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Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By crawmommy
  • 2 Post By Kim3
  • 1 Post By LisaS
  • 1 Post By 8miraclez

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July 17th, 2013, 09:34 AM
kit.kat.81's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 422
My daughter is mixed race - I'm white, my DF is Chinese. I had been warned by mixed race friends and friends with mixed race kids to expect some intrusive questions about her race at some point, and I thought I was prepared for the eventuality, but holy crap.

This woman at the pharmacy started talking to me while we waited in line for perscriptions. The conversation went something like this:

Her: "Oh, how precious! She's adorable!"
Me: "Thanks."
Her: "So, I have to ask, what is she?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Her: *obliviously* "What is she?"
Me: "A BABY."
Her: "No, I mean, is she ethnic?"
Her: "She looks sort of ethnic. Like Oriental. Is she Oriental?"

I mean, REALLY?! "What is she"? Like she's asking what breed of dog I have or something. She's a baby - MY baby. Also, "Oriental"? "Ethnic?"

To top things off, this woman then asked me if my daughter is adopted. I wanted to slug her. Instead I just told her "no, she's mine biologically, not that it matters or is any of your business."

Honestly I'm just so flabbergasted and pissed about the whole exchange. My little girl is gorgeous and perfect and blessed to have two cultures to belong to (Irish and Chinese) and it bothers me that some ignorant people are just going to look at her and think "what is she?" like they need to define her by her race. UGH.

Last edited by kit.kat.81; July 17th, 2013 at 09:36 AM.
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July 17th, 2013, 09:57 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
Um isn't the term Oriental kind of a slur at this point? I am surprised by people like this. It's a cute baby. The end. No need to go any further.

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July 17th, 2013, 10:14 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
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Oh my! She is beautiful and that is all.

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July 17th, 2013, 10:52 AM
TeresaV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NY State
Posts: 1,750
Wow! What freakin business is it of hers? I would have been pissed!

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July 17th, 2013, 11:08 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 2,029
I would not have been as calm as you were. What a terrible woman. Your lo is beautiful and blessed.

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July 17th, 2013, 11:36 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Upper Michigan
Posts: 14,600
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I can't imagine how I would have reacted. Wow. And, honestly, it doesn't matter what a baby looks like (beautiful, ugly, "ethnic" OMG the nerve) every child is precious!
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 20 Raechel: 18 Daniel: 15 Joseph: 13 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 7 Lucy Marie: 5 John Anthony: 2 AND Baby due Dec. 2015

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w); Francis (7-4-12 @12w); Charlie (1-19-15 @ 6w)

Congratulations Raechel and Kaleb, married May, 2015

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July 17th, 2013, 11:55 AM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,743
You handled that with a lot of class. Obviously, she lacked tact or class. I am sorry that people are so blind and rude Cute baby - end of story.
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July 17th, 2013, 11:57 AM
kit.kat.81's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 422
Thanks ladies.

What bothers me is that 1.) even if she WERE adopted, what would that matter and what business would it be of hers? I would not love her any less if I had not given birth to her and she would be no less MY child if she were adopted. So what does it matter? And 2.) someday DD will be old enough to understand these questions and people using outdated, borderline racist terms like "Oriental" (she's not a rug, for pete's sake...) and "ethnic" and she will understand that some people will look at her and just see "different". I don't want her to have to hear someone say "what is she?" or "what are you?" and internalize that message.

I guess all I can do is teach her as much as I can that she is loved and perfect like she is and that she represents the best of both of her parents.


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July 17th, 2013, 12:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,511
We must pray for ignorant people....because its either that or raising the blood pressure on people who will never get it...sometimes it amazes me that it is 2013 and some still act this way...jeez. You are strong bc I don't think I could just held my tongue...I would have 'raised by blood' pressure on the lady!
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July 17th, 2013, 01:02 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16
Oh man I would have asked her does it matter beauty runs in the family. She is your baby its not really anyone's business how. I have a pet peeve for ignorance.

Last edited by aidensmom12; July 17th, 2013 at 01:05 PM. Reason: removed a word.
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July 17th, 2013, 02:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
My son has Aspergers. In preschool he had an aide that would go with him to show him how to play (otherwise he would just sit in the corner and watch - he had no innate play skills - he is very black and white. Everything must be functional - for a reason). I remember people asking when they saw the aid - "What is wrong with him." Hmmm - nothing is "wrong" with him and why would you ever ask me in front of him. I wish the same people could see him excel today (However, even if he was not fortunate to excel and respond to therapy, he is MINE. I love him.). I can only hope these people were not smart enough to use good wording when asking.

In addition, I am 39 and DH will turn 45 in a couple of weeks. Our boys are 8 and 10. Can I tell you how many people (and even strangers) have asked if Ellianna was an oopsie. REALLY - that is none of their business. If she was an oops (and she just might have been), that does not mean that I love her any less. It does not mean that she is less precious. In addition, I am caring for her and paying her bills, so what business is it of anyone else if my DH and I had an oopsie

As far of your daughter being a mixed race - why should anyone care or comment. She is a little baby who will grow into a little girl - hopefully a kind, compassionate, generous girl. In the end, most of our children are kinda mixed in some way (we call our kids Heinz 57 - as they must have 57 nationalities in them).
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Last edited by Kim3; July 17th, 2013 at 02:09 PM.
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July 17th, 2013, 03:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,085
Very well said Kim! People these days do not think before they speak. You'll learn to ignore them with time.
-Hey, it's Genesis

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July 17th, 2013, 03:09 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Hugs. It sucks to deal with ignorant and intrusive people like that. My future nieces and nephews will be mixed Chinese and white (N. European & Ashkenazi Jewish) and I worry they may face even more discrimination in China (where my brother and SIL live) than they would here (greater SF Bay area, pretty diverse and liberal). It can be a real challenge to straddle countries, cultures, races, etc but in the end your daughter will be so enriched by it. You may have seen or own this book already, but I saw it in a bookstore and was transfixed by the beautiful children in it, and their words about themselves.
Amazon.com: Mixed eBook: Kip Fulbeck, Maya Soetoro-Ng, Cher Cher, Cher: Kindle Store

I have dark curly hair and am more olive skinned than my DD, who is a platinum blond towhead with very fair rosy skin and blue eyes, like her dad. I have been asked a few times at the park if I am her nanny or if she "is mine". Ummm... yeah... way to start a conversation there!!

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July 17th, 2013, 03:16 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Location: Clovis, CA
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People judge everything. I am 28 and Kyle is 26 we have 4 kids. You should see and hear the comments we get.

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July 17th, 2013, 03:49 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,068
Wow I would have been so mean to that lady if I had been you. Some people are so rude!

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July 17th, 2013, 06:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,551
DH used to think people would think he was the stepdad when we had kids. Turned out they look more like him than like me! My MIL had a picture of DD1 at work and she said none of her coworkers even thought DD was half Chinese...which makes me wonder if I look like the nanny. LOL! Luckily nobody has ever asked, although I do get a lot of "She must look like her dad, huh? She looks nothing like you!" I just shrug it off. The best is when DH and I go out with the kids as a family. Then we get a ton of people coming up to us and telling us how beautiful our kids are, especially older people. The comments won't always be negative, and when they are, ignore them. Life's too short to stress out over ignorant people.
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Lisa, mom to Alie and Christian
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July 17th, 2013, 09:17 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,472
We get comments like that. My dh is Cuban/Puerto Rican and I'm English/German. Our kids all look alike but have very different features. A few have darker complexions and a few are as white as I am. One is even blonde with blue eyes. My kids have come home upset because someone said they were Mexican.

My sister has 9 kids. 3 are half Samoan, 2 half South African, then she has adopted 1 that's Native American, 1 that's Canadian (lol), and 2 that are Vietnamese. She gets dumb questions all the time. One time someone said her 2 kids were cute orientals. She responded by saying "yes, they are ornamental aren't they?" The lady just stood there with the dumbest look on her face.
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July 18th, 2013, 05:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Near Washington DC
Posts: 1,174
You handled that like a champ. Next time just say "She is human" when asked what she is.

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