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Preliminary update of situation with guy

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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May 5th, 2013, 10:28 AM
LadybugBanana's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: KY
Posts: 451
I am sorry you are going through all of this. My advice, from going through this situation with my DD, is to cut your losses now. Just recently(and my DD is 6y/o) has her "sperm donor" started to come around and want to be a part of her life. It is hard to do, but as long as you can find the strength in knowing that life will change and the little bundle you are growing right now will be worth it all in the end, then you will be able to fight through this. My DD knows who has always been there for her, who is her main caregiver, and who she can count on.
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May 5th, 2013, 01:18 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in a difficult situation with your significant other. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have no support from your other half at a time that is so uncertain and emotional to begin with.

I'm not really sure what it is that you are looking for on this thread. People have expressed support and then answered the question about whether or not they think it'll work out if you tell him that you'll consider adoption, despite the fact that you have no plans to do so.

I don't think people are trying to be negative so much as they are being honest and trying to give you advice that they think is in your best interest. You posted above that we don't know him and have no right to judge him and perhaps you're right, but then you probably shouldn't ask people's opinions about your relationships and strategies to deal with your relationship in the future. We can only make a judgment about his character from the things that you have posted about him and so far most of it has been fairly vague and seemingly negative. Only you and the father of your child know the real situation. If you need a place to vent and get some encouragement, I totally understand that need and I think that's the best part about these types of forums. What may not be the best use of the forum is to ask questions that you want only answered a certain way.
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

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May 5th, 2013, 03:30 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,567
Just wanted to remind you that opinions are just that - not facts. Not to mention we only have information provided by you so we likely don't know everything and never will. I also am a bit at a loss as to what you are looking for. I believe its assurance your plan will work. You are extremely lucky to have a wonderful group of ladies who will honestly share their experiences in order to assist you in possibly avoiding agreeing to something you will regret. As they are taking the time to read your thread and responses, and write heartfelt posts, please thank them for their opinions and leave it at that if you do not agree. Feel free to PM me if you have an issue with this.
DS1: C 8/12/2012
DS2: L 3/30/2014
Surprise baby! due 3/27/2017

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May 5th, 2013, 09:07 PM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 20
I am so sorry you are going through this! My situation isn't the same as yours but I am also completely unsure of the future for me and my baby is and it's terrifying. I haven't told the BD yet (we are not together and never have been) because I want to be more solid when I have that conversation with him so I completely understand why you have only just told him. I have been running through a million scenarios in my head and although I know the blame for this pregnancy isn't mine alone, I can't help but feel that way. I have had so many crazy ideas of things to tell him that weren't 100% honest (telling him about possibly putting the baby up for adoption did cross my mind for a second) because the truth might be too difficult or scary for him but at the end of the day the reality that I am having this baby and keeping it isn't going to change. Fear of the unknown is really scary but eventually you and I are both going to have to face the music whether or not we end up facing it alone.

Know that you have my support and that I am in your corner on this but I think the other ladies are correct in that not being completely upfront with him at this point will only hurt you in the long run.
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May 6th, 2013, 06:28 PM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,794
Babies are nothing but blessings. Be honest with him and if he can't handle it then you don't need him. Don't let him talk you into anything you don't want to do.

You'll find someone that loves you and your baby like their own.
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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May 6th, 2013, 08:12 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,071
I'm sorry you're going through this.

I don't know how much this will help you, as its abit of a different siutation. However, I had a friend who recently had a baby... the baby daddy had some not so great quailties such as drug addiction. My friend was worried that she would end up being a single parent. However, shortly after hearing the news he turned his entire life around, all for the baby.

I know this is a completely different situation i share this because I wanted to share that once after the news has had time to settle for him that he may just turn around and decide to be there for you and your baby ** i havent read any other updates you may have written, im still reading through all he threads actually **

I know its hard, but honestly my advice is to give it abit of time, and dont let him talk you into anything you dont want to do.
regardless of whatever happes ill be here for you to talk too **hugs**

Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
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