We had a talk tonight...

plan4fate · #1 February 1st, 2012, 07:41 PM

I had an awful night last night, it was so bad I told him I was calling Planned Parenthood and going back on the pill. He has basically repeated last cycle again... and I was fed up.

So I told him that from now on, the responsibility is his. I will again answer questions honestly, but I'm done with being the responsible one. I'll chart, I'll tell him when it is and isn't safe.. but in the end the choice will be his.

I told him that all I've been able to think about lately is how to come up with oopsies. I do not want to wait, therefore I refuse to accept all the responsibility for the birth control. He's going to get a lesson in charting and he'll have to take an active roll in the whole thing.

I laid everything out for the first time. He didn't realize that I was feeling quite this way, he assumed that because of our situation we weren't ready for a baby. I told him there are many types of "Ready" and just because our living situation isn't ideal, doesn't mean that I'm not ready in other ways. I also explained that we can't start ttc when we want to be pregnant, it doesn't work that way. That it could take a year to conceive... something he hadn't though about.

So, when my weight ticker reaches the 40.8lbs lost, we're going to discuss ttc again. That will leave me with 20-30lbs to lose, he said if I'm feeling better, and sick less we may start ntnp until spring to give me time to get the weight off... so we've got some Progress going on here!

ShawnaCAN · #2 February 1st, 2012, 09:19 PM

I think that's a really beautiful example of how charting really forces us to communicate more and makes family planning decisions a joint responsibility, not just all on one person. Not without some growing pains for sure in the process though! Glad you guys were able to have a really open discussion about it.

So do you think it will help with the weight loss if you know it's moving you closer to TTC?

LJD3Tdance · #3 February 1st, 2012, 09:38 PM

I'm glad you talked to him. Men have a hard time thinking sometimes. Also the word "ready" does seem to have a different meaning to every person and if you wait for every aspect to be ready, you'll be old and childless.

rlh27 · #4 February 2nd, 2012, 08:02 AM

I'm glad things are all out in the open now. Not to the extreme you're experiencing yet, but DH and I also had different ideas of when the "right" time was. He could only think of the financial aspects of it, and it took him a while to see things from my perspective.

Good luck on your weight loss! Are you doing it on your own, or are you following a program?

SammyJ · #5 February 2nd, 2012, 08:04 AM

Like I said on FB, I think this is a great conversation and I love that you now both have goals you can work toward. Having incentive is definitely awesome too! I know losing some of those lbs before getting pregnant was a huge incentive to me, although I still could lose some more. hahaha.

I agree with Shawna too, I love how the FAM/NFP rules are so great when it comes to really encouraging conversation between a couple. It should be the responsibility of both involved an since he is the one that is holding off on wanting to get pg, then this will be a good learning experience for him. So glad for you both!

plan4fate · #6 February 2nd, 2012, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShawnaCAN

I think that's a really beautiful example of how charting really forces us to communicate more and makes family planning decisions a joint responsibility, not just all on one person. Not without some growing pains for sure in the process though! Glad you guys were able to have a really open discussion about it.

So do you think it will help with the weight loss if you know it's moving you closer to TTC?

Well i realized last night he's a cheeky git. I'm planning on NOT travelling with him for Fall 2012 and spring 2013, rather I'll get a full time job back in Appleton and add to the savings. So it's easy to ntnp when you're husband is 800 miles away! lol bugga!

But it'll backfire on him if I lose 40lbs and decide working's not important (he doesn't want me to work anyway lol) and go with him anyway. But if I work while he's at work, I don't have to work while he's at school.. it'd be extra income.. which would give us freedom to actually TTC.

I gave him a valid point last night. "having an end of 2013 early 2014 baby means you get to spend time with the baby and me in the event that you HAVE to go back on the road for another job. I'm not willing to wait past early 2014.. you knew that when we got married and we agreed on it." He agreed, because if we wait and he goes on the road, I may have to give birth alone (or with his ex wife) because there's no guarantee any of my family could get down here (I have a few JMer's in the list for this position too if absolutely needed lol)

So it pretty much looks like we could be on for throwing caution to the wind and start ttc officially in early 2013 (probably june when he gets done the job) which is only 2 months past my original "guarantee" of two years (I came to the US in April of 2011).

Quote:

Originally Posted by rlh27

I'm glad things are all out in the open now. Not to the extreme you're experiencing yet, but DH and I also had different ideas of when the "right" time was. He could only think of the financial aspects of it, and it took him a while to see things from my perspective.

Good luck on your weight loss! Are you doing it on your own, or are you following a program?

Well, right now I'm doing it on my own. Eating better meals, going to be doing a lot of walking (it was in the -teens when we left Wi, it's in the 50's here in Ky), the hotel has a treadmill and stepper... but once we know where we'll be staying for the next 5 months I'll join a gym, get a few trainer sessions (he'll spring for one a month for me, since they run about $60 a piece) . When we go back home we'll use the apartment pool and workout room a lot. He wants to trim up himself.

But the 3 week vacation to Canada will throw us for a loop since I'm throwing caution to the wind. I want pizza, garlic fingers, donairs (like a gyro, but with a sweet sauce).. things I can't get down here. LOL. Corn Chowder (he has an aversion to corn) fish (he can't stand the smell, but I can eat it if we eat out).... I CANT FREAKING WAIT!

I bought the nike+ sensor for my ipod yesterday.I have to take it back today since I got the wrong one, but it will track just how far I walk.. and i'm going to make it my goal to go a little further each week (I've already done a few miles, just running errands.. I LOOOVE to walk).

He's also going to buy me the reflective cover and a case for my kindle, I love to read and walk.. but ya can't see the kindle outdoors well, it's like looking in a mirror. I prefer to walk in the evening, but he's made me promise that I won't go for legitimate walks after he goes to sleep.. but I can take the car and go power walk the stores. He's a bit of a worry wart. I go out after he's asleep allll the time, he has no idea, he's asleep!

LJD3Tdance · #7 February 5th, 2012, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rlh27

I'm glad things are all out in the open now. Not to the extreme you're experiencing yet, but DH and I also had different ideas of when the "right" time was. He could only think of the financial aspects of it, and it took him a while to see things from my perspective.

Good luck on your weight loss! Are you doing it on your own, or are you following a program?

Yeah, my dh and I also had different ideas on when the right time was... for number 2. When he was in Afghanistan we talked about it often and he was all on board, but I guess he thought I was just daydreaming. Not so much.