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Forum: Loss of a Parent

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  #1  
August 4th, 2010, 04:23 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 8
your family thinks you moved on too quickly after your parent passed?

My mother died when I was 8. I'm 22 now. I'm a happy, loving mother and wife and I don't talk about my mother much. I mean, I WILL talk about her, I don't pretend like she didn't exist. And I'll share stories if people are talking about their mothers or if my family is talking about her, but here's the problem: my family ALWAYS wants to talk about my mother.

My parents divorced a few years before she passed, so tension between both sides is always really high. My maternal grandparents HATE my father. They even go so far as to blame him for my mother's death-which is absurd, she was sick and had a lot of issues. But they're angry at me because I get along with him and my stepmother-whom he married while my mom was still alive.

I don't think I have ever had a birthday party where they haven't brought her up every five minutes. When I was pregnant with my son they said they were going to have a baby shower for me (they later didn't, because my cousin was turning 16 on the date they chose and for some reason they couldn't change the date) and to be honest, I dreaded it. I was relieved when they changed their mind. Because I knew, every 10 minutes I would hear "Oh, Bridgid would be SO proud." Or, "Oh, if only Bridgid were here." Yeah, because every mother's DREAM is to see her 19 year old daughter get pregnant with a guy she's been dating for less than 6 months.

I had a courthouse wedding because neither side of my family was really into helping me pay for a wedding. My mother's side didn't want to be involved if my father's side was. My grandmother actually said my mother was going to "haunt you if he brings THAT WOMAN." I mean, really, how ridiculous can you get?

Anyway, I feel like I'm the only one that dealt with my mother's death in a happy manner. I mean, I loved my mom, but she was certainly no saint. And sometimes I feel bad because I recognize this and I'm the only one that does. Oh well. I just wish that I could see my mother's family and not feel this constant pressure to reminisce about my mother and over-exaggerate how much I miss her. Of course I miss her, but am I not allowed to be happy 14 years later?

Last edited by metalhealthmama; August 4th, 2010 at 04:32 PM. Reason: accidentally posted too soon
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