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Had an appointment today and feeling bummed (baby is fine)

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By ThaiSpice
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February 4th, 2013, 11:17 AM
Purple_cat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,206
I had my 30 week appointment today with the midwives and I saw a different midwife from my regular one. (My regular one is doing more deliveries now and isn't doing office visits anymore). The baby is fine. I am measuring right on track, HB was good, etc. My BP was fine, my glucose results came back fine. I have gained about 20 pounds total (which I thought was fine), but she seemed concerned about that.

I started this pregnancy in the overweight category of the BMI and I am kind of sensitive about my weight. She spent pretty much the whole appointment talking to me about ways that I can exercise more and that the walking that I am doing isn't burning enough calories. I am one of the rare people that actually enjoys exercise so it already pains me that I can't do the things that I normally like to do. Walking seems to be the only thing that doesn't cause me a lot of pressure and discomfort. I thought that was good enough for now. She was also really dismissive of the insomnia that I am having and that bothered me. I am not sure what I expected, but it seemed like she was so concerned with my weight that nothing else mattered. I told her that some nights I am only sleeping 2 hours total so it really doesn't feel safe to drive to a pool to swim. She told me to do it anyway.

I just feel terrible about myself now. I was really happy with myself for all the walking I have been doing and my diet has been pretty good (not 100% perfect but a lot better than it was in my first pregnancy).

All my future appointments are scheduled with this midwife and I don't really want to go back. I am thinking of calling and rescheduling all my appointments with a different midwife. I am not sure if I am just being too sensitive. I really liked my other midwife and she never seemed concerned about my weight because my BP is always good, I am active when I can be and all my blood work is always great.

I just feel so defeated right now.
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February 4th, 2013, 11:33 AM
ThaiSpice's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: AR
Posts: 19,828
I hate to hear that! If it were me, I'd seriously consider rescheduling with a different midwife. It sounds like it is not a good fit, and you don't want to trust someone with your care when you don't feel comfortable with them.

A 20lb gain sounds just fine to me. Of course, it depends on each person, and what the rest of the clinical picture looks like, but it sounds like you're doing the best you can. I think that as long as you don't gain excessive amounts in a very short time (like 10 lbs in a week), and you're otherwise doing fine, I wouldn't worry. That's one thing I've appreciated about my OB...even in my last pregnancy, when I gained 55-60lbs, she never mentioned it, because nothing else concerning was going on. I was absolutely miserable and felt like I did the best I could under the circumstances, and it all worked out fine.

What would really bother me is her apparent lack of concern for your insomnia. I know you've been struggling, and I'm sure it's frustrating to hear her just blow it off. It sounds like she's not realizing how bad it has been. That, alone, would make me want to find someone else, if that is an option.

Good luck making that decision!
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February 4th, 2013, 11:39 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 391
i would certainly change if i didn't like the fit.
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February 4th, 2013, 11:44 AM
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I'd definitely try see a different midwife next time, you are not being too sensitive! And 20lbs isn't bad at all by the way! I've gained more!
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February 4th, 2013, 12:38 PM
jen747's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,775
That sucks. It's such a touchy subject to begin with, and your gain does not sound excessive at all. I think a lack of sleep totally throws your whole body off & screws with your metabolism anyways. Perhaps she shouldn't have blown that off. I would definately want to switch to someone else if I felt that uncomfortable.
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February 4th, 2013, 12:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 1,700
I'm sorry she made you feel that way. I agree it doesn't sound like you've gained a lot AT ALL. I'm having a hard time just functioning never mind adding actual exercise to my day and you are suffering from insomnia worse than mine. I would not hesitate to change my appointments. What a crummy feeling

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February 4th, 2013, 12:47 PM
ashley22pa's Avatar April Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 916
I'm sorry! I've gained 26 lbs and my OB hasn't said anything negative. If I were you , I would switch because that would really upset me!

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February 4th, 2013, 01:18 PM
MsRK's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,611
I started out overweight too and my doctor said that I shouldn't gain and shouldn't try to lose right now.. just try to maintain my current weight until the baby is born. So if gained 20lbs I know my doctor would have a lot to say to me about it, which I would expect and accept.

What I DON'T like is that this woman clearly wasn't listening to you, or at least made you feel like she was only concerned about the weight. That IS NOT the only factor at play here and your other issues, (especially the lack of sleep) would surely contribute to why your metabolism isn't burning fat like it should, or you just plain old don't have the freaking energy to go and do more exercising than your walking.

You're NOT a machine! I have to tell you, I've been getting plenty of sleep and I'm sucking at exercising!!! I am only trying to get my walks in right now so that I can have SOME exercise. But I can't imagine if I wasn't getting any sleep at night. I would be a zombie.

So that would be why I would probably try to get a new midwife. Not because she was so interested in my weight gain, but because she was NOT listening to my other concerns and issues.
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February 4th, 2013, 02:34 PM
*Anya*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bay Area. CA
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I'd definitely not see this woman again, seems like she is not using the woman centered care that midwives are generally known for 20lb weight gain at this point is great, I'm well over 30lbs and my midwife hasn't said anything, even when I gained 10 lbs over the holidays, in 5 weeks. She said she'd prefer to see more of 1lb per week gain but she understand that it was the holidays, and I was approaching the 28 week growth spurt. Hugs, ignore that woman.
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February 4th, 2013, 04:22 PM
Purple_cat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,206
Thank you for all the comments. I guess I was really caught off guard because the other midwife always said that my weight gain was fine for how far along I was. I gained the same amount when I was pregnant with my daughter and I lost it all within 2 weeks of her being born.

The sleep issue continues to be a problem and there doesn't seem to be a solution to that. My husband is sleeping on the couch and that helps some because he isn't waking me up, but last night my daughter woke up 3 times to get re-tucked in and my cat woke me up twice begging for food. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep now after I have woken up so last night was not a great night. I have never had insomnia before but I am getting a whole new appreciation for what it is like to function on 2-5 hours of broken sleep each night. This reminds me a lot of what it was like having a newborn so maybe this is just nature's cruel way of preparing me for that again. I always thought instead that women should sleep like hibernating bears in their third trimester to be nice and well rested before the baby comes. But apparently no one consulted me.
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February 4th, 2013, 05:01 PM
plastikmom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South carolina
Posts: 878
Hugs to you! I know how it feels to be sensitive about your weight. I have been self conscious about mine since childhood. I would definitely consider seeing someone new. Or at least explain to her at your next appointment that you do not want to discuss your weight. Tell her it was so upsetting to you this time and for the last few weeks of pregnancy, you just don't need that stress. Sounds to me like you are doing everything right! Hope you get some sleep mama!
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February 6th, 2013, 10:42 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,596
First off, I don't think you're being overly sensitive, but so what if you are? You deserve to have a midwife/doctor who has both your and your baby's best interests in mind. While she may have been focusing on the weight, I think the real issue is that she didn't take your insomnia concerns seriously. And there is no law that says you HAVE to use her, especially when it sounds like you might have some other options.

I refuse to see one of the midwives in the practice that I'm seen at just because I didn't like a comment that she made to me about the size of my family. It's unfortunate because she's one of only 2 that sees people both in office AND delivers at the hospital. It was not a good fit. When I scheduled my appointments up through the end at my last visit, I just asked them who each appointment was with. I only had one come up with her, and I just told them no. I have heard everyone else loves her, but I didn't.

Again, you're entitled to your opinion. More importantly, you DESERVE better care than that and someone who will take your concerns seriously. Good luck!!!
Mommy to Jasmine (18), Kirsten (14), Ana (13), Katie (3), Xavier (1), and Gunnar (born 10-15-14)

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