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Its 1:30 am and I cannot sleep! I am physically tired and emotionally exhausted. I called my mom this evening while I was giving DD a bath as I kept feeling these mom vibes (I always pay attention to my gut cuz every time Ive so called felt these vibes from my mom she needed me...i think its just a mother daughter thing maybe?) Anyway i called her and when she answered she was bawling...no hello or nothing. Immediately i freak and start thinking oh no. Well apparently my mom and youngest bros dog who Ive always refered to as my golden furred brother(a gorgeous rust colored golden retriever named Rusty Bear) started acting sick out of no where this morning. Apparently there was a mass around his heart and there was alot of fluid in it. He was so unstable that if they even moved him he would have suffocated from the fluid build up...mind you he was playing fetch the previous day like normal. Anyway I said bye to him over the phone and was on speaker while he was put to sleep. My baby brother is a very stoic man and it hurt me to hear not only my moms heart wrenching sobs but to hear my strong quiet bro bawling his eyes and heart out. I am sad over Rustys passing...RIP sweet boy. But he was 12. Ive been bracing myself for a year for this. But what kills me and has me up bawling and unable to sleep was to hear my brother hurting so much. I raised my brothers pretty much and we are closer to each other than we are to our parents. Its killing me! I wanna take away his hurt but i cant.