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Becoming a paranoid freak

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By Sawyers_Mommy
  • 1 Post By MammaWannaBe
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December 3rd, 2012, 06:55 AM
Sawyers_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,690
I was lurking on the Nov DDC and seen a lady post about her placenta testing results. In the post she she said her baby had died and there was no known reason. Her siggy said it was born on the 5th of Nov so she was obviously full term or close to it.

I know things like this happen and are actually pretty common, we just never hear about it in our every day lives but being on a world wide website of course your going to see things like this. I feel so badly for her and I feel selfish for making her story about me, even though thats not what I'm doing at all, I do feel like people might think that.

Anyways, reading stuff like that turns me into a paranoid freak! Even though I know he needs to and I want him to bake longer, I want him here NOW! So that way I atleast know he can't get the cord around his neck and I'll know he's safe. You never know when things like that can happen and I'm sure people that it happens to has never thought it could happen to them. I just can't imagine going to term and going in and finding out the baby had passed away. Having a loss at 7wks was hard enough but I CANNOT imagine carrying this LO until I go into labor just to find out he had died a day before or something. My cousins wife was pregnant (this was about 9yrs ago) and 2wks before her due date she went to the dr. cause of her back hurting and found out he had been dead for about two days

Of course him being here isn't any guarantee things won't happen, theres always a risk of SIDS and such but I guess being his mother I feel like if hes out I can prevent them from happening KWIM?

Anyone else get this way?
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December 3rd, 2012, 07:04 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,110
I am totally feeling this way. Especially with the b/p issues from my appt. last week. I'm just thinking about how my b/p was high when I went to the hospital in labor with my daughter and it took meds to bring it down eventually, and how she was less than 5 lbs at full term which means there was some sort of problem with her getting nutrients, and I'm scared it was a placenta issue due to undetected b/p issues and worrying it's going to happen again. Every little thing now is scaring me. I have a headache today, how do I know if it's just a normal headache or related to b/p!? You know? Ugh. Even though he'd be early I'd rather him be here if he's in any danger.

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December 3rd, 2012, 07:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chicago!
Posts: 2,636
Yes I am in exactly the same boat. I read her whole story from the Nov DDC, and coupled with a good friend of mine who lost her baby due to a birthing complication, I am beyond scared about this little one. Not to mention the IUGR and B/P issues I'm having, I want him out TODAY! I know he's going to be small, possibly have issues because of the lack of nutrients from his growth, but we gave him the steroids, let's get him out now. I spend everyday trying to read up positive stories for babies with the issues mine has now, and there are a bunch, but it's still so terrifying. Think the only thing to set me mind at ease now would be to deliver, until then I'm going to be one paranoid freak.

Always remembering our angel babies - 4/2011 (ectopic), 4/2012 (chemical) and
Angel Twins 5/23/14 (at 7 weeks 2 days)

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December 3rd, 2012, 07:37 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 606
I always have fears about this. My SIL had a stillbirth a few years ago at 28 weeks so when it hits so close to home it is hard to not think about it happening. But I try not to worry because I can't change anything so why get stressed out. Although when I go through times with little movement it always crosses my mind.
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December 3rd, 2012, 07:38 AM
michellelb's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: kentucky
Posts: 1,926
I understand this fear completely!!! One of my best friend's sister in law lost her baby the week before he was due and never knew why. It was horrible and I can't imagine going through anything like that.

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December 3rd, 2012, 08:15 AM
MammaWannaBe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 4,018
I read that story in the Nov DDC and it literally had me feeling so sad for her loss and then I felt so guilty for making it about me, same as what you were saying Kelsey. Honestly, I find what helps the most is to not read those stories and to not focus on that because the chances of something going wrong are slim. Seriously those stories send me into a tizzy and it's just not good for someone like me to focus on them. Like Lil' said, I try to read the positive stories as well and remember that while tragedies do happen, it's not the norm and like someone said, there is nothing you can do about it. So, as long as that little one is squirming away, you feel good (well as good as you can feel at this point!) and your OB is taking good care of you and is happy with your progress, I wouldn't worry (although I'm sure once the babies are here there is a liftetime of motherhood worrying ahead for all of us!)
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December 3rd, 2012, 08:36 AM
.Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 6,547
i always have that fear too....I just make sure I always feel him move. my doctor said I should feel him 10 times w/in 12 hours....but I always seem to be poking at him every hour and such just to check on him. lol

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December 3rd, 2012, 08:43 AM
joellejello's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,122
Yes, I have to force myself to think about something else sometimes. 'luckily' my almost-two-year old is constantly into things, so at home it's easy to distract myself.
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December 3rd, 2012, 09:21 AM
kbpeanut's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: north county san diego, ca
Posts: 13,284
I canNOT let myself read about such things. I have been paranoid since the day egg met sperm in the IVF "test tube", and it took its toll on me VERY quickly. Once I hit about 13 weeks, I forced myself to relax and not think about all the "what ifs". Of course, a few not so great test results along the way haven't helped, but I just have to know that fate will step in and do what it needs for our family.
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December 3rd, 2012, 09:23 AM
JennyBaby2013's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,238
I get that way too. I've done it w/each of my pregnancies. My last pregnancy was the hardest when it came to that b/c a woman on my due date board (we were a pretty close group) lost her son at 37 weeks and she had an u/s the week prior and everything looked great. It was a huge shock to everyone and we were all left broken hearted and scared. We raised some money for her and sent her two older daughter prayer bears as well. We all felt so helpless. It was traumatic. She went on to have 2 more healthy beautiful children after she lost him but I'm sure her heart has never been the same.

I fear them in the womb and out. After they are born I pretty much don't sleep the first 4-6 months. I wake up every 10 mins to check breathing. It's scary being a mom. Like another poster said, you can't change anything so like her I try not to worry but it's just my nature. I can't help myself!

I think b/c my very first pregnancy was a loss that it set it up in my head that anything can go wrong at any time. I never had an innocent pregnancy - every little thing sends my mind into a "what if" place. It does help though that I'm not alone feeling this way and this thread is comforting knowing our heads all go in the same place w/it.
Married to Michael - 3/8/02
Mommy to:
Jacob (10) Matthew (7) Paige (5)
& Liliana (0)

Liliana Eve 1/14/13 ~ 8lbs 2oz and 19"

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December 3rd, 2012, 09:28 AM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 441
I've been freaking out since day 1 and will probably continue to do so until I have my little buttercup in my arms.
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December 3rd, 2012, 11:22 AM
Sawyers_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,690
Glad I'm not the only one!! I thankfully am fine if I get it out of my head and keep busy!

I'm just going to have to avoid reading other boards until I have him!

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December 3rd, 2012, 11:36 AM
lovelyenchanted's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 781
This is me every day. Especially on her quiet days!

I don't know what board I read it on, but she had a still birth for no apparent reason. Scares the crap out of me.

I think another part of my worry is, I have always had this feeling that something is going to go wrong... that I won't get to have a healthy little baby in my arms at the end of this. I don't know if it's because there are so many years between my DD and this baby, and I just never imagined I'd ever be here again, or what. It could also just be the fact that my anxiety has gotten SO much worse over the years.

I just try to remind myself that I am more likely to have a healthy baby than not. That there are people who do horrible things their entire pregnancies and babies still come out ok.

The more I worry, the worse off I am, so I just have to believe things will be ok.

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December 3rd, 2012, 11:59 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When DS2 was born, his placenta was dead, and his cord hadn't been functioning properly. I had been bleeding all along, so I suspected that there were issues, even though the clinic blew me off. In the OR (emergency c-section), one of the surgeons said, "I don't think that baby is alive." Nurses were crying. It was terrible. I remember looking up at the anesthesiologist and trying to smile and nod. (I have no idea why.) In a few minutes, though, he was breathing and moving. I wanted to punch someone and say, "I told you so!" even though the relief at that moment was overwhelming.

So, yes, I have been terrified this whole pregnancy of this final stretch. The tech at the perinatologist the other day seemed to understand my fears, so she took an extra-long look all around the placenta, at the cord, etc. I know that there are no guarantees, but I DID feel better with someone just paying attention to my fears.

On the flip side of that, I have to try hard not to think too hard about it. I got lucky last time by not losing my baby. I am well aware of that. I try to play odds in my head of things like that happening again, and I KNOW that the odds are greatly in my favor. The same way we get through that first trimester of "what ifs" by worrying so much, but trying so hard to remain excited and plan for the birth of a healthy baby, I have gotten through this part. Again, I KNOW that there are no guarantees, but I have to believe that the odds are in my favor. I also don't want to miss some of the joys of feeling her moving around late at night, getting her all to myself for this last little bit, still having 2 arms for my 2 kids, and so on. If I get too overwhelmed and scared about what MIGHT happen, I'm missing out on what is happening right this minute. Don't get me wrong, I worry on a daily basis! I'm so good at worrying that I would list it as my superpower! But I also want to enjoy what I have for now. I still feel so lucky to have gotten the chance to get this far when I thought that I would never get to do it again!

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December 3rd, 2012, 03:28 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,134
Originally Posted by JennyBaby2013 View Post
I think b/c my very first pregnancy was a loss that it set it up in my head that anything can go wrong at any time.
and this:
Originally Posted by iamkc View Post
If I get too overwhelmed and scared about what MIGHT happen, I'm missing out on what is happening right this minute. Don't get me wrong, I worry on a daily basis! I'm so good at worrying that I would list it as my superpower! But I also want to enjoy what I have for now.
both describe so well how I feel about this.

I know people with losses at all stages, including a woman who lost the baby on her due date and knew he was gone as she delivered, and a woman whose baby mysteriously didn't make it hours after delivery, for no clear reason. And it makes me so keenly aware that anything can happen.

But I don't want to worry so much about "what ifs" that I forget to take full stock of what's happening right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "cherish every moment" kind of person. Some moments suck. But being present for the moment is different, and that's been one of my goals throughout this pregnancy is to focus on the kick in the bladder I'm getting right now, rather than worry about whether or not I'll get another one in an hour.

Seriously, though, I think the fear is so, so normal.

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December 3rd, 2012, 05:36 PM
*1st time preggars*
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New jersey
Posts: 558
Yeah I've never been in a rush to deliver my baby I honestly don't feel ready. But these stories scare me. Even when I bend down I fear that I may have hurt one of his limbs. I pray for a healthy development. I seriously can't imagine losing him at tis point that would break my heart
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December 3rd, 2012, 05:57 PM
doxiemom24's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 496
I've been super paranoid since day one, so I can't read those posts or think about those things. That may be selfish I guess, but it's more for self-preservation. I drive myself nuts thinking of all the things that could happen.

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