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Negative comment not physically or mentally capable of being a mother.

Forum: February 2015 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By WantingAnother
  • 2 Post By amyld
  • 2 Post By Sassafrass
  • 2 Post By d_tops
  • 1 Post By Babylove2015
  • 1 Post By PrettyMommy

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August 28th, 2014, 09:10 AM
Babylove2015's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 173
Hi ladies I am kind of upset and have no one to talk to at this moment. My SO and I decided not to go for ultrasound for abnormalities. I am 40 and it was the decision best for us. My sister asked me today how test went I told her why we decided against testing. I was told basically the health of my baby was at risk, if there was a problem they could possibly fix it, my dr. Told me wrong info (her friend got pregnant after having tubes tied 5 years ago and has multiple health problems and she had to go for battery of tests so she thinks my testing should be the same. I told her I was ending the conversation I didn't want to argue. She said some other things and here's the kicker, she thinks I'm not physically or mentally capable of having a child! I hung up on her, she made horrible decisions in her life I always supported her, she thinks her life is perfect (far from it) I'm done she burnt my last bridge with her. It's her loss because I'm going to be an amazing Mother I don't pawn my kids off in the weekend to drink... Like her. Part of me thinks maybe she's right.

Melissa Due February 5,2015 Our Angel Baby Dec. 2013 always in Mommy's Heart

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August 28th, 2014, 09:15 AM
WantingAnother's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 4,375
I am so sorry you have to deal with that negativity. That is not fair of her to say to you. It's always the people who live the way they are accusing you of. It's a way to make themselves feel better. I know this is probably easier said than done but try to blow off what she says. I would take it with a grain of salt coming from someone who lives a poor-choice life.
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August 28th, 2014, 09:34 AM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 486
I completely agree--this has NOTHING to do with you. It's all about her and her choices.

It's always upsetting when friendships end, but I'm a firm believer that they do for a reason. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. If she's not going to support you in this pregnancy, then distance yourself. I'm so sorry she's causing you stress and sadness!
WantingAnother and d_tops like this.
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August 28th, 2014, 09:39 AM
Sassafrass's Avatar Running Mamma
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 4,767
Im sorry, but your sister sounds like a b!tch!

This is your body, your baby, and your decisions. If she can't support that, then you don't need her in your life.

You will be a fantastic mother. HUGS.
Adding1more and MistyLynn85 like this.
Mummy to 7,

Scarlett Arya('15)
and 3 in my heart(3/13, 6/13 & 9/13)

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August 28th, 2014, 10:46 AM
Cassie.S's Avatar Proud Mommy!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 8,889
Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear you're having to deal with that negativity. And from your sister. How awful.

Cassie, wife to Andrew, mommy to Sophia and Landon!

{Our family blog}

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August 28th, 2014, 11:23 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,134
First of all, that little part of you that is going through a moment of self doubt... that will always be there. And it is part of what will make you a GREAT mother. When a little self doubt gives you pause for a time of reflection and consideration, it opens space for you to make the best decision for you and baby, to correct course if you need to, to forgive yourself for the mistakes WE ALL make, and to get back to the daily grind of loving someone so much it hurts.

The unkindness of others sometimes makes us think these sorts of doubts will defeat us, but they can make us stronger and better if we pay attention.

Second, we skipped all the testing this time through, too. We tried to skip it last time, but then because of a placental abruption we started down the road of test after test after test. One blip on a scan led to another and to another. Baby ended up being (inexplicably and against all odds) fine. This is not true for everyone, sometimes the tests are exactly what a family needs to prepare them for what is ahead. But you and your SO know what you need, and sometimes what you need is to wait and meet your baby. Your informed, consensual, mutual decision is none of her business.

I'm sorry you're not feeling supported by your sister.

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August 28th, 2014, 11:50 AM
Babylove2015's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 173
(((hugs))) Thank you all so much. We have a wonderful group of ladies here for support. I don't know what I would do without you all. I feel a lot better. I'm not going to make her issues my issues. I do apologize for criticizing her I try not to do that. Thanks again.
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Melissa Due February 5,2015 Our Angel Baby Dec. 2013 always in Mommy's Heart

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August 28th, 2014, 01:21 PM
WantingAnother's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 4,375
I am glad you are feeling better! I also agree that we have a wonderful group of ladies here

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August 28th, 2014, 02:02 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
I don't do all the testing either. Tell sis to lump it. You will be great. All you have to do is love them.
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August 28th, 2014, 02:36 PM
PrettyMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,949
My OB doesn't even request all those test so I am lucky. She does the basics but unless I have some history of an issue then she won't bother and I don't ask. I do the anatomy scan cause I have had issues with placenta and had a child diagnosed with a heart problem, which was needed for us so they could keep an eye on him the remainder of the pregnancy in case intervention was needed AND we had to deliver at a hospital equipped to help him when he was born. So going through that made me appreciate the ultrasound and think it's needed for me. But not all feel that way and thats perfectly fine. No one should judge you or down you for your choices. As parents we need to make those judgement calls and trust ourselves. Docs aren't always right nor are other people around you. I would consider the source when someone has something negative to say. Many people throw stones from their glass houses. You will be a fine mother if you trust your instincts.
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August 28th, 2014, 03:10 PM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Mama to 5 girls and 1 boy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 7,641
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No mother should ever be made to feel bad forthe choices she feels best I'm so sorry she made you feel that was ((hugs))
Matt(38)DH & soulmate for 15 1/2yrs (V-Feb 20/08 * VR-Feb 18/11)
6 time HG survivor , AP Mama to 5 GIRLS & a 1 BOY
Karrara 11 01/11/05, Kaiah 9 1/2 07/01/06, Kayda 8 01/12/08
Katara 4 02/10/12, Korra 2 1/2 10/10/13, Kannon 14mo 02/21/15
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August 28th, 2014, 03:42 PM
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 196
Ugh sometimes people need to keep their opinion to themselves. for the first time i got the first trimester screen done and will be doing the anatomy scan and and echo of the babies heart because of my oldest needing surgery at 1 month old. the tests are optional thats why you are allowed to pick which ones you want. I wish people would realize that. i would just ignore her rants and live your life.
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August 28th, 2014, 05:29 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Really? Tell her to kick rocks! How inconsiderate, I'm sorry you had to deal with that

TTC #4 since 9/2013 150mg Clomid BFP 5/22/14! Stick Bean Stick!
We have a heartbeat :-) EDD 1/30/15! It's A Girl! SHE'S HERE! Lillian Emma Born 1/9/15 @37wks 6lbs 8oz

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August 28th, 2014, 11:30 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: South Australia
Posts: 595
Oh wow that is really really rude and unacceptable. I am sorry that she felt the need to project her issues surrounding motherhood on to you. The decisions to do with your pregnancy are yours and your parnter's to make and nobody else's. You will be a great mum.
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