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Charting to avoid after a m/c - Any tips?


Forum: Natural Family Planning and FAM

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  #1  
August 20th, 2012, 10:59 PM
TaraJo29's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just had a miscarriage that started Tues and ended on Friday of last week. I am still bleeding lightly but feeling good now. I'm starting to think about taking temps again and being on the lookout for ovulation signs as soon as the bleeding stops. I can't handle another pregnancy and potential loss again very soon. I need to not get pregnant for a while. BUT I'm not so confident in my abilities since I get pregnant very easily and I feel like such a meanie to make my dh wait weeks sometimes! (Am I the only one who gets pregnant because I am too merciful and bend the rules? sigh) We are Catholic so any barriers or artificial bc is out.

If you have any tips or advice on what to expect or watch out for (besides dh ) please let me know. I had one other natural miscarriage but it was 6 yrs ago and I don't remember how long it took me to ovulate.

I'm also breastfeeding my 16 month old daughter right now so I wonder if that will slow things down or not. Before I got pregnant this time I was still having irregular cycles that were gradually shortening but didn't get down to my regular 28 days yet. I was ovulating on day 19, 20, 21, 22, or even 24.

Also, not that I feel like it right now AT ALL (trust me) but I wonder how long after a m/c you should wait to have.. uh.. "relations" again to begin with? The dr. didn't tell me... Does anyone know? I was about 10 weeks when I miscarried.
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  #2  
August 20th, 2012, 11:53 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So sorry for your loss!!!

Chart wise, you just treat the miscarriage as CD1 and proceed as though it were a regular cycle, but ovulation may be delayed or there may be multiple attempts at it before it's successful. You can just keep to the pre-ovulation rules if ovulation is delayed for awhile though, just like with post partum charting.

As for tips on avoiding, what seems to be the biggest difficulty? Is it a lack of confidence about how to the pre-ovulation rules work/how to apply them? Or do you have a good understanding of that, but the difficulty is more with actually having the strength to follow them?

If it's the first - if you lack confidence about using the pre-ovulation rules, check in with your instructor!!! A little post-miscarriage refresher never hurt anybody; and if it can prevent unnecessary abstinence while you TTA it's worth it!!! If there's any mystery surrounding previous conceptions, have her go over those charts with you too!

If it's the second, a big heart to heart with your DH is probably a good idea. If it's imperative that you avoid for awhile, then he needs to be on board with helping follow the rules. After all, he's the one who's fertile every single day!

One thing that can make a big difference so you don't have to feel like good cop/bad cop is to have him do the charting. You make your observations, but he writes them down on the chart at the end of the day. That way he'll always know exactly whether it's a wait day or not without having to ask and without you having to tell him. If he doesn't know what the information on the chart means (is it a day of fertility? are you in a need a 1, 2, 3 count? does the alternate evening rule apply?) then he needs to be attending a refresher with you! He'll pick it up much faster if he's doing the charting too!
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Last edited by ShawnaCAN; August 20th, 2012 at 11:56 PM.
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  #3  
August 21st, 2012, 02:45 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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I'm sorry for your loss. I had a loss at 12 weeks in July, I was also here not sure what to expect so I started asking a lot of the same questions you have. I was (am) still bf'ing my 2yo and had gotten pregnant without a post-partum cycle, but that didn't seem to matter this time. After the m/c I o'ed on CD 24 and had a 36 day cycle. It was a normal cycle for me in most respects, but I did have days of random spotting, especially around the time I O'ed and then toward the end of my LP. I'm now in my second cycle, Day 14 and this has been an easier one as far as detecting mucus.

Honestly, we are struggling with the abstinence, too. This is the first time we've ever decided to use NFP to TTA, and it is just plain hard. But we feel it is necessary for us right now, so might as well make the best of it. It is a lot like fasting, the sacrifice is difficult but there are benefits. I also told DH from the outset that I was not going to tell him when I was fertile and when it was "safe", so he is responsible for marking my temps and I do the mucus observation. That way we both know that we are both looking at the chart daily.

And, finally, I was told it is safe to resume sex when my bleeding stopped so long as there was no pain. You should ask your doctor if you're concerned. Blessings....
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  #4  
August 21st, 2012, 03:28 PM
TaraJo29's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks guys. Yeah, honestly, it's a self-control with abstinence issue. That sounds kind of pathetic, but I suppose it's true. Our dynamic is this: Dh doesn't remember any of the rules (he actually attended the NFP course with me, but I think it didn't stick b/c I did the charting). I do the charting and am a little lax about getting temps at times. So there's that. Also, dh is one of those guys who is "always ready" and asks and/or approaches fairly frequently, and then it's all me to say "hey, FYI I'm fertile today." OR before he even asks I will tell him "hey, FYI, I'm fertile today and we have to wait until after I ovulate." But he will forget later *the same day* and if we argue about something he'll say, "no wonder you're so irritable, you have pms, right?" and I'm like . And I think the biggest problem is THE main time I am interested is when I'm fertile . So since he's *always ready* and will never be the one to say "no, we shouldn't because we need to wait to conceive," as soon as I start talking crazy ovulation talk like "wellllll it's only the first day of fertile mucus and I might not ovulate for 7 more day for all I know, sooooo " he doesn't bring me to my senses. He's like "OK!" .

And I get pregnant. There ya have it. That's why I've told my friends we use the month by month (MBM) method. Because I *would* say, yeah, we are going to use NFP to avoid for at least 3 years... but in reality I would be shocked if we make it that long. Even though, in reality, I really think it would be best for me and the whole family if we could wait at *least* 3 years right now. But it's just hard for us.

I think dh getting more on board would help a LOT but easier said than done. There's nothing I can do to ensure that happens, ya know? The only thing I can do is try to stick to my guns more when I know I'm fertile and be the meanie who says NO WAY and close the conversation down hard. Otherwise, it seems the longer we discuss it and entertain the idea, the more likely it is to happen.

I'm glad someone else has a problem with the abstinence part. I feel like we are the only ones.

But, Shawna, I did want confirmation to treat this as a postpartum time, so I'm glad you said that. That's what I've done so far... counted the first day of m/c as day 1 of my cycle. So I guess I just have to wait for signs of fertility.
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  #5  
August 21st, 2012, 05:04 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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I swear you are not the only ones who struggle. Sometimes reading stuff about NFP that I come across through the Catholic blogs and resources just makes me want to gag. As of right now there have been zip, zero, no benefits to so much abstinence other than I've managed to not get pregnant for all of one-point-five cycles. Reading about couples who use the cycle as a courtship then honeymoon phase, you start to think that is the norm. But I really believe they are the exception and not the rule- I'm sure most couples find the abstinence very frustrating, they just don't write long, eloquent essays about it.
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Robert: 18 Raechel: 17 Daniel: 14 Joseph: 12 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 6 Lucy Marie: 4 and John Anthony, 1!!

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w) and Francis (7-4-12 @12w)


I've lost 60 pounds, and I'm stronger than ever! No gimmicks, no BS, just exercise, nutrition, and support from the awesome Fitness and Weight Loss board here at JM!! Click the blinkie to join us!



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  #6  
August 21st, 2012, 11:27 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh my goodness, I think most people struggle with the abstinence! That's normal! It think the struggle is probably what helps us discern whether we really need to be TTA or not. Don't feel like it's unusual, it's not!

Would your DH be willing to attend a refresher with you and take over the charting? That might help a lot, if he was willing. Secondly, how does he feel about another pregnancy? Does he feel it would be best for the family to wait awhile, or are you the one who feels more strongly about that than he does?
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