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Surviving Parent moving on.....


Forum: Loss of a Parent

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  #1  
August 23rd, 2011, 12:31 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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How d you, how did you deal with this if it happened?


Mom admitted last week that she was kinda seeing someone. She got extremely defensive about it (with out me saying anything other than ok. lol) and started defending him and how he treats her. It's the same way I was when I told her of DF.

But I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know that she's still going back to the cemetery and crying. I want her to be happy, I just worry that she's not being true to the new fella if she's going back and crying over dad 3-4 times a week. I'm probably wrong, I just worry about her since I'm so far away.
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  #2  
August 23rd, 2011, 03:04 PM
mindy scott's Avatar I love being me :)
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My parents were divorced but her bf moved in a woman 3 or 4 mths after my mom past an didnt tell us we found out by my sis showing up at his house unexpected . I think what hurt the most about it was the woman packed away all my moms stuff and put it in the basement and it got ruined by a flood he wouldnt give us the stuff but he allowed her to take all the stuff and let it get ruined
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  #3  
August 24th, 2011, 01:00 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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that's so awful of him!

I guess we are lucky in that manner. Both my parents had wills outlining what was to happen with their things. It was fully legal and we could have gone through the courts if it had been needed. Thankfully the only dispute was over a single ring. Dad had left nothing jewelry wise to my sister (his daughter, not mom's) and mom felt bad.. but nothing he had would work for her.. except a ring that technically was bought for mom. She and I have the same birthdate so the original family ring matched her too, and she considered my mother her mother.

So mom asked if I would be willing to trade the old family ring, in exchange for her current one when she passes. I got a bit upset, but I did give it to her, since I love my sister. I get most of mom's jewellery, none of which I'll ever wear.
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Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #4  
August 24th, 2011, 05:32 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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It's such a hard situation xxx

I think moving forward and looking for happiness is a good sign though. At the end of the day nobody will replace your dad for either you or your mom and I think it's normal for her still to miss him and cry about him sometimes even if she's in a new relationship. But hopefully if her new guy makes her happy it will also help her to heal. It's a slow, gradual process, but it does sound like your mom is on the right track to me.

It's fantastic that you're showing so much understanding, because you being there to understand and support her no matter what will help far more than you'll ever probably know.
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  #5  
August 24th, 2011, 12:46 PM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Valkyrie View Post
It's such a hard situation xxx

I think moving forward and looking for happiness is a good sign though. At the end of the day nobody will replace your dad for either you or your mom and I think it's normal for her still to miss him and cry about him sometimes even if she's in a new relationship. But hopefully if her new guy makes her happy it will also help her to heal. It's a slow, gradual process, but it does sound like your mom is on the right track to me.

It's fantastic that you're showing so much understanding, because you being there to understand and support her no matter what will help far more than you'll ever probably know.
I agree with Sharron. My mom never wants to meet anyone or remarry so I won't probably ever have this come up.
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  #6  
August 25th, 2011, 05:11 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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My mum says the same for now, but I really wouldn't mind if she met someone else by chance.
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  #7  
September 2nd, 2011, 08:04 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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My mom said the same too, would never replace him. (dad was her first and only relationship), but this new fella came along. Nanny says she giggles like a school girl and is wearing make up again, so I take it as a good sign.

I get to "meet" him tomorrow night if all goes well. My cousin's getting married and I'm partaking in the festivities via Skype video conference. I've seen pictures of him on facebook, my cousin Tori tells me she doesn't like him because he's not her Uncle Scott... that poor little girl will have more trouble with this than his own kids.
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Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #8  
September 3rd, 2011, 10:29 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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Aww I hope you like him Ashley - and that you enjoy the celebrations and the technology doesn't let you down!!
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  #9  
September 3rd, 2011, 12:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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My mom tries to move on but she ends up choosing guys too passive or too self centered .

My mom mostly does that because she wants to be the one in control because she's not the type to be submissive and can be very critical .

I feel the reason when she is very critical at other people it means that she is not getting enough compliments from other people she doesn't like her pictures taken because she thinks she's ugly looking . Alot of people including me say she's a pretty lady .

I feel like my mom needs to have someone that can be able to jump ahead of her as in bring postivity in her life because right now my mom sees negativity in her life along with her . My mom needs a guy to want to do stuff for her, be with her, show her a good time, be nice to her and his family because too her family is important .
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  #10  
September 3rd, 2011, 05:44 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I do like him. He was very sweet to me the couple of times I got to talk to him. And he says that my family never shuts about me, so he feels like he already knows me. LOL
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #11  
September 3rd, 2011, 07:43 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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That's great that he knows about and is nice to you .
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  #12  
September 12th, 2011, 06:26 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wish I could answer this for you, but I am struggling with this now too. While I was visiting my mom, I got to meet her BF for the first time. While I was there, they announced that they are getting married. It's tough to deal with because I have hard feelings towards my mom and how she handled things with Dad. (She walked out when he found out he was sick and divorced him. When we lost him 5 months later she showed up to play the greiving widow. I didn't feel like she should get it both ways.)
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  #13  
September 13th, 2011, 05:34 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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for all of those of you dealing with this right now xxx

It really is such a toughie.
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