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Forum: Loss of a Parent

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  #1  
September 3rd, 2011, 05:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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oh boy, did I get a few today. My cousin got married. Not a huge deal in itself...

But of course, mom turned on the cam so I could watch the speeches and dances.... and she danced with her father. oh boy. Blubbery girl on the sofa.

I thought I'd be ok... but I'm getting married in 11 months... with out my dad to dance with me. I have mentally been preparing for this event since he got sick. We knew the likelihood of him being around to walk me down the aisle and dance with me were slim. Sure, I have brothers, grandfather.. etc.... but I had wanted my pain in the butt dad to do it.

When he got sick, this song happened to play on the radio.

BUTTERFLY KISSES DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL - YouTube

And I knew this would be my song. And I plan on dancing to it, alone. For the Faith Hill part I will dance in front of a slide show, myself... probably blubbering like a mess. I am very close to my mom's stepfather (my ONLY grandfather) and I am his spoiled little granddaughter. His angel on earth. I am going to ask him to come out at the end of the faith hill song and hand me a handkerchief (he always carries a red one in his pocket) to dry my eyes and dance with me at the end of the song.

Prior to this song I plan on pulling my mom to the dance floor, and giving her a scrapbook of my life (which I will assemble after I return from Canada in February with every single photo of my life scanned into CD LOL) while the song Mama by Carrie Underwood plays (the scrapbook is part of the music video for the song) Carrie Underwood - Mama's Song - YouTube or I may do it after the father daughter dance to try and cheer her up a little bit because I know she'll be a basket case of tears.

I hate that I have to plan for all this. Why can't i just have my daddy to dance with me? Why can't I know that I'll cry like a normal bride, rather than a crazy woman who misses her dad. Mom's letting me have his wedding ring to wear the day of the wedding (we will pin it to my dress or I will wear it on my right thumb, and I will wear his ashes... but it's still not fair.

My sister attended the wedding today too, and she lost it too. But she's not accepted dad's death. She didn't attend the funeral (she sat in a car parked outside the church) she's never been to the graveyard. Mom came back to turn off the camera and told me my sister was freaking out.. so I called and talked her down. She was all angry thinking she ruined the dance for my cousin etc.. then my cousin comes out crying her eyes out too because she was upset that she'd hurt my sister (and me, but she coudln't see me lol).

Why is life so cruel to us?

/rant
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Last edited by plan4fate; September 3rd, 2011 at 06:21 PM.
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2011, 07:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Yep that is very difficult !
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  #3  
September 4th, 2011, 01:09 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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Sweetie, I am so very sorry you won't have your daddy there on your wedding day.

I will be in the same boat when that day comes (one day when Shaun and I have some money). However I'm dealing with it in a slightly different way: I have two very close uncles who have always been there for me, one who was present at my dad's death who is my mum's brother so I'm going to ask him to give me away, and one who was there for us at the funeral and who used to take me out to give my parents away when I was a little girl, so I'm going to ask him to do the traditional father/daughter dance with me.

Your wedding will be a beautiful and joyous occasion my love, and I also think that your tributes that you're planning will be a healing experience for you and your mom. But I do understand how hard it is.
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  #4  
September 4th, 2011, 10:42 AM
mindy scott's Avatar I love being me :)
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(((HUGS))) life can really suck ! I wish you could have your dad with you and I have my mom to call and talk to cuz I really need her . I will never understand why the most important people in our lives have to leave us before we are done needing them ( like we could even NOT need them thou) .
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  #5  
September 4th, 2011, 01:14 PM
NewportMamaBear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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*hugs*
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Missing my dad 2/23/1961-11/1/2010
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  #6  
September 4th, 2011, 07:00 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I asked the big questions tonight.

My mom is going to give me away. If she doesn't feel sane enough the day off, one of a dozen men from my life will step in. Possibly my baby brother, or my grandfather.

my grandfather is going to do my father daughter dance with me, and promised we'd find a new clean hanky for me. lol I really think I'd like to buy him a new one, monogram his initials on it and let him keep it after the wedding.

I've set most of the wedding party, we're just waiting on three people (my cousin's step son.. cause I haven't asked to use him yet. lol) and the best man and maid of honor. We'll ask later this fall. My cousin Tori is thrilled she'll get to be a real bridesmaid for once, not just a flower girl. She'll get to hang with the big ladies.

So I'm still sad, but all will be in order.

Now I just need to choose and MC... my cousin's husband did it for my aunt... if she stands for me, I may ask him to do it for me too.
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Clomid cd3-7 ~ Testing 10/5/14
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  #7  
September 5th, 2011, 08:30 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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You sound very organised dear!
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  #8  
September 8th, 2011, 08:56 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs)) and love to you
I got married without my dad, too-it was tough but I felt him there that day
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  #9  
September 24th, 2011, 10:43 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
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I do believe they are there with us on special days. I felt like my Dad and uncles were present at my cousin's wedding not too long ago. It was just something in the air. Hard to describe.
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  #10  
September 26th, 2011, 10:35 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I did feel him there in New Orleans. I could hear him laughing that it was pouring down rain on my wedding day, and imagined that he blew away the rain clouds so we could have a bit of clear sky to say our vows. My witness noticed at supper that I had his ashes around my neck and spent a few minutes holding the necklace and checking it out... that makes me feel awesome when people do it. She and him would have gotten along great (her boyfriend too!) because they're both big jokers
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Clomid cd3-7 ~ Testing 10/5/14
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