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Do big families give NFP/FAM a bad name?


Forum: Natural Family Planning and FAM

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  #1  
November 16th, 2011, 10:00 PM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So I have a friend who made a joke that 5 babies is a lot of broken condoms.
Being that this friend and I met at a Catholic high school I responded by saying "Catholics don't use those."
So he said "Yeah, I figured that."
To which I said "We only get pregnant when we want to, we just always get pregnant when I want to." (I didn't think I needed to explain the LJ thing, it would just complicate the issue.)
To which he said "You must have your cycle down pat."
To which I just straight up told him that we don't use the rhythm method we use "real NFP" (which isn't fair, rhythm is a "real" thing, it just doesn't work for people like me who don't have normal cycles) I also told him I don't have normal cycles. (This guy and I have a weird relationship, most people wouldn't have this conversation with a guy I realize.
Anyway, I realize the general public would believe more in NFP if more families who practiced it just had 1 or 2 kids, but when the families practicing are like mine, pregnant with a 5th child, it's harder for them to buy into.

Anyway, just the ponderings of me...
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  #2  
November 16th, 2011, 10:24 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Only when it's attached to people's erroneous conclusions. This is the math most people do.

Big family + NFP = NFP is ineffective for TTA

To arrive at that conclusion that NFP is ineffective based on a family's number of children, you have to make some pretty fat assumptions:

a. that the children were all conceived while TTA
b. that the couple was following all the rules of NFP and conceived anyway


Perhaps neither is true? Perhaps the couple used NFP to TTC their big family? Perhaps they broke rules all over the place while TTA? Nobody knows those details just by looking at a family and counting heads.

So I think it's people assumptions and misconceptions that give NFP a bad name. You simply can't measure it's effectiveness based on the number of children a couple has, because that doesn't tell you anything about how the couple was using NFP.
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  #3  
November 17th, 2011, 12:39 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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see I've never associated NFP/FAM with big families, but with religion.

And while yes, I have associated big families with religion as well, never made the correlation with nfp and religion because I usually figured they were leaving the timing of the desired number of children up to God/Fate.
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  #4  
November 17th, 2011, 07:36 AM
SammyJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tithen~ View Post
see I've never associated NFP/FAM with big families, but with religion.

And while yes, I have associated big families with religion as well, never made the correlation with nfp and religion because I usually figured they were leaving the timing of the desired number of children up to God/Fate.


I live in Utah so there are lots of people of the LDS faith here and most that I know are more just about big families because that is the culture. However, I only know of a couple others that use NFP and incidentally, they all have small families. I agree with Shawna too. I think a lot of it is just people's misconceptions and not necessarily reality.
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  #5  
November 17th, 2011, 10:07 PM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, but I know it isn't reality, but is one of the reasons people refuse to believe NFP works, that a lot of people who use it have big families? Cuz having a big family is something a lot of people just don't understand...
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  #6  
November 18th, 2011, 12:37 PM
Sk8ermaiden's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I totally agree. If I had 5+ kids, and tried to talk about FAM, everyone would just roll their eyes at me. They would be wrong, but it would happen anyway.

And to be fair, If I were learning about it, I would want to learn from a family like the one I want. I would want to see that it could work for someone who only wants one or two kids. Even though you can scientifically learn the method and understand that the method works - application of the method over 30+ years is a much bigger challenge. Most of the people I know don't necessarily believe that it doesn't work, but that THEY couldn't work it. Kind of like when someone forgets to put on a condom in the heat of the moment. It's why almost every woman I know is on hormonal birth control.

I mean, *I* know wholeheartedly how well it works, but I don't believe that it is something I want to do for the rest of my life. Because I DO believe I'd end up with a larger family than I want.
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  #7  
November 18th, 2011, 01:47 PM
benandali's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah I agree it isn't true but it is a very common misconception.

I always thought people w/ big families must use NFP and not have "good luck"....of course thats before I learned it lol

I personally think alot of people who use NFP actually WANT a large family and NFP is so compatible with that.
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  #8  
November 19th, 2011, 02:52 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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I too live in Utah and see a lot of large LDS families. Since I am a member of the LDS religion, I understand why people do that, but obviously DH and I have used FAM to avoid for 3 years before TTC. My whole family (several siblings have 4+ children and I am the youngest of 6) thought I was insane for wanting to do FAM. They figured we would end up pregnant and bugged me for a good year when they knew I switched over with pregnancy crap. I think I have converted my family to believers of NFP/FAM now but they had the same misconceptions for sure!
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