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10 Year Anniversary This Week


Forum: Loss of a Parent

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  #1  
November 10th, 2011, 01:59 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had no idea this anniversary would be as hard as it is! I have a rough time every year on the anniversary of my mom's death (and fall in general), but I can deal. From the beginning of this week, I have been a mess. I'm a crying mess, can't sleep and I'm thinking about my mom and that dreaded day constantly. I guess it's just realizing that it's been TEN years now since my mom passed and then I get to thinking about all that she's missed...my college graduation, my engagement, wedding, and 3 kids. Moms are just supposed to be around for those kinds of things and my mom passed away right smack before my life really got started. I think that's what is making this year so much harder for me, but I sure didn't expect it.

Has this happened to anybody else?? My sister isn't having a harder time with it this year than any other, but then again she hasn't had any really big milestones since my mom died. Ugh...I hate this! You'd think after ten years, I'd have the hang of this anniversary thing!

Thanks for listening.
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  #2  
November 11th, 2011, 12:10 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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*hugs*

I've not reached that point yet, dad's not yet been gone 20 months... but I know getting married with out him will be hard.. our legal wedding was easy, since no family was present... won't be the case next year.
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  #3  
November 11th, 2011, 12:45 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aw, I'm sorry. I went through that too. My DH was planning on proposing on Thanksgiving in front of my parents and sister, but my mom ended up passing away a couple weeks before. I'm sneaky and had figured out that he was proposing on Thanksgiving, so my now DH and I talked and decided that my mom would still have wanted me to get engaged then. She wouldn't have wanted her death to stop me. This is so odd, but DH and I decided that sometime while my ENTIRE family was in town for her funeral (lol...this sounds SOOOO terrible) he would officially do it. Everyone was in town from all over the country and they were all there for it. It was awful and wonderful all at the same time. I know my mom was up there smiling and cheering the entire time though!

That was a bit of a tangent, but my point was that I have been there too. I ended up getting married 11 months after she died and when it should have been the happiest day of my life (next to my kids being born), it was awful. I couldn't stop thinking about how she should be there. While I was dating DH, my mom knew we were getting engaged soon and we would talk for hours about the location, dress style, colors, food, etc., yet here I had to plan that entire wedding by myself. Shopping for my dress without her was awful. I remember driving away in the car with my new hubby right after the wedding, crying. Not your typical post wedding reaction! There wasn't any hot, newlywed sex that night...just me curled up in a ball on the bed with my hair and make up all done, crying all night.

For that reason, for my 10 year wedding anniversary next year, I really want us to renew our vows in Hawaii. I want a happier make up wedding! Of course I'll still be sad that my mom isn't there, but I just think it would be nice to have some better memories made.
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  #4  
November 11th, 2011, 11:10 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Oh Hawaii would be lovely!

We got Married in Sept in New Orleans. We eloped for Immigration reasons, but we're planning a larger Canadian Wedding either next summer or the following one (immigration will decide, if I can't get home by end of March I won't have enough time to get stuff done).

But we're talking of taking the Train to New Orleans for our 10th anniversary (kids should be school age by then) and I'd talk him into renewing our vows (again hahahaha) while we were there.


Did yuo do anything special in your mom's memory at your wedding? I'm (to my mother's pissedoffedness) giving dad his own chair with his picture and a memorial candle next to her (she's got a new boyfriend and assumed he'd sit with her.. uh.. not over my dead body lady!). I'm also going to dance to "Daddy's little girl/Butterfly kisses" by Faith hill. A slideshow will display my life with dad (hence why I need time to get home and make it) for the first half and then my grandfather will dance with me to butterfly kisses.

Mom's been objecting to it cause her boyfriend will feel left out. My grandmother got snippy last night and said "Jake doesn't have to come if it's a problem." Love my nanny
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #5  
November 12th, 2011, 02:29 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
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I did do some stuff to remember my mom at the wedding. My mom was a nurse and actually took care of DH, who was a patient of hers, right about when I had met him. My mom had no idea he was the guy I had just started dating and DH had no idea that she was my mom. Anyways....she came home from work that night and said how she met the cutest, nicest, most polite (ha...only coming from a mother!) guy today. She said, "I wanted to hook him up with you, but he was 3 years older than you...too old! Then we finally put two and two together and always joked about how my mom helped pick him out for me (with the exception of the age difference!). So our wedding officiant told that story during the ceremony, which I thought was really cool.

I also used her favorite flower in the flower arrangements and had a candle burning with her favorite flowers surrounding it. I also left an empty seat for her. I was trying to strike a good balance between remembering her and avoiding a second funeral. I think it was tastefully done and everyone loved and appreciated it.
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