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Hi. I'm Amber. DH and I have been together for 4 years tomorrow, married for 2 in August. I'm 11 weeks 6 days pregnant with my #4. I lost my Daddy almost 3 years ago. My mother was always abusive. My Me-Maw who raised me passed when I was 16 of systemic lupus. I don't have either parents in my life and I lost the only person I loved like a mom almost 9 years ago. I've adopted my friend's Mom & Dad and my Mother in law is around but we only see Father in law once a year, if that.
I have this awful cycle of being okay then being really upset about not having MY BLOOD family around me and my children. I know I should count myself lucky that I at least have my in laws, but it's not the same. I miss them so much with all my heart. It hurts day and night now. Sometimes I want to call my Dad and just say hi and I can't. Sometimes I just want my Me-Maw's advice about what I can do differently and she's not there. My DDC talks about announcing to their family and DH's family and I really have no one to announce to. I have very few friends and those that I do have are my family. Once again, it's not the same. I remember having a huge family growing up and I don't any more. I don't have people I can celebrate life's little and huge moments with that I REALLY want there. It sucks...
I really appreciate the space to vent. It just hurts so badly. I guess it doesn't help that I'm unmedicated right now and DH is gone for the next 6-8 months, so I'm pretty much alone. Sigh.....once again I appreciate the space to vent. I hope we all heal soon.
Amber Wife of Tim ; Mom to - (7) (4) (3), (2 months) and Step mom (9)
"No freedom til' we're equal. D*mn right I support it." - Macklemore "Same love"
I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my dad 17 years ago in June. It is very difficult not having those really important people around for these huge milestones. That was the hardest part of my pregnancy with my son. Knowing that he was gipped out of a wonderful grandfather. My dad adored kids & would have really adored being Grandpa. Even now I still find myself needing to talk to my dad & wanting to call and can't. I hate to say it, but it never truly heals. The loss is always there, you just learn to live with it. Pregnancy magnifies all our emotions & I found, puts a magnifying glass back on our major losses. You'll get through. It is nice to have a place like this to talk to others who understand. Hugs to you.