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My DH has some questions/concerns


Forum: Natural Family Planning and FAM

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  #1  
March 2nd, 2009, 07:16 AM
Amy B.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We noticed while doing NFP from December 2007-May 2008 that I seem to be more "in the mood" closer to ovulation than any other time of the month. Well, that is the time when we are supposed to abstain, and our church teaches that no other form of sexual release is okay, so what are we supposed to do if we want to TTA? I have a fairly low sex drive as it is, so this makes it difficult on us as a couple. It was because of this "issue" that we have baby number 3 (although I'd never ever change that now). Is there a surge in hormones during ovulation that would cause me to be more in the mood? Any advice?
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  #2  
March 2nd, 2009, 07:24 AM
*1Boy1Girl*
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I'm the same way hun. That week is the friskiest time for me.
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  #3  
March 2nd, 2009, 08:30 AM
geo-geek
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It is said that it is like that because with the EWCM produced at that time it *feels* like you are already aroused so it is an easy transition to actually being aroused. Does that make sense? I agree it is when I am the most frisky as well. I will tell you what I tried when in my infertile dry phase that has helped me with my low drive. If I know that I want to DTD but I can't really get all the way in the mood I take a B6 and then with out DH knowing I put some lube in to imitate EWCM days. It usually works if DH isn't being particularly annoying
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  #4  
March 2nd, 2009, 12:42 PM
SavaAngel's Avatar Mama to AJ & Katie
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Yep - same here. DH just has to work harder to get me in the mood when I am in my dry phase. It takes a little time and patience, but I got in the mood that if he couldn't be patient and work with me then we didn't make love.
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  #5  
March 2nd, 2009, 10:45 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Higher estrogen levels around the time of ovulation do have an effect on libido. It's Mother Nature's way of making you interested in sex when you're most likely to conceive...to perpetuate the human race.

As for how to handle it, each couple is quite different. I find that during the infertile times, when my libido is naturally lower...I can't just flick a switch and be suddenly interested. I have to start earlier in the day by thinking about DH, remembering all the things he does for me, etc - so that by the time evening rolls around, it's a lot easier to get in the mood. It takes some extra effort, but so worth it!
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  #6  
March 3rd, 2009, 08:48 AM
Amy B.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Okay, that helps with the low interest times of the month, but what about when you want to make love but you're too close to ovulation (TTA)? Do you just try and ignore it then? I do really want to make NFP work for us, and I want to make sure to do it right. Thanks!
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  #7  
March 3rd, 2009, 09:28 AM
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With DH and I, I don't tell him that I am in the mood. If you want it to work, you make it work. I know it is easier said than done, but yeah, it is kind of just ignoring it. Knowing that you are fertile you can go over the reasons why you are waiting. It is a time that DH and I talk about our goals in life to put it in a kids vs no kids 9 months from now perspective. When I talk about goals it puts DH and I on an intellectually similar level and we reach a deeper understanding. And, yes, we talk about this every cycle.
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  #8  
March 3rd, 2009, 01:03 PM
SavaAngel's Avatar Mama to AJ & Katie
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When we were TTA I just told Tony that we couldn't because I was wet/fertile/etc. He knew we weren't ready for an oopsie so he would wait a few days.
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  #9  
March 3rd, 2009, 11:14 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Okay, that helps with the low interest times of the month, but what about when you want to make love but you're too close to ovulation (TTA)? Do you just try and ignore it then? I do really want to make NFP work for us, and I want to make sure to do it right. Thanks![/b]
Hmmmm, I don't know if ignore is the word I would use personally. Rather than using that attraction for sex, we just try to connect in other ways during the fertile time - hugging, holding hands, watching a movie, pray, playing a board game, etc. So we "redirect" it I guess! Sometimes if we get too excited, we stop and ask ourselves "Are we really ready to be pregnant right now?" That usually puts things into perspective. If the answer is "No," we stop. Sometimes I have to let Josh go to bed a few minutes before me so he's fast asleep by the time I get there - it's easier to resist temptation that way!

I find it kind of humbling actually. Even if we are avoiding the fertile time, I'm kind of in awe of the potential it has for a new human life, you know? I kind of think, "Wow, so cool that we could make a baby right now! Oh well, not going to this time...but how neat!" Not really ignoring those feelings, but acknowledging that they are there for a reason...just not doing anything with them.
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  #10  
March 4th, 2009, 07:28 AM
Amy B.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, ladies! All good suggestions!
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  #11  
March 8th, 2009, 06:53 AM
TaraJo827's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Good suggestions. I dread this part of NFP, actually. My libido is probably still fairly low due to breastfeeding, but I can already tell that every time I start producing more fertile mucus and I can tell my body is ramping up, my sex drive goes up, too.

In general I've noticed that the majority of the time I'm either not too interested in sex or just plain don't want to, and when I am fertile I'm like HELL-O!! So, honestly, it can kind of depress me that if we were to use NFP to avoid until menopause that every time I reeeally want to have sex, I can't, for the entirety of my reproductive years.

Sooo... hm... that's probably not very uplifting! I don't have anything to add, just saying I feel your pain and am going to have to work on getting through those times, too, if we want to avoid.

On second thought, eh! We'll just have 16 kids! LOL j/k
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