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As a ftm....my opinion....some are cryptic, but after crying everyday since being home then talking to other moms I guess I'm not alone.
I should have stayed the extra day in the hospital.
The recovery process is way worse than I thought.
Sleep deprived doesn't even start to describe what I am.
I should have made sure family could be here to help ASAP.
I've never been so scared of something wrong happening all the time.
The amazing helpful dad I imagined my husband to be is not what he is.
They tell you to take classes about infant care, what about marriage care?
My plan for caring for Parker went out the window as soon as I got home.
I miss him in my belly ( this may be a premie thing)
It is so much harder than I thought .
I have never felt so much love for anyone.
oh sweetie, those are all totally normal things to be thinking and feeling!!! the crying is normal too. dang baby blues. hormones are crazy in pregnancy, but it's nothing compared to PP! your list took me right back to when i had jacob. it was the hardest time in my life. and honestly the entire 1st year was SO hard on my marriage. but ... we survived and even thrived in time (lots of time). it is a difficult adjustment. it WILL get better. we are all here for you whenever you need to vent!
COMPLETELY NORMAL!! Going from 0 kids to 1 is so hard! I remember it and yes, usually you plan things going one way and NOTHING goes that way. Hang in there because it gets easier as you all learn new roles in the family.
This is going to be me sometime in the next few weeks... but while I still feel rational and relatively well rested I'll say:
You had (a) a baby and (b) major surgery a WEEK ago. That's like no time whatsoever. I know you're strong and will be able to deal with all this, but you have to remember that these are really, really big changes. Think about how different your life was a week ago; things can be very different a week from now. I'll be thinking about you -- keep us posted and enjoy snuggling with your adorable baby!
Just popping in from the June DDC...(due july 2nd though) anyways, i just wanted to tell you that i know exactly what you are going through *hugs* when i had my first i felt all those same emotions. but don't be too hard on yourself, it gets better! the first month is completely overwhelming. hormones are still going crazy and being a new mom is terrifying. you are doing great, hang in there. each day will get better and before you know it you'll be all settled into a routine. <3
I also felt the same way when I had DD. It was soooo hard and I'm so scared to feel that way again. You will get through it and you will sleep again. Talk to your Dr. if the emotions don't start getting better. Looking back I wish I would have reached out more and not have been so miserable for so long.
I so been there .. especially when I had the twins when they came home I was so over protected I wouldn't sleep cause I swore one of them will stop breathing ... this time a round I told hubby that I will push the baby out spend a few hrs with him nurse him pump and take a sleeping pill to knock out so I can be refresh .. he thinks it terrible to say that but I honestly don't want to be so sleep deprive from labor that I start losing it... then when I get home from the hospital I have 3 weeks of help planned .. my mother first week.. MIL second week and my sister and consin the third... it definitely a learning experinces
From August DDC: I could have written this post 2.5 years ago myself. C-section pain was awful and the recovery was so slow! My hubby was wonderful with the bab, not so much with me. So much arguing over stupid things. It took a while, but hubby and I adjusted and we are having a second. The feelings that are all over the place are hard to deal with. It is difficult. Don't beat yourself up even more.
Hugs!! That is all completely normal to feel all of those! I have to say I was very disappointed with how unhelpful my husband seemed compared to what I assumed he would be. As the boys got older he was more involved and I hope your hubby is as well. The worry of something happening never really goes away, he's your baby, it's natural instinct to want to protect him from everything! Like other ladies said it does get better!! You're doing a great job!!
That nothing goes as planned
That I definitely do not need half the stuff I bought
That babies do not reason
That they also do not understand the concept of morning/night
I should have frozen more meals
That having SD here is not as easy as I thought
That my husband is not as useful as I hoped
That c sections are hard to recover from
I felt much the same with my first kid, although my delivery was a traumatic vaginal and my husband was awesome (I didn't change a dirty diaper for the kid's first two weeks of life). But I was miserable all the same. I felt TERRIBLE and MISERABLE and in great physical pain.
I promise... it does get better. It's hard to realize that when you're looking at life through a sleep-deprived, pain-filled haze, but it will get better. The baby will eventually sleep for long stretches. You will eventually heal. And you'll find peace and joy. I promise.
My one piece of advice to you and other FTM who might be struggling: ACCEPT HELP. And don't just accept it, but ASK FOR IT. Let people know what you need. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed to pass the baby off to someone else so you can nap, take a bath, or simply go be alone in a quiet place. It's okay. Even if you have to go knock on a neighbor's door and say, "Can you please sit with my baby for fifteen minutes?" There will be times when you feel at your wit's end. And when those times strike, step back and take time for yourself. There is nothing wrong or bad about catering to your own needs, too.
Hugs!! I'm sorry you are having a rough start. I agree that everything you are feeling is totally normal and it is such a huge adjustment. Ask for help as much as you can from whoever you can because it can get so overwhelming. Vent to us as much as you need and talk to your doctor if you think you need to.
I totally remember a lot of those things from when DS was born. One of the ones that you said that really stood out to me...was that I very much missed him being in me! He was born by emergency c/s at 34 weeks and I was very upset that I had missed out on more time with him inside (but obviously VERY thankful that he was here safely!). I also remember thinking the c/s was rough to recover from.
Yes, I am one for those having c-sec to stay in hospital for the duration
With my first I had been married a year, discharged myself morning of day 3.
2nd elective c-sec I was 23 I then discharged myself the *following day*
i came home dh didnt really help with much as they (him and fil) were fixing up the house. So I was actually looking after a newborn, basically after surgery and a toddler...
Im surprised I didnt pop my stitches.
Hindsight I would have stayed the entire time and I would recommend to any to be mothers reading this to stay until you are recovered enough to go home.
My recoveries were pretty faultless. The first c-sec I was stupid enough to refuse all painkillers, trying to be strong ..or something... who knows.
I went into both honestly (and no reflection on any of my fam) not expecting help
because that is just me not relying on what people will and wont do. So when I didnt get help It didnt bother me, when I did get help, it was a surprise.
I know everything is a blur now, it is all normal and it will get clearer soon.