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As a first born daughter, I've always been Daddy's Girl. Hands down. My daddy was the one to hang the moon and stars and only for me.
He passed away from a year long battle with cancer in the April of 2011. He passed away roughly two weeks after his 59th birthday. He left behind two daughters, his love of his life (my mom, whom he had been an item with since '73) and three grandsons. Now my sister is pregnant with his first granddaughter.
I look at my kids and I think about the first time that each of them met their "Paw". The picture that shows that first impression. My niece will never have that moment. Not in the physical sense. She won't feel the surge of pride that my daddy emitted when he held each grandchild for the first time. It makes me so sad that my sister won't be able to call daddy to tell him that the baby is here. She won't have that first hug as a mother from her dad.
This year we are hoping to get the Essure reversal surgery. (It was a very weird situation). When I have the baby or babies that will hopefully result from that, my daddy won't be there. He won't be holding my baby (babies) with a tear in his eye. It will be the first time that I have labored and not had that kiss on my forehead afterwards from my daddy as a "Job well done".
How does everyone keep on trucking? How do you keep doing your thing and keep being happy? Each new thing or each repeated thing where your dad (or loved one) would have been a subtle but important part, he won't be there. How?
Life's no good if you don't love it.
Last edited by rockermom1313; January 21st, 2014 at 02:54 PM.
I lurk here but I know how you feel. My dad passed April 25, 2013 and my only daughter/last baby was born June 18, 2013. It was bittersweet because she was here but he wasn't. I'm finding that the grief hasn't gotten any easier, unfortunately.
For me, my kids keep me moving forward. I remember the good times with my dad and how proud he'd be of my kids and me. I'm just now really allowing myself to feel the emotions that I've ignored. I'm finding that feeling those feelings that I've ignored has helped me cherish and celebrate the happy things. And those days/events that he's not there that he should've been or used to always be there, I try to get through it and allow myself time to bawl my eyes out later.
I don't know that there's any good advice or any "how to" on how to get through this. I just know that it's even harder because I don't have my mom either because she passed in 1995.
Someplace I read that it takes, on average, 8 years to process the grief of a close loved one such as a daddy. I don't know if it's true or not, all I know is I can sympathize with you and I know it hurts.
I don't know if it is harder having sons and losing your dad. They grow up looking for a role model that isn't in the house, all kids do. So you have to go through all of the stories and photos to let them get to know their grand-dad. If it's too early, then it can be very difficult. This is what happened to me. My oldest son was 12 when my dad passed so he was just getting started on wanting to learn about hunting, fishing, what my dad did as a child, and all of that. I've been pushing through it so my boys can know my dad in a sense, but it's hard. I spent 31 years of my life looking up to this man and depending on this man and now he is gone..
Life's no good if you don't love it.
It does. Mine passed away on DH's b-day after several years of quickly deteriorating from Alzheimer's. I was only 20. I didn't think I would ever be able to be truly happy again. It just takes time. Lots and lots of time. He never got to know my children and it breaks my heart because he loved being a grandfather. But I have been able to find peace in that he is no longer suffering. The first year is definitely the hardest, but it gets easier a little at a time.