Loss?

LJD3Tdance · #1 December 28th, 2011, 08:40 PM

A friend of mine who wants to have a baby was at my house earlier today. She had breakfast with another friend (she's having a friend tour, only in town for a couple days) who is pregnant for a 4th time. This is her 4th pregnancy, but she only has one child, she lost their first at 20ish weeks, and the 3rd at 10ish weeks. My friend that was over has had no luck with TTC and she was saying how she relates to the girl with the losses because of their own infertility issues.

She then went on to tell me how they only have 3 people they're planning to tell in the first trimester, though that got me thinking about this 20ish week loss the other girl had. How does the idea of loss affect the way you have or will when you get pregnant, tell people? Do you wait til the 2nd trimester/will you? Or do you tell people right away?

Mod-MeggysMommy · #2 December 28th, 2011, 08:59 PM

Before I got pregnant with Megan I had a loss at 7wks. When I got pregnant with Megan we told at 6wks. Our original plan was 12 wks but that didn't happen. If we have another I won't be telling people until 12wks. More for the fact that I don't want to hear others reactions when I'm early on.

SavaAngel · #3 December 29th, 2011, 01:21 AM

With Katie, we told DH's family right away. I mean we were TTC for a long time and it was WELL known. I told immediate friends right away too. And then I started spotting.....for weeks. So we refrained from telling anyone after that until I saw the doctor again at 9 wks and they did another ultrasound and saw a heartbeat.

I don't know what we will do next time. I have never had a loss....just the scare with Katie. But if Katie is still quite young then we may wait awhile. Mostly because I was sick right before Thanksgiving and I started getting some questions from a couple people if I was pregnant and that it was too soon to be having another, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say that turned me off from being too public about a pregnancy as long as Katie is under 2 years. I will have to go into hiding on here though....long story.

plan4fate · #4 December 29th, 2011, 07:05 AM

I'm not sure. My co-host found out last week she's preggo... her scan yesterday showed no sac (dr says it looks like it may have collapsed) she's already had multiple losses. They decided this time to enjoy it while they could, and since her numbers looked great, announced it to family.

Now her heart is breaking, and she has to break everyone's if next weeks scan doesn't show good news.

AND my bestfriend had a 27 week loss... so it's danged if you do danged if you don't really...

It will depend on what DH wants to do. I'd like to at least see a "normal" looking baby on an ultrasound screen before I go telling people. My first looked fine, until you saw the ultrasound.. both babies were developing abnormally because of a Trisomy.

K.A.T · #5 December 29th, 2011, 07:33 AM

I've told before the second tri, but that's because I can't hide it. Once I saw the heart beat I felt comfortable letting everyone know. I did want to wait but I got excited with my good beta numbers and couldn't help but spill the beans.

jhmomofmany · #6 December 29th, 2011, 10:42 AM

I've never had a miscarriage- my only pregnancy loss was at 36 weeks. So, I guess by that experience, there is no point in pregnancy at which I can say with 100% certainty that everything will be okay. That's the way it always is, but people don't like to think of it that way. When we were expecting Lucy we told the kids right away, and told family pretty early. I waited until I wasn't sick anymore to tell my employer and neighbors, just because I was feeling miserable and wanted to be able to look happy about sharing the news.

Sk8ermaiden · #7 December 29th, 2011, 11:07 AM

With Elizabeth we told at 10-12ish weeks?

With the next we will likely tell our parents a lot earlier - 6 weeks maybe? And everyone else 12 or 13 weeks.

geogeek · #8 December 29th, 2011, 12:38 PM

I never told anyone I was pregnant with any of my losses besides DH. I always wanted to tell mine and his parents in person and we lost the babies before that could happen. We told my parents right after finding out I was pregnant with Marsi. DH didn't want to tell his parents until right before we told the world...which for us was just shy of 12 weeks. At that point I was past all my loss dates and felt comfortable that this was the one that would stick. I then had bleeding issues, emergency ultrasound and everything within that week. I think I will do the same thing with any other pregnancy. Keep it to my parents only until about 12 weeks. We might wait the full 13 next time just to be out of the first trimester. Losses have made me more cautious about telling the world, but not about telling my parents.

Shades of Grey · #9 December 29th, 2011, 09:32 PM

With Greyson, we told a few the week we found out. I had to tell work at 7 wks because I was throwing up all day every day. Cant really hide that. I think next time the intimate friends and family will know pretty soon after we find out because no matter what they are on the journey with us.

wildchihuahua · #10 December 30th, 2011, 06:47 AM

My second pregnancy ended in a missed Ab - the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks but we didn't find out until 10 weeks. Then I had to have a d&c. I hadn't told anyone at work yet but then when I went back, it was hard to hide my tears. So, I ended up telling everyone what happened anyway. So, like a PP said, sometimes you're stuck either way.

bellabri287 · #11 December 30th, 2011, 11:44 AM

That's my biggest fear when we get PG. I will likely tell my parents and his very soon after finding out, a week or two. Like others said, if my symptoms are bad I don't think I can hide it at work as we are a close knit office. But ideally I would wait until definitely after my 1st u/s (to actually see a heartbeat) to confirm it with people/coworkers if they are suspecting. I probably wont tell everyone/FB ect. until 12+ weeks. If I can keep my mouth shut, LOL.

LJD3Tdance · #12 December 30th, 2011, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeggysMommy

Before I got pregnant with Megan I had a loss at 7wks. When I got pregnant with Megan we told at 6wks. Our original plan was 12 wks but that didn't happen. If we have another I won't be telling people until 12wks. More for the fact that I don't want to hear others reactions when I'm early on.

And see for me it has nothing to do with loss, I would be sharing the pain with the world too, I share everything...I don't do good with waiting to tell, but the waiting I do is due to the comments people make.

HippyMomOf4 · #13 December 31st, 2011, 11:26 AM

I've had 4 losses, with my first we didn't tell many people that I was pregnant because I was 17 and not married to DH yet. We told our families about the other 3 pregnancies right away because I wanted to celebrate the pregnancies with family even if they ended in another loss. Once I got pregnant with my 7th pregnancy I waited until we heard the hb around 11 weeks to tell anyone. With my 8th pregnancy I told me mom right away and BFF, but we didn't tell anyone else until I was 14 weeks because the family wasn't happy about us expecting again.

benandali · #14 January 1st, 2012, 09:35 AM

I've always waited till after a few weeks...around 10 weeks. With Liv though I was in such denial and so angry about it I didnt tell till almost 14 weeks LOL! I had a lil belly and everything. But it was winter so I hid it well.

SammyJ · #15 January 2nd, 2012, 01:21 PM

I honestly don't know what I would do. I've never been pg so I don't have any previous losses to worry about, but I just know that anyone can have a miscarriage, so I am not sure what I will do when the time comes. I know my cousin just announced her pg on Facebook at 5 weeks. This is her first pregnancy, so she doesn't seem worried. Maybe it's just from hearing about so many losses here on JM across the boards, but I think I would be more paranoid.

I would probably tell our immediate families at around 5-6 weeks, but would hold off from a FB announcement until 12 weeks.

HeartHelloKitty · #16 January 12th, 2012, 09:57 AM

I always wanted to wait until 12 weeks, but with our first, DH got really excited just couldn't wait, so we told people pretty much as soon as we found out. It ended in a missed miscarriage but honestly, people were very supportive and so we told early again with Ellie. DH pointed out that the people we wanted to share our excitement with were the same people we'd want support from if we had another miscarriage so there wasn't really any sense in waiting.

luvHim · #17 January 12th, 2012, 12:54 PM

I've lost 3 and realized after the first two that people find out anyway. So I just decided to go ahead and tell immediate family around 6-7 weeks. It's not fun to tell folks you lost a baby, but the sad fact about humanity is that news like that spreads like wildfire. You find you only have to tell a few and the news gets out.

With our second, we didn't tell until we had lost the baby and that was no fun either. Not any good way around it!

LJD3Tdance · #18 January 12th, 2012, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gwyndyn

I always wanted to wait until 12 weeks, but with our first, DH got really excited just couldn't wait, so we told people pretty much as soon as we found out. It ended in a missed miscarriage but honestly, people were very supportive and so we told early again with Ellie. DH pointed out that the people we wanted to share our excitement with were the same people we'd want support from if we had another miscarriage so there wasn't really any sense in waiting.

That's how I always felt about it when I thought about it, but I know people say it is different when you actually go through it, and I haven't, so...