me. I came home from watching my 2 babies die, and he was ASLEEP. This was 2 in the afternoon mind you. I asked him, "are you going to help me?", he muttered something that sounded like a yeah, so I went to start on the cleaning. At 4 I went in, and he looked me and just rolled over. AT 6 I came in (at this point I was done cleaning after 4 hours) and he was STILL asleep, so I slammed the gosh darn door, and walked away.

he got up, went into the office and stayed there for hours. I didnt yell, I didnt bother. I didnt want to hear his excuses. (Apparently HIS stomach hurt, Um Hi, sickly lady here growing a baby and I still ****** cleaned!!!!) so I just left and drove to clear my head.

He's gone today, which is nice. Its just me and Elvis. Elvis (the remaining cat) is very sad and clingy today. He misses his pals. I think thats hardest for me, because I cant explain to him that his buddies were old, and sick, and it was time... he just knows they're gone. He looks for Opie for long periods of time... he clings to me and doesnt want to leave me.... I feel awful for him.

It's so funny, I have waited my whole life for this baby. This pregnancy is a miracle, it shouldnt have happened... and the rest of my life turned to crap. I try not to let it all get to me, I try to focus on him, and know he is all I need, and that all this other crap does not matter. I will gladly be sick, I will put up with whatever I have to during this pregnancy to make sure he's safe, and I get him out healthy.... And as far as my potential co-parents, they both need to get their act together...

I'm definitely overwhelmed these days...
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  #38  
August 7th, 2012, 12:15 PM
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The little guy is kicking like mad today... I'm bonding more and more by the day, but still feel somewhat disconnected from this pregnancy. I feel bad because I know it is because of all the other stress I have going on in my life. It's everywhere. I try not to let it all get to me at once, for the baby's sake. He doesn't need that.

Work. Work is crap. They expect me to still keep up a heavy caseload and perform the way I always have, but with the belly and fatigue, I am having time keeping up. I almost feel like they are doing this in hopes of driving me out, so they don't have to feel bad about firing the pregnant chick. But at the same time, I feel like if I can't perform the duties they expect, the new boss will have no issues letting me go. This brings me to the next problem...

Financial stress. I am surviving, but not well. I have had to pay rent in two parts over the month, so far the landlord has been fine with this as I have to pay a hefty late fee every month and it is extra money in his pocket. Well, with missing a week of work and being in and out of the hospital, I am severely behind. The ex is STILL here, and he pays electric and cable (because I said I didnt need cable and didnt have it before he moved in) but that is it. Everything else is on me. My landlord is of course not happy, I am not happy either. I dont like paying anything late, it makes me feel like a failure. He has requested full rent by a certain date, and I have no way to get the money by then, so I think he is just sick of it and is basically forcing me out... which brings me to...

I may be homeless soon. Ok, not homeless, that was a bit dramatic, my parents are practically begging me to move in these days. Tom did what he did (more on that later, if I havent lost you already in my sea of whines) and so that option is gone. I am of course grateful my parents are wanting to help me so much, but as you know, I don't get along terribly well personality wise with my mom. I think I would be ready to kill her inside of a week of being at their house. But I dont have the means to save for first months rent, and a deposit elsewhere.

The ex. We are great friends at the heart of it all, we have been for 13 years. We coexist the way we do, because we do have a good foundation. But he is lazy, he hasnt worked in 2 years, unemployment has run out. He pays electric and cable as I mentioned before, and buys some food now and then. But when I stop and think, I get pissed. He has a spot on the couch, when I cleaned for 4 hours alone saturday I noticed he has a discoloration imprinted on the couch where he sits, and the spot where he lays his head to nap. He also has a dark spot on the floor where his feet sit. (hardwood floors) He has actually "burned" a spot into the livingroom where he sits and does nothing but watch tv and bet on sports. He goes out weekly drinking, and eats out when he is out. But somehow when I ask for money, I am a ***** and he's "broke". When I tell him we're at risk of losing our place, he barely seems bothered. Even worse, he received his renters rebate, so he actually got money back on rent HE NEVER PAID. I tried to bring this up, and he walked away. The right thing to do would be to give me the money (at the very least so we have a place to LIVE) but I know he never would. At the heart of it all he is selfish and as much as he says I matter, I dont. I am being used. I feel like an idiot because I have been conned for the past year and a half.

Tom. Tom is constant stress. The worst part is, he doesn't understand how he stresses me until after the fact. He still wants me to write off what he did as a mistake and start working past it. He doesnt understand why this frustrates me the way it does, and I have finally told him to shut up about it, and I will be the one to bring it up, so I could stop that stress from popping up whenever. And so then last night he tells me his family is stressed and they are pissed at him and it was very hard to hear. I have only met his parents a few times, but they seem like very very sweet people, and they don't deserve this. They dont know me, and they apparently have suspicions about my relationship with Josh (In their defense on that point, I tooooootally get that, it is weird that he is still here even though we arent together, and I understand that they would think something could be up) and a few other "suspicions" about me and my actions have come up. I understand they dont know me, and there is a 90% chance I am carrying their grandchild, and that HAS to be scary for them. But of course, any time someone has the wrong idea about me, I am hurt, and a little offended. I try not to feel that way, because I can see it from their side too... but I am still hurt by it. I also know Greg explains things or recalls situations in weird unflattering ways, and can understand that he probably is partly to blame for their doubts about me.... His sisters are pissed at him because he is stressing out his mom (who has MS by the way) and I feel awful, because I dont want them to associate that with me and the baby. They will likely be a part of my life for a long time to come, and I dont want to start this off on a bad note... So Greg has stopped the house hunt and is looking for an apartment to move into asap, so he can get out of his parents house and stop stressing his mom. His dad is stressed too, he went through a bad divorce that involved children and this is bringing up bad memories for him. I feel so bad. They dont know if they are the grandparents, and if they are, they dont know me, what kind of person I am, or how involved they get to be. That is so not fair to them... So now I have taken on that stress. I know I shouldn't, but I cant help it.

And on top of all that stress ( you didnt think that was IT did you?? Whine-fest 2012 baby!) I miss my two babies like crazy. Life without my kitties is hard. I miss them so much. I see their pictures around the house and randomly cry. Elvis (the remaining cat) keeps searching for them, wont leave my side, grooms me, and cries a lot, and it breaks my heart. And seeing as I may have to be with my parents soon, I cant even find him a new buddy to love (Im grateful my parents would even let me bring him to their house).

My health isnt great, I still feel icky after all the ER visits and new meds, and all the new pains that seem to be popping up (My belly hurts sooooo bad and my sciatic nerve has gone crazy...) and with all the other stress, my mental health is iffy at best.

I have always said, God never gives us more than we can handle, but I wish he didnt trust me so much.. I have waited so long for this little guy, I wish I could be bringing him into a better situation. I want nothing but the best for him, and am scared I cant give him that.

But every day I strap on my big girl panties, and I go on, I tell myself constantly he is all that matters, and that this situation will eventually work itself out, and we will be past all of it someday. I have no other choice. I have to move forward and keep trying to find the positives where I can. Because it is either that or lose my friggin mind.

Thanks for letting me whine. I have no one in my life I can really express all aspects of the situation to, so it feels good to get it all out in one shot.
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  #39  
August 7th, 2012, 03:56 PM
missadie222's Avatar Go Your Own Way mama2b
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HI there lady.

Yes, sounds like it's been a rough time lately. Just to let you know, I am kind of a hippy liberal, so I read about astrology and such. Well, every August-ish (this year it has been more in July- July 15th to August 8th actually) there is thing in the stars called Mercury Retrograde. It makes life hell. It's when a planet appears to be going backwards. It actually happens 3 times a year but I always find the August one is the worst. Let's just say it makes EVERYTHING CRAP FOR EVERYONE.

I too have been having a hard time. Not nearly as bad as you, but one of my cats ate something poisonous and changed personalities, we went to the vet, my roommate's girlfriend being at our house all the time is driving me nuts, I had to start the grossest antibiotics for a minor hoo-hoo infection, etc. etc. etc.

But guess what? It ENDS TOMORROW. Yup, Mercury goes direct tomorrow meaning we can all get on with our lives. Mercury Retrograde means that everything backtracks for a while. Cars break down, pets get sick, people linger when they shouldn't, miscommunications happen, etc. etc. I AM SO HAPPY IT IS OVER TOMORROW.

Also, I really think you should grin and bear it and move in with your parents for a bit. Your ex, though you are friends, sounds like too much of a time-waster for someone like you! You are burdened with his "imprint" in the living room and he is dragging you down. You will be doing him and yourself a great favor by emptying your life of his live-in existence.

Now wait, is "tom" also "greg"? Anyhoo, TOM also needs to be kicked to the curb. I think you could maintain a relationship (FRIENDS ONLY and MAYBE let him creep into your heart if he persists at you with devotion for like A YEAR) with him, but not without a cold shoulder. He needs to know that what he did actually isn't just emotional it IS PHYSICAL. HE PHYSICALLY TYPED OUT MESSAGES to that woman! He did not just think things in his head! He did not just wish things! He communicated with her in a way that is NOT COOL if he supposedly is in love with you!!!

I hope his family realizes that you are doing the very best you can and it is HE (and the other man- your ex) who are making your life harder. You are a hard hard worker. You need to find a man who is as dedicated and responsible and hard working as you. Responsible meaning responsible in being able to maintain a healthy relationship as well as the other meanings of the word.

And I am so so sorry about your kitties. I have been at such a loss while mine has been recovering from eating something poisonous. I have barely been able to think about anything else. But know that in time you and Elvis will heal. Moving into your parents might help Elvis get his mind on the idea that life is taking a new twist. Especially once you can save up to get your own little place. Seriously, by October/November you could have a wonderful little place for you, your cat, and your new darling baby. Cats can sense your emotions too. He wants you to be happy. Moving into a place all your own, with a new feeling in it for the new path of your life, will probably make you very excited. Big pregnant or not!

Oh hang in there girl. I know it's true God only gives you what you can handle. I think God is testing your waters, sadly. He/She KNOWS you have it in you to do the strong thing. Your life with your new baby can be so good. You can do it.


Good luck! Keep us updated on happenings please! Your life is like a soap opera, makes mine look hecka boring!
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  #40  
August 7th, 2012, 05:25 PM
colette20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missadie222 View Post

I had to start the grossest antibiotics for a minor hoo-hoo infection, etc. etc. etc.
!

Me too... I almost threw up every time I took that nasty pill
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