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Ruling things out? Need advice, this is all so new to me.


Forum: Children With ADHD

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  #1  
February 1st, 2010, 10:36 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
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My DS has been "difficult" since we had my now almost 4 year old. At first we assumed it was due to adjusting to another child & having to share me, which I am sure was "part" of it, but things progressed & after almost 2 years of counseling/therapy, we decided to see a psychologist & discuss medications. He gave my DS Paxil, for anxiety, but that did nothing for him really, his behavior, all over the place, not listening, getting in trouble at school, continued & escalated. Finally, I spoke w/ the psychologist on the phone & he was leaning towards the BP disorders. He asked me to bring all the documents in from the school (about my DS' behavior) so he could see/read for himself. After he carefully read the information (last week), he looked up & said that my DS had all the characteristics of being ADHD/ODD, which also twines into a partial mood disorder, aka BP.
He gave DS an Rx for Concerta, we just started that last week & thus far, no changes. Doc told me we'd see a difference w/ in days, either for the best or worst. So far nothing worst, but nothing positive either. Pretty much the same. From personal experience, M.I.'s medications take a longer period of time to get into a body & make a difference more or less w/ in 2 months-ish, 8-12 weeks, but then again, I've never dealt personally w/ Concerta so perhaps this is true.

If my DS continues his behavior, he'll consider increasing the dose & if that doesn't work, look at the mood disorder medications.

I'm frustrated w/ it b/c I feel like I am the ONLY person who cares about my DS & these issues. My DH (who isn't the bio-dad) has no imput (even though his own 12 year old son, my DSS, has ADHD & take the highest dose of Concerta too), he alienates my DS & I hate that. Then w/ my ex (DS' bio-dad), no input. I feel like NO ONE other than me is trying to make things better. Even the school doesn't care & I'm getting no help w/ them or from them. The teacher has gotten to the point of picking on my DS non-stop for things like "walking on his tip-toes" to his desk. Who the BLEEP cares if he walks on his tip-toes? Seriously? Is he hurting anyone? Is he making a scene? Why is she focusing on him for every little thing rather than focusing on the fact that all of his school work is A+ material, he is smart, very smart, and honestly, I think he's bored to tears w/ the class. He finishes his work fast, and the only reason I know this is cuz in the summer time I have him doing "bridge work" so he doesn't rot his brain, and he does finish things quickly w/ little to no mistakes. I think he's bored in the class, done w/ his work & decides he wants to talk to a "friend" but that "friend" isn't done w/ his work. The teacher has made a point to say it's my responsibility to keep him in check. My deal is this, SHE is the teacher, not me. If my DS has completed his work, reads a book a day practically, then it's not my deal. She has to keep him busy, he's not going to just sit there for an hour bored to tears, he's a child & has energy to burn. I get it. How do I deal w/ the school system who is clearly not wanting to help my son other than alienate him in the corner of the classroom so people can pick on him more than he already has had happen to him?

Any advice? This ADHD, ADD, ODD is new to me. I need some advice.

I'm very involved w/ his class & school, I take my DS to counseling & he's on medications, what else can "I" do or what else am "I" expected to do? I feel like I've done it all, and I'm keeping his teacher & school nurse involved so they realize how hard I am trying to help my DS. I just don't feel like they care or want to help him. I tired of my DS being picked on & even the superintendent of the schools ignored my calls & letters. Now what?

Thanks
~C
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  #2  
February 2nd, 2010, 06:00 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi and welcome. First of all I understand how you feel about no one else caring and it is all up to you to be his advocate.

Different meds work differently on everyone. For instance, my youngest takes Adderall but my oldest took Concerta. Adderall didn't help my oldest at all while concerta did the trick. You can usually tell within the first couple of days - week if the meds are going to help them. Have you suggested trying a different med for him?

As for the teacher.... While it is not her job to raise your son, it is her job to teach him and grow him as a child. Instead of her being negative about his behaviour why not have her show positive reward? I would suggest a chart on paper that she fills in the block each day with smiley faces if he does good things in different catagories such as Doing schoolwork, helping around the classroom, or since he is so smart helping another student that may be struggling. This could even be a way for him to interact with his friend that hasn't finished his classwork yet.

I would put together a plan of ways you feel the school could help and work with you so he is successful. Demand a meeting with teachers, principle, and school social workers.

Sorry for all of the spelling errors, I am super tired tonight.

I am sorry you are struggling.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #3  
February 3rd, 2010, 05:58 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Thanks for the information. We did just start Concerta lasts week & I've already noticed a difference about his impulse behavior issues. So far, so good...

What bothers me the most is his teacher, she is nice, but nice doesn't mean you're a good role model or teacher. This woman has done nothing but tear my son up & down, not only to me but to him in front of his peers. I have had several intense discussions w/ her regarding her taking my son & practically locking him in a closet to isolate him & the idea SHE came up w/ was a journal that she would write in every day, how his day went & I would sign it & DS would know that there would be daily communications like this w/ the teacher. She said in her words that this wasn't just for communicating his bad moments/days, but an opportunity to praise him when he makes good choices, efforts & can control himself. This idea WOULD have been good, except she's done nothing but say "okay today " then goes on about "water bottle safety"... and how he wasn't listening. No explanation, nothing. I wrote her back asking how a water bottle was a safety issue & if it was, to be more elaborate about WHY the water bottle made safety an issue. She wrote back that he had the cap from the water bottle in his mouth (choking hazard)... I'm sorry, but please don't (I'm speaking to the teacher when I say this) bother me w/ this non-sense. That is not something I want to know about, including my DS walking on his tippy-toes, I do not care. I care if he is disrespectful, rude, mean, defiant or disruptive. Not about petty things as she's making this out to be.

The school that he goes to is a good school, but they are so small that they've had to let go a lot of their teachers, causing the teachers that are there now to have more students in the classroom w/ out aids. I am sure the teachers are feeling overwhelmed, but at the same time, if you can't handle your children in class, or keep him from being bored, that's not my issue. My DS is bored to tears, he is very smart w/ a high IQ & tends to finish the classwork, projects & homework during class while the others struggle. I can see why my DS is bored to tears. He is done w/ his work & he's a child, she needs to praise him for being productive & then if he is "bored" finding him something else to do, not more work, but something that would be helpful to her & the class as well as saying "you did a great job, you get to do ______ because you completed all your assignments". But instead, she expects a 9 year old boy to sit quietly & still for long periods of time. I know that I'd be bored too.

I'm trying to get him stable on the medication, I've already noticed a positive change in him & I'm praying that this is the answer. Once we can say "yes he has ODD/ADHD" and make that official, then we'll be doing the 504 & special ed forms. Until it's more concrete (up to 8 mos.) there isn't much I can do to make the school accommodate my DS' medical needs. I already have had this issue come up in other areas & they are very difficult to work w/ "and" so is the superintendent of the schools. I get ignored regardless of countless v/mails, handwritten letters "and" emails. I get ignored all the time.

I love you idea about having the peers getting more involved to make this not just about my DS, but about the entire class of children. I know his teacher & her ways if you will, she is not going to do that. Which is why I have to get these documents from his psychologist & counselor ASAP. Until then, I have to deal w/ her negative comments which really upsets me. I just keep making copies on my copy machine (in case she decided to rip out some of her comments) so that I have all the information I will need on her moving forward.

Thank you for the advice. I truly appreciate the energy you put into your response.

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  #4  
February 10th, 2010, 08:12 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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your son sounds so smart and fun... I still walk on my tip toes sometimes, lol... I wonder what his teacher would say about that!

It is a snow day here in PA and the boys are sleeping in but when they wake up I will speak to them about what they did/do in class after they finish their work. We have been so fortunate with Kyle to have supportive schools that he has gone to. It is so sad that your sons school is not backing you up on this. They should realize that by working with you and making a few changes will actually make their jobs easier. What I mean is he acts out because he is bored which in turn disrupts the classroom and the teacher creating more work. If he was busy and happy then he would have different distractions and the teachers job would be easier.

Some ADHD children do not do well in school. My oldest is an example. He has an IQ of 132 (almost genius level) but yet failed 3 grades... He was on pace to graduate high school at the age of 21. He didn't get in trouble in school, just did not thrive with the distractions and bordem. I ended up taking him out of school and homeschooling him last year. He is on pace to complete 4 years of high school in 2 and going to gradutate this year! I am so proud of him.

Is there a way for you to get him transfered to another school? Is there a charter program where you live?
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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