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Forum: Loss of a Parent

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  #1  
September 3rd, 2011, 12:21 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My mom has been gone now for 9 years, 10 in November, and ever since then I absolutely DREAD fall. I remember everything about the day my mom died so vividly, like the crisp fall air, the smell of the wet leaves that had fallen...everything. Every year, the second the leaves start changing, the depression sets in. I dread fall coming and absolutely hate it. It bothers me so much, that I actually would like to move somewhere that is warm year round just to avoid it. That sounds so ridiculous to want to move just to not have to deal with a stupid season! Ugh! You'd think I would have dealt with this now after almost 10 years! That part hasn't gotten any easier to deal with over time.
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2011, 10:22 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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Oh bless you. I can completely understand because the sounds, sights and smells of a season are so evocative, and fall is perhaps the most evocative of all. There is nothing wrong with still feeling grief and feeling like it is a sad time for you.

There are two things I can possibly suggest to try and help make it a more positive time. Firstly, use the start of fall to commemorate your mom (you may do this already) - remembrance and tributes do help channel the grief and sadness. Secondly, plan something really happy that you will remember for years to come to happen in the fall - a wedding or blessing, starting ttc, a baby, getting a pet (so it's the pet's "birthday"), moving home, an annual family get-together or party, or a big autumn walk/picnic with your family (or anything else that occurs to you). There are no magic cures and it's likely you'll still have this feeling to some extent in fall, honey, but surrounding yourself with loved ones and happy things to do at that time may ease it some.

Personally as long as the rest of your family are happy with it I don't think moving away from the fall is crazy at all because whatever helps you deal with it can only be good. Perhaps next fall you could book yourself a vacation to "test it out" - if it doesn't take the feeling away then you know it's the date, not the season, and there's no point running, if you know what I mean?

Other than that, big, big - and please do come by to vent or pour out anything you need to during this tricky season for you xxx
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  #3  
September 3rd, 2011, 06:16 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I totally understand! My dad was ill, so while March is hard, it seems fitting that the world starts to breathe new life in the form of spring around the time that he passed. It was so un climate like the day we burried him that in the middle of March in Canada we didn't need coats at his graveside.

Had he died in April instead he could have just totally topped off the keg for awful stuff that's happened to me in that month.
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  #4  
September 4th, 2011, 12:49 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Valkyrie View Post
Oh bless you. I can completely understand because the sounds, sights and smells of a season are so evocative, and fall is perhaps the most evocative of all. There is nothing wrong with still feeling grief and feeling like it is a sad time for you.

There are two things I can possibly suggest to try and help make it a more positive time. Firstly, use the start of fall to commemorate your mom (you may do this already) - remembrance and tributes do help channel the grief and sadness. Secondly, plan something really happy that you will remember for years to come to happen in the fall - a wedding or blessing, starting ttc, a baby, getting a pet (so it's the pet's "birthday"), moving home, an annual family get-together or party, or a big autumn walk/picnic with your family (or anything else that occurs to you). There are no magic cures and it's likely you'll still have this feeling to some extent in fall, honey, but surrounding yourself with loved ones and happy things to do at that time may ease it some.

Personally as long as the rest of your family are happy with it I don't think moving away from the fall is crazy at all because whatever helps you deal with it can only be good. Perhaps next fall you could book yourself a vacation to "test it out" - if it doesn't take the feeling away then you know it's the date, not the season, and there's no point running, if you know what I mean?

Other than that, big, big - and please do come by to vent or pour out anything you need to during this tricky season for you xxx
Thank you! I appreciate the tips too. Those are some great ideas. My mom died when I was 21, and before I had gotten married or had kids, so I had hoped that once I had my own family, I would replace that horrible fall feeling with happy things. We do lots of fun things in the fall, like Halloween, pumpkin patch, Thanksgiving, etc., but while I have fun doing them, they don't seem to drown out the fall depression. I try to just immerse myself in the kids, to distract me, but it doesn't work too well. And that is when I ponder moving! Ugh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tithen~ View Post
I totally understand! My dad was ill, so while March is hard, it seems fitting that the world starts to breathe new life in the form of spring around the time that he passed. It was so un climate like the day we burried him that in the middle of March in Canada we didn't need coats at his graveside.

Had he died in April instead he could have just totally topped off the keg for awful stuff that's happened to me in that month.
I'm sorry that you get this too.
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  #5  
September 4th, 2011, 10:37 AM
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Yes We buried my mom on st. pattys day so in mid febuary when the green decorations start coming out everywhere the depression sets in . The first 2 yrs when i walked in a store and seen the green I would have to leave now if i know its going to be there i just dont look . I know its not the same you cant block the smell of leaves and such .
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  #6  
September 5th, 2011, 12:20 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Originally Posted by mindy scott View Post
Yes We buried my mom on st. pattys day so in mid febuary when the green decorations start coming out everywhere the depression sets in . The first 2 yrs when i walked in a store and seen the green I would have to leave now if i know its going to be there i just dont look . I know its not the same you cant block the smell of leaves and such .
Ugh, I'm sure you majorly dislike St. Patty's day now. My mom died a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, so I feel the same as you when I see the Thanksgiving decorations. I just wish I could remove the entire month of November from the calender!
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  #7  
September 5th, 2011, 08:23 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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My dad's birthday was St.Patty's day so now I will always feel a little bit sad on that day, too.
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  #8  
September 7th, 2011, 12:17 PM
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Yes, my dad died 3 days after Christmas and we buried him on New Years Eve. So, I always get alittle depressed during that time of the year. Its been 6 years and i still remember every little detail of the day he died and try to do my best not to re-live it over and over again like often like i have in the past
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  #9  
September 8th, 2011, 04:35 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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sweetie xxx
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  #10  
September 8th, 2011, 08:46 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs))
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  #11  
September 24th, 2011, 10:41 AM
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How are you all doing ladies?
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  #12  
October 4th, 2011, 12:41 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahevans55 View Post
Yes, my dad died 3 days after Christmas and we buried him on New Years Eve. So, I always get alittle depressed during that time of the year. Its been 6 years and i still remember every little detail of the day he died and try to do my best not to re-live it over and over again like often like i have in the past
It's too bad that we have to associate things like holidays with losing people we love. My grandpa died on Christmas day and my grandma (his wife) died on Halloween day. I actually kind of find the humor in that now. Both of them had a wonderful sense of humor and were very sarcastic and it's just only fitting for them to pick an eventful day that everyone will remember to head out! Maybe that was their way of making sure we'd stay occupied with other activities so that we wouldn't miss them too terribly. It doesn't really work that way, but it sounds like a nice idea!
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