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Worried about becoming a SAHM (Vent)

Forum: 2013 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By Rosiegirl7
  • 1 Post By Wren
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July 29th, 2013, 07:26 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,398
So I know I am extremely blessed and lucky to be able to become a SAHM thanks to my DH, but I'm worried I will not be able to adjust. I'm not a cleaner...and my cooking is always just...weird. If I'm home too long I will just go back to sleep. Also - I'm a workaholic. I am one of those people who LOVE to be at work and be productive. I put my notice in and my manager asked if I wanted to stay on as just seasonal and I said I'd think about it! I just find it impossible to say no to work and making money - regardless of how tired I am. I think I'm hardwired due to some events to just have a need to work and make money, but at the same time with school and baby it would not be worth the money to put he/she in daycare when I can stay home, plus with DH in the army I'll be moving a LOT in the next year anyways (possibly 6 months in AZ after only 3 months in TN and then god knows where!) so it's not even worth my time to get a job, but I am worried I'll be depressed and bored - or worse he'll think I'm lazy (because I really, really am)!! I didn't do anything the last month he was home because I felt like poo so I'm worried I might be overwhelmed with a baby and classes and still not get housework done and not have the "I just puked up water and stomach acid don't talk or touch me for the next 5 hours" excuse like I did.
Excuse me if my typing is bad There's probably a baby in my arms.
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July 29th, 2013, 08:02 PM
Rosiegirl7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Berkeley, CA
Posts: 1,207
You will be doing the most important t "job" of all- raising your LO! But I hear ya, I'm feeling the same exact way. Going to leave my job to be a SAHM, it's very important to the child's development and you can use any down time making thing, brainstorming at-home business ideas, etc.
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July 29th, 2013, 08:55 PM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 492
Being a SAHM is awesome. Granted, I hated my job I left to be a SAHM. That being said, if I want to take a nap....I do. If I don't feel like cleaning that day....I don't. We eat out a lot. I feel guilty all the time when I hear what other SAHMs do with their day (via Facebook, which a lot of the ones who are bragging seem to be on all day long..hmmm....) because I honestly do not know how to keep busy all day long. I feel slightly less guilty for taking naps & stuff now that I'm pregnant but horribly guilty for not having the energy to do much more than play flash cards or watch a movie with my son. That being said, we are extremely close & although I did go back to work part time (still consider myself a SAHM because I work so few hours), being a SAHM was the best decision I ever made. So even though I may not be the arts & crafts or spend all day at the park or play dates mom, I am the cuddling, cooking together, play video games, hugging, kissing, tickling mom & my son & I have the best relationship because of it. You will figure out what works for you & go with it. Oh & I was so messy & a non cleaner until I had my son. Now I swear I have OCD & my house needs to be spotless everyday. Very hard living with only boys & a hairy dog!
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July 29th, 2013, 09:04 PM
Wanta.number2's Avatar Hi, I'm Tiffani!
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,260
Coming from a former Army wife, you have a lot on your plate already. When you have to move around so much its hard to make any friends because everyone else is always moving around, and a having a long term job is usually out of the question. (More than a few years or so anyways.) I think that a lot of SAHM, especially the ones that are constantly posting on FB, are full of it sometimes. I have been a SAHM for a long time, and sometimes you get tired and can't finish the cleaning, or you get run down from the kids and school and etc that you don't feel like cooking. I tell you what, leave DH with the kids for a day, spend a day shopping or time with family and friends. When he sees how hard it is to do the laundry while feeding the baby and changing diapers when dinner is burning on the stove, he will appreciate what you do for your family. Being a SAHM is work, let me tell you, lol. So next time he comes home and there's dishes in the sink, he will understand!
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July 29th, 2013, 10:29 PM
Druslady96's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 465
I've been contemplating staying home also but having the same reservations... and I like having money to spend and take vacations, etc... but I also understand how ultimately raising my kids is the most important part and I have to do all the same stuff working or not (house work, cleaning, homework...etc) So if your DH is able to support you staying home take advantage of it! Being a workaholic you will find other "work" to do and stay busy. Sure initially it's nice to be lazy because you've been working. I remember I felt that way the last time I decided to stay home, but you adjust and it's great. If money was no object... I would hands down be a SAHM again, much easier than a full time working one.
Wifey to Andrew
Mommy to one beautiful Princess & one handsome Prince

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July 30th, 2013, 02:48 AM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 3,079
It is difficult being a sahm. Since you will have one child it may be a bit easier, such as you will have free time when the baby sleeps because you won't have another child to deal with. However, when the baby is first born, use that time to sleep, you will need it. Just think of it as your new job. Don't worry about being perfect. just think about the basics:does DH have clean clothes for work the next day, does the baby have clean clothes? Are there enough towels for people to take showers? is there enough soap, tp, milk, etc in the house? As far as cooking, don't think you have to make a gourmet meal. It may be helpful to plan a few simple meals a couple days in advance to avoid having to lug the baby to the store every day. You will settle into a groove eventually, don't worry.

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July 30th, 2013, 05:55 AM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,618
See if you like it. If you don't there is nothing wrong with looking for some part-time or temp work to get you out of the house for a bit. As long as you are not losing money on child care there is nothing wrong with working for the experience / sanity. You may love being a SAHM. If you do change your mind I don't think you will have lost too much by quitting your current job since it sounds like you will be moving a lot any way.
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July 30th, 2013, 06:21 AM
MrsPea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Somerville, MA
Posts: 1,946
Staying home is an adjustment for sure. I'm a FTM but have had a couple of spells of being unemployed. Try to tackle the day/ week as you would with work. Make yourself a schedule of things to be done and be flexible with it. Also limit tv time! I try to only watch a show with lunch, because I've fallen down the rabbit hole that is Gray's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives on streaming. Try to work in a creative outlet for yourself, like a bigger house project or a blog or work on a business plan. It doesn't have to be all cleaning/cooking/baby all the time.

But it sounds like you will find you have your hands full anyways with classes and a new baby to take care of. You'll find your day goes by fast!

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July 30th, 2013, 11:49 AM
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 397
I will admit when I first became a stay at home mom I was HORRIBLY lazy. I was used to working 10 hour days and going to school on top of being a mom so I was always doing something. When I quit everything else to stay home with my son, the first 6 months just felt like one big day off! I would sit around all day watching him and would nap or watch TV while he was down. I couldn't motivate myself to do anything at all. One day I just kind of snapped out of it. I am a list person and this might not work for everyone, but I have a weekly schedule of things that I do and I stick to it for the most part. On certain days I clean certain things. Another day I meal plan and browse sale ads then the next day do my shopping, etc. It makes me feel productive and motivates me to get stuff done early so that I can have the rest of the day to do something fun with my son. I am the type of person that likes contributing to the family and I was uncomfortable with the idea of staying at home at first. Viewing it as a job really helps me approach it with a better attitude and gives me a sense of accomplishment when my husband compliments me on how nice the house looks or how great dinner is.
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July 30th, 2013, 12:17 PM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,881
It is hard, do know that. I only stay at home during the summers, though I'm hoping to be a SAHM in the next year or so. I, like you, am not the best cleaner (hate cleaning) and I can be lazy and a half-as*er. I would recommend you look into things you can do outside of the house with your baby, so you can sort of have a schedule and take a break from the monotony of sitting at home.

I went to infant storytime at the library, a mommy and me fitness class, and I did summer swimming classes with baby. It's a good way to meet other moms and babies and just get out of the house. I love cooking, but I still have yet to master a clean house cleaning schedule...
Wren likes this.

One angel baby lost at 8 weeks in June 2016
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July 30th, 2013, 02:07 PM
Wren's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,618
For about a year I was working only one day a week, and I was much happier when I got into the routine of going to play groups and story time. You definitely need to get out of the house for a couple hours each day.
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July 31st, 2013, 07:00 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,167
The other ladies gave great advice, I don't really have anything to add. Make lists, try and get out of the house, etc.

I will say that personally I like to work part time. I am of that personality type, I just feel so much better when I get up in the morning and get dressed and go make money. I love my son to death but I do get bored staying home, I won't lie. I am a SAHM right now, have been since May and probably will be for quite a while longer. I know a lot of people would say (and have said) how "lucky" I am to be home with him but it's not really a matter of being able to afford it. In fact we are low-income and I am not working because I CAN'T afford to. First, we only have one car and can't afford a second right now so I would have no way of getting there. Second, my entire salary would go to day care. If I didn't have another baby on the way I would probably be looking into state aid programs to help pay for day care, but with 2 kids, it's just insanely expensive. And I don't want my newborn in day care.

I was home all the time until Jackson was 6 months, then I took part time classes so I was still home a lot. When we moved to CT when he was a year old I started working part time (25-30 hours per week) and my husband was a student so kind of pieced together a schedule between my work, his classes, my Mom watching him one day per week, and for a semester he went to a day care a morning or 2 per week. I just stopped working in May because my husband graduated, got a new job, and we moved. Plus like I said, the transportation and day care issues. I do miss it though. I loved my job, and I feel like part time was the best of both worlds. It didn't come with as much guilt, but I got my adult interaction. I know I will go back when I can, probably not until the new baby is about a year old.
Wife to Matt
Mama to Jackson Matthew- 3 yrs old
& Henry Joseph- born 10/15/13
8 lbs 10 oz and 22" long

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