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Today is your birthday. Another birthday you aren't here. But it's so different now. I am still so very sad you aren't here, but I'm glad you aren't aging. You always dreaded getting older, and though you'd be but 63..I'm glad you'll always be 58.
Mom, I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you. I know you see my life now, and I wish you could be here to help me deal with it. I've fallen apart after losing the boys. I'm not the same person that I was when you were here, and I don't know how to find her again. I want so much to be that person, but she's gone.
I am sorry about my sisters. I know they love you and I'm glad that the biggest loss they've experienced so far is losing you. I can't relate to that. Losing you was SO hard to watch and go through. Losing my boys has been 10 times as hard...immeasurably, even. They haven't been here for me, and though I'm not as angry at them as I used to be, I can't seem to relate to them. I feel bad...like I'm letting you down all over again. I just don't know how to do it.
Mom, I love you. I miss you. I don't miss your drinking, though. You know, even night time drinking made an impact. But it's a mixed blessing...because you drank, I don't. I know you'd be glad of that. The person you became while you were sick was so peaceful...I was so glad I got to see that. I miss you...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I was just blessed to see the great
Mom, rest peacefully. Tell the boys all about me, and keep watching over our new little one.
Till We meet again.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!